OT: A Penny for your Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011
OT: A Penny for your Thoughts?
14
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 9:45am

Hey board: This has been bugging me since yesterday.....My SO, whom I've been with for years and trust and love, said that he does not think I'm the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 10:04am
EDIT: I guess what I'm asking is, does the fact that this upsets me indicate that I might have an unhealthy obsession w/my appearance and have to think I'm the best in the world? or is it normal to feel this way? I'm pretty sure it's the latter because I really don't think I am obsessed w/my appearance or feel the need to be the best in the world or even come close to that, but I can't help wondering if my reaction means I have an unhealthy need to be the best?! Second-guessing myself here...
Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 10:41am

There is nothing objective about statements like "you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen." In the early days of a relationship when you could do no wrong, when everything he/she does is magic, you believe that about each other. And why not? You are deeply in love, oxytocin is flowing through your bodies, and you're bonded. When that period is over, you begin seeing flaws in each other. That doesn't mean there is no love, but just that love has a different perspective -- not an objective perspective, but just different.

I try to anticipate this by thinking: what would I see of this person a few years from now, and would that picture be good for my relationship? But I still find myself sometimes telling a woman that she's an angel on earth, with complete conviction that amazes me. So maybe such statements are more indicative of where you relationship is, rather than where you stand with respect to your SO. For the latter, I'm afraid it requires more knowledge about the particulars of your relationship to figure something out.

If my own experience is any indication, maybe age should be a factor in this analysis. Physical beauty meant a lot more to me in my early 20s. But now, whenever I see a physically beautiful woman, I always wonder what's in her: her personality, intelligence, and virtue. After all, if you are sharing your life with someone, you need to have stuff to talk about after sex.

Probably not all that helpful, but these are my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 11:41am

I think in your heart of hearts you were hoping he'd say the same thing as the person the the tv ad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 11:47am

I don't think it sounds like you are obsessed with appearances at all. I think your feelings here are pretty normal. Who wouldn't want their partner to think they were the most beautiful/handsome/etc.?


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 11:50am

I also have to add - my husband is not the most beautiful man I've ever seen! Hello! George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Gerard Butler, the list goes on and on, lol!


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 7:42pm

Hi there-

None of us are with the most beautiful or handsome person we have ever seen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Sat, 11-19-2011 - 10:13pm

Oh please honey . . . please, please don't feel badly.

You don't sound superficial.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2011
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 8:37am

Thanks for all your responses even though this was so unrelated to debt!!

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 10:32am

External beautiy is only skin deep, and if that's what your significant other is talking about, maybe you could try to get a better sense of how much he values that in his heart of hearts. Perhaps he was really just interpeting the question as "bust-wasit-rear" proportions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2010
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 5:40pm

Well don't be so hard on yourself.

Pages