Talking To Your Spouse About Money

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Talking To Your Spouse About Money
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 8:18am

You vowed to stay together through richer and poorer, so why fight so much about money? Stacey Tisdale, author of The True Cost of Happiness, is here with practical advice on how to talk about money with your spouse.

Do you have a hard time talking to your spouse about money? Does your debt cause any stress between the two of you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-1999
Fri, 06-14-2013 - 12:30pm

We do talk about our goals, saving for vacay, paying off mortgage, retirement savings & goals for our future when our home is paid off, then where will we want to invest...but many years ago we opened 2 joint checking accounts.  One is his & one is mine.  After bills are paid & $ put into savings, what is left in each is ours to spend.  Really no guilt & no questions asked...It may be different if we struggled keeping our jobs or had to go thru other hardships but we just celebrated 30 years of marriage & we don't FIGHT about money.  Being wise about getting out of debt so that you can enjoy life & give more makes everyone feel wonderful!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 4:16pm

Ya know, I really learned something about our marriage when we really startet tackling our debt issues about 1 1/2 year ago.  We don't fight about money.  We never have.  

But . . . H acts like a child with money.  He is more than happy to have an allowance and never spends money without asking for permission.  And that's weird, right?  It really is.  He does this in other aspects of our marriage too. 

And frankly, I'm tired of being the adult.  Always the adult.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed (and thankfully I have places like this board to come to and vent),  

And I've really learned something recently.  I'm careful to put allowances in our budget to "reward" H . . . to keep him invested and motivated on this journey.  But, like a true mom would act, I forgo things for myself to make this happen for him.  That's not fair to me.  So I've been working on finding some balance.  It's just so hard.

We do sit down and "talk" weekly about where we are, but mainly this is just me showing H what is going on, and asking if he has any input (which he rarely does). 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 3:25pm

It sure used to. Just never enough money to go around. I think especially in those times where you have wanted something for a long long time, like a new vaccuum and you just don't get it. And even when you get out of debt the money troubles don't end. You usually set up savings goals that replace where the debt dollars were going. It is discouraging not to meet to those as well. And you think? Will this roller coaster ever end?

I think couples need to talk about money weekly. Set goals but don't be too hard on yourselves if they aren't quite there. You will get there. Things come up and life happens, but it needs to be monitored and discussed and then agreed upon. 

I think the fighting happens when a 180 is pulled or old bad habits creep up again. That is why if it is discussed weekly it is easier to keep you eye on the prize and focus. 

Sure we fight sometimes but I think we mostly money like minded. I wouldn't be in a relationship again where that wasn't the case. Its too hard. 

Good luck everyone!

Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 11:25am

I am not a fighter, so we don't fight about money. But I do get annoyed (and yes, quietly fume about it sometimes!) because he thinks that he is a tightwad, and I think he is frivilous! He tries to save money in what seems to me to be useless ways, and then wastes it in other ways.

I think that if I took control more we would not be in so much debt. But I will usually back off and let him have his way... Sealed