need to pay off debt before i lose my fiance

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2012
need to pay off debt before i lose my fiance
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 6:15pm


hi everyone! i'm 36 yrs old, a registered nurse and i am a compulsive buyer. hence my $15069.70 credit card debt. i recently got engaged about 6months ago and my fiance was big on reminding me of  my spending habits. we have been together for 3yrs and the first year we were together he found out i owe about 10k on credit cards - he was floored! he's the type of guy who pays in cash, has no debt and with perfect credit score. anyway i had to use my $$ from my 401k to pay it off. but because i had an addiction, it didn't take long for me to rack up my CC bills again. i would buy a lot of stuff online, go on trips i couldn't even afford etc. i lied to him about all these and told him i am in control of  my debt.. it was a condition for us that before moving forward i should show him financial responsibility. so last year we bought a house. i have been paying my CC so my credit score wasn't that bad so he had no idea, i mean 748 was still pretty much a good score.

yesterday we went shopping for a couch and asked me how i was doing with my finances. i couldn't lie to him any longer so i told him i am in deep trouble again. he was beyond pissed. i dont know what's gonna happen to us but i returned the ring and told him i don't deserve it.

so today i vowed to myself this debt is not worth it to lose the love of my life!

i cut up all my cards except for one - for a real "emergency"

signed up for this support group

wondering if having it consolidated would be a good idea? i heard it hurts your credit score and i don't want that to happen



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 6:54pm
I think it would help you to start to write down some numbers. The first is your take home pay, then the bills you have to pay each, electricity, phone (landline, cell phone, data services), cable. Then write down the things you pay annually, house and car insurance, car registration, real estate and excise tax. divide those by 12. Do you have student loans or car payments? Write those down. Then see what you can do to lower that amount...give up land line? Call around for a better insurance rate? Cut back on cable? Then list your credit card debt. List the amount you owe, the minimum payment each month, and the interest rate. Then call each company and ask to have your interest rate lowered. Talk to at least three people each time you call, asking for supervisors each time. Do not tell them you Are in trouble. Tell them you are a good customer who is getting offers for lower rates from other companies. With all this information, you will know how much you have left after you pay the necessary bills. You will know the new minimum on your accounts. You are a nurse, and you are young. Can you work an extra shift where you are or somewhere else to make extra money? Do you really need all the stuff you bought, or could you sell some at a yard sale or on eBay? Or use it as gifts for the next year? Take the extra money you have raised, and build an emergency fund. Most people start with $1000. Then decide which debt you want to eliminate first. Some people like to pay the smallest to largest, so they feel progress. The most money efficient way to do this is to pay the highest interest rate debt first. Some people do one small, highest rate, next small, etc. I think you might also want to explore why you use shopping as stress relief...I think we all have, alcohol, gambling, even exercise - shopping is better than some other things until you can't pay the bills. You might want to fit a therapist into ypur budget, or read some books about compulsive behavior. You are wise to realize that you have a habit that might endanger your can get back on track, but your relationship may have some trust issues that won't be easy to wishes with both. SJ
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 8:41pm

I don't think debt consolidation is the answer.  To be perfectly honest, I think you need to start therapy.

You knew your fiance viewed your spending as an aberration (and it is).  Yet you continued to spend even though it threatened your relationship.  This is a disorder, and you need to address the disorder first.