Worried about the Future

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2008
Worried about the Future
4
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 3:09pm

Hello,

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we have talked about the future and possibly getting married one day and having kids.  He has been previously married (divorced 10 years ago) with 2 great kids.  He's also 45 and I am almost 30.

A few weeks ago I decided to ask him about his finanical information and credit score.  He said that it's not good, that he assumed most of the debt in the divorce (around $60k to be exact) and he had to file from bankruptcy and is still recovering.  The good thing is the $60k of debt was wiped clean.  Also, just yesterday he wanted to let me know that he is giving his car back to the bank (aka voluntary repossession) because he can't afford it anymore.  He was paying $600 a month which seemed outrageous to me but due to this prior bankruptcy that was the best he could get with his credit score.  So on top of child support payments ($1,600 a month), his rent ($1,600 a month), car payment ($600 a month) and all his other expenses (kids gymnastics and baseball), his expenses were more going out than what he was making (and he makes a good salary).  He is however able to borrow a car from a friend of his so he has a way of getting around.

Ever since finding this stuff out, I've been really nervous about the future.  I know the bankruptcy will be wiped off his credit score in the next few years, but then there is this repossession which will now show up.  His credit score is already low and I'm just worried about what is going to happen in the future.  His kids are getting older (they are now 15 and almost 11), so I know child support won't be as bad in the next few years and he doesn't have any credit carb debt at all.  I guess i'm just looking for words of support in the event anyone has been through the same situation.  His ex-wife has remarried so she has her income, her husband's income and the child support my boyfriend pays on top of that.

If we can get his money together and his credit score improving I would feel better, but that seems like a ways away.....any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2008
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 1:49pm
Thank You so much everyone! This advice is very helpful as I don't know what it's like to have debt as I've never really had that much. Thanks for the invite Serenity, I will make my way over to that board as well for some advice :)
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 12:59pm

Sure, reason for concern, but it sounds like he has learned from all of this and is making better choices now.  And that is huge!  If he doesn't have CC debt, that is also a good sign. 

On a side note:  he may very well be paying CS for another 10 years if the youngest go to College and their activities get more expensive as they get older.   The CS will eventually end, but parenting never does.  Graduations parties, weddings, grandchildren, etc. etc. Not trying to be negative, just want you to go into this with your eyes open.   You will need to accept that money will probably always be going out, to some degree, for his kids. 

Like another poster already said, it sounds like he is being honest, which again, is huge!  Also remember that although if you do get married the other persons score can affect some thing you may want to do together, like buy a house, but things that are separate will continue to be separate on your credit reports.  (i.e. just because I got married, doesn't mean my CC is going to show up on my DH's credit report)  Now if I were to go MIA, sure, eventually the CC would try to get their money from my DH. 

There is actually some very practical reasons to keep some money separate.  Remember the days when a widow couldn't get a CC because everything was joint, or in her DH's name was primary, etc. etc. 

It sounds like your BF needs to find a cheaper place to live, or needs to cut back somewhere else.  He can't borrow cars forever, so something will have to give along the way.  If you want to help him, regardless of whether you move in with him or not, would be to remind him that he needs to find a way to save for another vehicle.  Maybe he would be willing to layout his monthly expenditures and you could do it together. 

Enough babling out of me.  Come over MSMW.  I am not allowed to link or copy your post, but you will get great advice over there, also. 

Serenity CL Making a Second Marriage Work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Thu, 08-29-2013 - 11:54am

welcome to the board! I can see why you feel the way you feel. It's good that you have this information, and he sounds like he's being very honest, which is a great foundation for your relationship. All you can do is wait & see what the future brings.....and as long as you are aware and aren't blinded by love, you will be alright.

Re: his car, can he sell it himself and pay off the loan that way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 7:02pm

Cut down by changing living arraigments find something cheaper, sell some stuff and get debt in order smallest to largest to get it paid down.

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