New Here - Need Help & Support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
New Here - Need Help & Support!
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 10:27pm

Hi all

I don’t even know where to start really. I have been poking around this board for the past few months and I finally have the courage to post. I spent the past few weeks thinking of reasons why I’m in debt and trying to blame it on one excuse or another but let’s be honest, there really is no excuse why I’m in debt. I wanted to blame it on my horrible childhood. You know, my parents were divorced when I was young and they spoiled me because they wanted to buy my love or my mom was only 17 when I was born… Let’s just face it, I spend way above our means and there is no other reason than that.

I don’t even know where to start. I try to make a budget but I can never get us to stick to it. See there I go again, I say I make a budget, who am I kidding!! I don’t even know how to make a budget! What are the guidelines for a budget? How much goes to food, house stuff, extras, savings… AHHHH!!!

Right now we are about 48K in debt and I don’t know how to stop the spending. I’m a stay home mom of 2 and my hubby works. I’m kind of honest with him about our debt and spending but I have such a hard time telling him no when he wants to buy something. I feel like he should be able to buy what he wants because he works so hard to make it possible for me to stay at home.

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 11:05am

Hang in there. I don't have anything to add to the many excellent suggestions from the previous posts. I just want to reiterate that your self-worth does not have to be tied to material things, including money, debt, possessions (or the lack thereof). Many of us made the mistake of mistaking the former for the latter, and that's partly how we ended up here. We each got here differently, and maybe it will take different things to make us truly realize, from the depth of our souls, that love is enough for our sense of worth. (Notice I didn't say love is all we need -- we need food, shelter, etc., too.)

I am catching myself looking through catalogues or websites for the next purchase, though I've been quite good about not spending. The consumerist world is our temptation, and we must be innoculated against it. Not sure whether this applies to you at all, but maybe avoiding window shopping of any sort (even thinking of "stuff I'll need") will help.

Good luck. We are here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2010
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 9:31am

Welcome aboard!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2011
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 10:25pm

A huge thanks to all that replied!

I really feel like I'm ready to take on the world or in this case debt... I know it's going to take awhile to start knocking it down but I feel like I'm really ready to get back in control again. This year has just been a rough year for the family and I'm ready to take a whole new outlook on it. I will be sure to keep posting on my progress so I can keep my momentum up. Again thank you all for the ideas, support and compassion.


Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 11:53am
Well, now that you've got that off your chest, you can start doing something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 8:15am

The first step is to learn how to make a budget that works.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 12:12pm

Your post is very honest, I like it! Welcome.

Do you mind if I ask what the $48,000 is? Is it the total of something? Credit cards, loans ect?

You need a take charge plan as I think your post reads as a loss of control in more than one way. Budget, emergency fund and small goals should get you on the right track.

Budget:There are lots of bugets online you could download or someone here might give you one.They are in fact, supposed to be simple. Everything you have to spend money on vs all of your income. There are percentages you are supposed to keep within

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 11:49am

Don't be afraid or scared to be here - we are all supportive and everyone starts from somewhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Mon, 11-14-2011 - 3:04am

Welcome to the board H.!

I agree with the PP (Previous Poster) on all accounts. Like she mentioned the first baby step is to write down what you spend your money on for a month.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 12:35pm