Ups and Downs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Ups and Downs
Sun, 04-14-2013 - 5:21pm

Hello all! 

Kind of down lately, and have not been on the board because I have been working so many hours.  As most of you know, I took a buy-out from a salary job to pursue my dream of going back into financial management - you on the board were a great catalyst to this and a place for my passion when I could not practice.  <p>

The good that came out of this year are all the exams I passed, and passed highly, the work I have done with an independent planner and all I have learned.  With my help he has almost tripled his practice this year in volume, added over 25% more clients/assets to his book of business and has processes that show his clients a very polished practice. I now actually hold more credentials, licenses and certifications than he does. <p>

The bad is that he has not lived up to his promises and has slashed what he promised me by over 1/3.  Stupid me, I thought that this was an industry that required integrity and his verbal promises have been forgotten.  He demands I do tasks for him that do nothing for my bottom line, I am not an employee but a contractor, and therefore I am working for less than minimum wage with all the hours I have been putting in.  He can be abraisive to the other staffers in the office when clients are not around.  He is also not a team person, just demanding and all over the place.  <p>

The financial upside is that we got a $4k tax refund that will pay about one month of bills so I have decided to make a move.  I am looking at many other options and actually hired a coach in the industry who just can't believe all I do and have put in place for the practice.  Her comment was "WHY are you still there??"  I already have 2 offers from other firms, and about 3 meetings in the next week.  When you carry the licences I have obtained, you are in demand, as the pass rates are less tham 40%, and women in the industry are less than 15%.  I know I can do a much better job for clients than I have seen from many others.  I learned that teaching is my strong suit and when I teach financial classes, people want to come in to talk to me.  I have had clients who have cried, were scared, hugged me when they left and sent me gifts - all in the short time I have been doing this.  I really enjoy helping women get on the right track. I do not look at balance sheets for the "top" clients, but really help everyone who needs my assistance.<p>

So I am still in transition, after 6 years of nothing but transition.  Still no new house, or remodeling planned until we get financially solid.  We have kept all bills paid this year, miraculously, and are actually about $25k ahead of last year in savings and debt payoff.  DD was asked by one of her professors to go abroad this summer, so there are extra expenses there, and I don't know where DSS's tuition is coming from next year - just praying it will be there.  DH is doing well, but his bonus was lower and his raise is going to be less than we had hoped, but at least it is a raise.  <P>

Thank you all for being on here, venting and helping me realize people need good help.  I have learned so much from all of you.  And I will need your support as I move to eating beans and rice once again, in order to build it in my way, the way I know it should be done. <p>


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 04-14-2013 - 9:15pm

Marie, I totally understand how you must feel. Everyone says it takes 5 years to really get a business started and you have put that time in! Time to start getting a return on that investment :) But you know that it is coming. Hopefully one these firms will offer you what you deserve.

I am feeling pretty overwhelmed myself. Doing school full time is just kind of depressing. 2 more years of work, school & bratty kids (yes, being able to run over dad & caregivers are making my children spoiled brats and I am not happy about it) with no real breaks gives me nothing to look forward to. And as much as I'll say "it is only 2 years"...before that it was just this and just never seems to end!

Dh is working lots of hours too. So we have money but it doesn't seem to be enough. Our idea of a vacation is $20/night camping. That is totally OK - but not when you are both working so hard. What is it for then? You know?

And of course, I am sick right before finals week...laid out on the couch...lucky for me I don't have to study to get B's and B's will just have to do bc this post tired me out ;)


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 10:21am

Do you know where I see you thriving the most? Working for a company with a modest salary and blowing them out of the water with their meager expectations and you getting tons of commisions, bonues ect. That is where I see you on your top game. At any rate, I hope you are going where they appreciate you because that guy sounds like an "beeeeep"! I admire what you do. I wish I could do it but I don't think I have the investment side and have trouble articulating what I want to say in the paying off debt part. It is easier when you do it on here but not so easy when you are speaking to someone. Plus......I would not be able to have the tact if a lady told me her husband spent x amount of dollars on silly things. Because of what I went through with my first husband I would probably say things I shouldn't lol. But I try on here to give advice that would be helpful and keep my opinions to myself lol. But I don't always do that, example...the next paragraph.

Is DD paying for some of this abroad experience. I know she is good with her money because you have taught her to be so. But she is also afraid of debt. That is a good thing. However, you are the person you are today because you went into debt for the things you believe in and perhaps this is the time to let her sink or swim? She can't have everything? and of course she will swim! She is going to be in school for a long time from what you have said her goals are  lofty whih is great. She is a smart girl and has lots of ambition. Is there a cut off year? Line? Date? Something to think about. At least with school. I know you plan on helping with a wedding etc but this education has just exploded. And your income has changed so much I know she would understand what you are going through if you just explain even half of it, even if you have said yes already. Had to put my two cents in there. 

I have been doing this for as long as you have and have learned a lot from you and probably will continue to do so. So yea, thanks! I have cried on here too from some people's responses to my posts. I cannot recall whose they were but this board is so important and so responsive and has such good advice in every area. 

You are going to do great no matter what you choose for a career, no matter the arena you choose to put your self out there. You are DH are a rock star team!! Ummm, and nice tax return!! That is never a bad surprise!

Take care Marie


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 1:03pm

I remember my husband loosing his job in 2005 and it took several years to fall back into the right job.  Sometimes it just takes a while.  I hope you land a job that is more fitting for you and the hours are spent in pleasure not for some snob that does not appreiate your qualifications.  

Good luck and keep us updated!

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 11:00pm

marketingvirgo wrote:
The bad is that he has not lived up to his promises and has slashed what he promised me by over 1/3.  Stupid me, I thought that this was an industry that required integrity and his verbal promises have been forgotten.

I'm not familiar with the Real World, having lived my entire life in the Ivory Tower. But what I have learned from job negotiations is that employers will say anything to get you to sign on the dotted line. Sometimes they outright lie. Sometimes they are ignorant and cannot possibly deliver what they promise. The clever ones would make sure none of the promises they don't intend to deliver go into the contract, and then they tell you the contract doesn't mean anything. Then once you're in the job, it's impossible to get them to honor the terms. If you do, they threaten your career with coded words like you're being "uncooperative." (That means they will sabotage your tenure case.) So I have no idea how to get an employer to honor the contract, much less the verbal promises that were made during the negotiation. But you seem to expect the guy to live up to the verbal contract. Why?

By the way, DD isn't going abraod... with the professor, is she? Something interesting happens on these overseas trips. People seem to forget that they've got boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/families at home, especially when they go to an isolated place. So archeological digs are particularly famous for people hooking up. I mean, they get up at 3 AM, work until 9 AM, and have the rest of the day to, urh, "explore." You get to see some pretty wild behaviors out there. Of course, your own experience is down to your character. Going abroad isn't a mind-altering drug. It's just freedom.

Good luck with the transition. You're resourceful, and you'll be able to make the jump!

Hey, Marie, I think when you post to the forum, the site automatically does the <p> for you.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 12:49pm


I have to remember that I will never "arrive."  There is always something to work on, something that is changing, etc. etc.  And really, wouldn't it be boring if we ever found ourselves finally being "done." 

I have a friend in her early 40's for who, for the most part, works for a while, then goes to school for a while, works for a while, then goes to school for a while.  Not sure how many degrees she has.  Do I get it, no.  But this seems to be her journey.  She was able to move to Europe and yep, she is going to school again. 

I think we set ourselves up with expectations and forget that life is about the journey.  We have to remember to smell the roses along the way.  Kiss

Serenity CL Making a Second Marriage Work

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Thu, 04-18-2013 - 3:43pm
Karen - Thanks for such a thoughtful post. I know I love this industry and have the degrees for it, and the experience. Honestly, I have found and use financial tools that help me articulate the "you are spending too much on CRAP" scenerios as needed. As far as the kids and their education, DD is not getting a full ride. She is working about 15 hours a week, covers all her expenses (books, fees, gas, food for apartment, etc.) and she has student loans every term. So far almost $20k in loans. Issue is that her school has cost me $55k so far. Undergrad is about $100k for public in-state school. She got more scholarships and a grant for the next school year. Going abroad will cost a bit more, but she was asked to go by a professor in her major to study some important areas that are in the news regularly - a great opportunity. I have made no promises for grad school and we will try to help as much as we can. There are plusses here, like location close to home, and the initiatives I have put into place - but I cannot see being a partner here. Wrong person for me and you have to figure that out in place. Good tax return is because I made 10% in the last 6 months of what I made the 1st six months and deductions were based on one year. DH continues putting away in his 401k and we do get a small credit for the kids in school. Efund is GONE, business Efund is GONE, bills are still there, but less, DH got a 3% raise, but 1% is going back into 401k as we are so not on track. We will surive, there are choices. -M
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Thu, 04-18-2013 - 3:50pm
Thanks so much PB! Well I am not an "employee" so there was no written contract. I was training with him to learn the independent side of the business. I learned, now I have a written contract with the Broker as an independent myself - not the guy whose office I am in, now my splits are spelled out and he does get some of it, but in our world it is WAY different than normal workplaces. DD is going with 3 other students, they are staying at a University in a major city, and two Profs are involved. DD also has a really good head on her shoulders, as a waitress in an upscale restaurant she has seen her share of propositions, and is far more aware than most of her contemporaries, but the warnings are truly appreciated. I am working on 3 other options now, might be 4 here soon. Also hired a coach to help me navigate the waters, and she is amazing and worth every penny. -M