iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 4:02pm

The reason I have been putting all this on the board because none of the money books will tell you these things I figured since most of us on the board are married and it just might give some information to some of the wives that hopefully they will never have to use.

Yes we had a wills Mine gave everything to Raymond and he was executor with a backup of our son His was everything went to me with son as a back up. By the way I need a new will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
In reply to: kymaiden40215
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 10:34am

I'm a little surprised that, when your will was created, the lawyer didn't advise you to note secondary beneficiary. I thought this was a standard practice. Also worth noting is that you don't have to name relatives or friends as an Executor: you can have your lawyer act as executor. I don't know if it's different up here in Canada, but I was surprised to find that your estate lawyers will do it for a nominal fee. It's something to think about, as it saves a family member from having to be bear the brunt of the responsibility.

Mary Ann, I've heard from a number of friends that sorting out estates can tear families apart. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this with your son.


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
In reply to: kymaiden40215
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 9:01am

Being a mother of only one son, I can only hope & pray that mine treats me better than your son has treated you.

Advise from a friend:


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
In reply to: kymaiden40215
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 9:05pm

I know it is a short time day wise since he died Not even a month until the 11th but for me personally it seems like it has been going on for years instead of days.

What makes me the maddest is the people that work for the banks and such. I feel sometime they are just lazy They tell you one thing then go back and tell you something else So all I feel I am doing in going around on a some kind of Gerber wheel Never getting anywhere. It just becomes a small joy and I know that is the wrong way to say it. Just to finish one piece of paper, one account close one credit card anything and not have to go back and readdress it again.

Yes I have done a lot but there is still a lot to do and when you are sick yourself it makes it so hard.

Thanks for your comment

Mary Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
In reply to: kymaiden40215
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 7:26pm

Mary Ann,

I'm so sorry you are struggling with so much on your plate right now.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: kymaiden40215
Mon, 03-05-2012 - 6:40pm
I guess I just thought much of what you are describing went smoother with a will. I suppose in the sceme of things not very much time has gone by and asking for a death certificate would not be too much for a business to ask for. But I am suprised you are having issues with joint items.

My grandparents died 10 weeks apart and like you two, my grandfather was the one who had cancer, and it was my grandmother that just droped one day. They were in the middle of moving...oh what a mess. Grandpa was cleaning out his garage and trying to get moved into a manufactured home so grandma would not have the land to take car of when he passed. He insisted on going back home, and how can you say no to a dying man. He got phnemonia and died 10 weeks after grandma.

So you right, Mary Ann. We have to be careful. Luckily, my mom was an only child, so no issue there.

I have a friend whos grandmother made the mistake of putting the granddaugther on the title of the house. Unfortunately when she passed, GD could not sell without having to pay income taxes....the house was technically already hers.

She lived there for a while and now rents it out. It would have gone entirely different if grandma would have willed it to her.

Thanks so much for sharing Mary Ann.