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|Sun, 12-02-2012 - 3:15am|
Hello, hello, hello…….!
Sitting here drinking tea and thinking……and watching reruns on TV……..
A lot going on, but I’ll just start the stories.
I haven’t talked to my dear relative who is buying a house she should not be. Too much going on with work and the caretaking of my uncle…..or is it caregiving? I wish I didn’t HAVE to CARE!!!!!! Another story for later. In 3 weeks she’ll know for sure that all is a go with the house. I was at a hardware store this evening after dinner with my SO. He wanted to find some equipment he needs for a project at home, and we were looking at some hardware gift kits after we found out the items he was looking for were special order only. Ah, the gift sets! I have all the tools I need, but SO was gushing over a few sets he might like as a holiday gift. But I started “the old thinking.”: Gee, wouldn’t it be nice to give my dear relative a tool kit for the new house…..NO No!!!!! Stop that! I am going to offer advice and my assistance sewing curtains or something…… still valuable. I am also sure I can give a gift of something I already own if I have to. I have dishes I haven’t even used yet.
Work and the caregiving (which is still work!!!!!!!!!!) consume my time. There are layoffs going on where I work. They are doing it incrementally on THURSDAYS, and they have hit 2 teams so far. I feel like I am next on the hit list. SCARY!!!! If I have to find a new job, then the caregiving will complicate it. I’m very worried about that.
The caregiving has been hard. I was laying in bed the other night, and I began to think about what I am truly involved in with this. It only gets harder. And harder. We had to change an aspect of a daily routine last week, and it was an ordeal. I realized that I was the only one who could do anything with it, and it was a truly depressing moment knowIng I had no help. I pay extra money for the nursing staff to attend to him, and there was a comment made about helping only so many times…..so tomorrow I have to make a fuss to find out what exactly I am paying $800 a month for. I don’t have the time to deal with that.
And Caretaking costs me time and money I don’t have. I do recoup some of the money every month despite the fact my uncle thinks I should be doing this for nothing.
I have been reassessing what I have been spending. I wrote a budget last week for 2013, and it’s a doozey. It is written so I can adjust as I go, but I am trying to pay down the debt and save for the express purpose of getting in better financial position if I get laid off next year. Not much I can do about the present.
I have been learning to tell myself no AND not feeling deprived. That is another journey I am getting ready to set on. Today was a good day. I spent time on myself this morning, and it was wonderful. I have been neglecting myself, and that needs to stop. I think I am spending and eating to make up for time I am missing for myself.
I will continue to keep slogging thru all of this. Push, push, push.
Wish me luck. Littlesbigs