Mostly new...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2012
Mostly new...
Mon, 07-22-2013 - 10:10pm

Hello everybody! I was here very briefly a while back, and quite simply got busy. I was probably under a different screen name, and definitely fell victim to the board reorganization. Anywho, my name is Jan. I am 32, married for nine years, and have three boys, 17, 16, 4, and a little girl on the way, due in September. We are pretty deep in debt, and while we are certainly making progress, in that we are not taking out any new loans, I want to agressively pay down debt, and DH is not really on board with the agressive part. I also just completed my first week being unemployed after being at the same company for 11 years. We have had a drastic slowdown of work, and there really isn't anything to be done about it. I have been actively looking for work, but it will be difficult with being nearly 7 months pregnant. I do have a part time job, and can pick up more hours, but unfortunately, I live 45 miles from the P/T job, so it almost isn't worth the trip. It made sense when I worked F/T in the same city as the P/T job, but now, not so much.

The good news is that unemployment should be enough to pay the bills, after the reduction in gas and daycare expenses. I also have sporadic child support coming in, which helps, but I am going stir crazy, and have been trying to coupon in my newly found time. While that saves us a ton long term, (buying lots of cheap diapers and other things), it is so easy to spend money. I have been in a store of some sort nearly every day this last week. So here I am. I am about $400.00 from paying off my last CC, and DH is close on a loan. We keep separate finances, which I wish we could move past, but again, he's not in agreement. I could probably pay off the CC any day, but want to have some cushion while unemployed. (UGGGHHHH, I hate that word.) I have not been unemployed in a very long time, and hate it already. I'm here for the support, and the check point. :)

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 11:37am

Welcome back!  Although keeping separate accounts is generally a good thing in a second marriage (or kids from another partner) it can make these situations trickier.  After 7 years with my SO we got married last month.  Yes, we are keeping our separate accounts.  But I have debt and he doesn't.  So I am just at the beginning of pounding out how this will work.  We both agreed to continue to keep the separate accounts and to be a signer on each others account, but he didn't exactly jump up and down and say "I will pay off your debt for you." 

I guess first would to be set up a budget based on your unemployment income.  If the CC debt was accumlated together, then I think your DH should commit to a certain amount going towards that out of his money.  It may not be as much as you would like, but you got to start somewhere. 

Of course, there is the tried and true starting point of writing down every penny you spend for a month. 

Would he be willing to put the "extra" money when the loan is paid off towards a CC? 

Enough out of me.  I hope you stick around and keep posting.  The boards need a "pick me up"

Serenity CL Making a Second Marriage Work

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 12:09pm

Hi Welcome, or welcome back.

I had a baby girl last summer about this time with a 16 yr old boy and 13 year old boy at home! I don' thave the 4  year old in there though lol. 

Not incurring new debt  is a great first step. Don't take that lightly, it is to be commended! Its really tough when the DH is not on board.  Have you sat him down and explained to him how much it stresses you out on a scale of 1-10 and why--financial future, the kids etc? That may or may not help but sometimes they don't even know.

First and foremost, lets get this baby here! You have to know what is coming out and coming in for your buget on a reduced income for yourself.  Before I had the baby last year I got rid of as much debt as possible because I own my own business and did not even get unemployment. but guess what, getting rid of payments is like giving yourself a raise. What is coming in is not going right back out again in the form of a payment. So I was really happy to be rid of my husband's student loan and one car payment I will tell ya! But it is what it is and you only have 2 months left, work with what you have.  I would say that hanging on to extra cash right now and making minimum payments unless you get extra would be the way to go before baby. After baby, when you get into a groove, rethink and pay down if you get extra. You never know what comes up with a new one around!

Good luck and post often. You are right the accountability at the bottom is a great way to  say the thoughts out loud and make yourself stick to it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Fri, 07-26-2013 - 2:01pm

I'm a little late with my "welcome to the board" post - but . . . WELCOME TO THE BOARD.

Karen is right, you ARE making progress just by stopping the accumlation of debt.  And she is also right that you need to concentrate on your baby to start with.  

You do have a whole lot going on!

I'm actually not a big fan of keeping separate accounts (and I'm in a second marriage with children from my first).  In my mind, it's just hard to get on the same page with your spouse when you are on separate spreadsheets, KWIM?

Anywho . . 

While you are at home you should maybe start listening to Clark Howard or Dave Ramsey or whoever on the radio to keep yourself concentrated on the debt thing.  Ohhh and about the couponing . . . it really can easily get out of hand, but once you get the hang of it, it can pay off (just don't think "saving money" is an excuse for "spending money").  Perhaps only allow yourself one shopping trip a week.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 11:47pm
I totally agree about the separate bank accounts. It would just be harder to track. I personally would have trust issue with it. Welcome to the board and CONGRATS!!! I would love to be pregnant with a girl but I am too old (41) for kids :( I have 2 boys 5 & 3 right now. Cheers, Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2012
Tue, 07-30-2013 - 11:50am
Thanks for the welcome, Ladies! It is hard to keep track with separate accounts. And I love Dave Ramsey. He is definitely my fav, although I haven't listened to him since I came out of work. The separate accounts is frustrating, especially when $2k in the account means broke to him, and $2 in the account means broke to me. I could only dream of having $2k in my account.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Tue, 07-30-2013 - 12:34pm

Well if you are a Dave Ramsey fan . . . he is pretty adamant about NOT having any separate accounts. (I don't agree with him on everything, but I do think he makes a good point about combining money in a marriage). Ramsey also now has his an hourly daily show on podcast which makes it easy to listen to him whenever you want.  Just google him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2012
Wed, 07-31-2013 - 6:32pm
Yes, I know... :) Unfortunately, that's another something my hubby and I don't see eye to eye on 100%. I wanted separate accts in the beginning, due to being burned by the ex, and DH was the same. I'm just sort of over it now, and he is more set in his ways, I guess.