Need some help brainstorming for 2013

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Need some help brainstorming for 2013
11
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 2:42pm

Most of you already know that me and my SO keep all of our finances separate.  He gives me one check every month for his half of the household expenses and half the groceries.  He lives in my house, so everything is still in my name.  We don't have any joint purchases.  The only thing we have together is our auto insurance.  It comes out of his account.  I write him a check for my part, although I am currently behind.  He has also been giving me more than his half the last couple months since things are so tight for me.

So, to my question...

I would love to have a real spending plan.   I have not really bothered with it, as I can get obsessive over envelopes and tracking things.  Also, and this is the real road block, is I know it would drive my SO crazy.   If every thing we did was determined by my spreadsheet or envelope, I think he would need a rubber room.  When we went to the grocery store before thanksgiving, I told him I didn't have much and would have to use a calculator.  So he just paid for the groceries that day. 

Not worrying about "tit for tat" seems to always work out for us, but if he says "hey, can you grab this or that for me today" and it is not in my plan, I am concerned it will just cause resentments.  Sure, it always evens out, but I don't think he will be too thrilled if I say "hey, I need that money back, it goes back into the grocery envelope"  every time I grab something for him that is not in my plan.

We have been more open to the idea of being a little more "jointed" I guess you could say.  We just aren't real clear what that looks like for us.  Avoiding resentments is a huge priority for us, so we tread lightly and slowly in this area.  (i.e.  what happens if we break up, what happens if one of us dies, etc. etc.)

Not much I can do until I get my income tax refund and get back to a level playing field and can get a clearer picture of what still needs to be done.  

So, even if you think it is silly, or outside of the box, or figure I have already thought of it, go ahead and toss your ideas into the ring. 

Thank you!!!

 

 

 

Serenity

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 12:37pm

(((((So my question to you would be - how can you build up that trust w/your DH & yourself? What things can you do right now to take a step in that direction?)))))

So well put, Stormy.  I think that is kind of where we are headed.  Whether or not we ever get married, we are feeling a tug to move forward in this area. 

I think in our case, my SO does pitch in extra knowing things are tight for me, but like you, he kind of wants to know that I can work myself out without being "bailed" out.

 

Serenity

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