son and DIL in financial trouble (warning: very long!)
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|Wed, 07-17-2013 - 9:14am|
O.K., first of all, if you're going to tell me that this is none of my business and that I should stay out of it, don't bother reading this and don't respond. I have heard all this "stay out of it" on the "in-law" board. I am hoping here that I will actually get some advice. This is serious.
My son and daughter-in-law got married last summer and had a baby in March. We are elated to become grandparents. However, this happiness has been tainted by worries over their finances. She had school loans and he probably should not have married her until these were paid down. But, they didn't want to wait until they were in their 30's to have kids. I'm not sure how much is left on the school loans, but it's going to be several years before it's paid off. She also bought a car that she didn't need (her other one needed only a minor repair) All of this with no guidance from her parents. They even told her to buy the car! (Her parents are terrible with money and this is where she learned it) If she would have kept her old car it would've been paid off a couple of years ago. They ended up having to sell said car, because it was too small for baby stuff. My son got laid off a few years ago. He had bought a house and ended up doing a short sale. Because of this, he couldn't get a loan. We bought them a house, and they pay us rent, sometimes.....they are behind since the baby came and DIL has not been working. DIL doesn't make much money at her job, but it is something. She works for a school so will go back in the fall. She always talked about that she wanted to do daycare, and this was way before she became pregnant. I thought she was going to do this, get licensed and do daycare. Now she's changed her mind. She could make hundreds of more dollars a week if she did daycare and she could be with the baby! Yes, she can go back to her job and pay daycare, but she won't be bringing much home. They were barely making it before and now with paying daycare she will be hardly bring anything home, and I'm afraid they won't make it. So, this gets worse. She has been so poorly taught about money that she doesn't even get how much trouble they're in and why my son gets so upset about it. He is working 50-60 hours a week and driving home 30 miles after working the night shift. I am very afraid he will fall asleep driving since your body tells you were supposed to be sleeping. She doesn't like it that he works so much, but yet she still doesn't make any attempt to help a little more to support this family. They are 4 months behind on paying us rent. He has told her that if they had any other landlord that they would be evicted by now. SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT!!!!!! My husband does not know how behind they are because I keep track of our finances, and I'm afraid to tell him. I will just try to reason with him that it is because she isn't working right now. Anyhow, I just don't see how they're going to stay married unless she changes her attitude about money and soon!!! I am going to suggest financial counseling, I know you can get this cheap or free if you are low income. Any other ideas????? I would really like to sit down with her and explain how this is not working and that she needs to help here. My son cannot do it alone. I just do not understand how he can tell her that they would be evicted if they had any other landlord and she still doesn't get it that she needs to get off her butt and get to work and make some money. He is not getting through to her, obviously, so I think I need to step in. If my husband and I both do it, she will feel ganged up on, and since he doesn't know how behind they are, this isn't an option. HELP!!!!! I know they are supposed to figure this out by themselves, but like I said, it's not working, she doesn't get it!!!!! They are getting further in debt and it will only get worse!! Since they owe us so much money I feel it is our business!!! What should I do??? What should I tell my son to do???? He is so stressed out I'm afraid he's going to have a heart attack or get an ulcer or something!!
Sorry so long!!!!! Any advice would be appreciated!
I will be gone visiting my very ill brother this weekend, so if I don't get back to you right away don't be offended, I will get back to you when I get home!