How would you feel if someone redid a flower bed w/o permission?

Avatar for akamarti
Community Leader
Registered: 02-14-2000
How would you feel if someone redid a flower bed w/o permission?
6
Thu, 07-17-2014 - 11:36pm

I came home to find that my girls had decided to redo my beds under the front eaves! They took out what they didn't like and potted up some plants in their place, using my pots (and some  belonging to a friend who left them here and hasn't been able to come get them.)  They yanked some plants it took me years to find and establish....and worse yet, they were from my late mother's yard! They didn't deadhead the rhodies....they clipped off the end with the dead blossom!

I tried to be gracious but it hurt to see my favorites gone and annuals in their places.  Oh, they dug up the dahlias, too. Potted some and tossed others!

Am I wrong to feel a little hurt and violated when I KNOW they meant well??

Marti

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

Marti, I would feel hurt and violated too. Its kind of like somebody deciding to "help" you by going through your closet and getting rid of your clothes that they don't like. 

As I recall, you had moved out of state temporarily? Were they living in your house in your absence?

When the height of the emotion has passed, I would probably sit them down and thank them for their good intentions but then gently explain to them what they did---tossing rare plants or those with sentimental value, pruning instead of deadheading, etc. Remind them that your garden is not just there to cover the dirt next to the house, it is your hobby and a form of self expression. Maybe use the closet analogy if it would click with them, one person's vintage store treasure is another person's out of date secondhand junk. The reason I suggest talking to them is to hopefully prevent them from doing something like that again the next time you go away....if they think they did good this time who knows what else they might do!

I'm especially sorry about the plants from your mom's yard. 

So, are you back home for good or just for a visit? You must have been out surfing all the timeWink because I don't think I've seen you on the boards for a long time.

Avatar for akamarti
Community Leader
Registered: 02-14-2000

Oh, I've already given the talk......though not as considerately as might have been if not for the shock! (I have a sister who wants to come over and heelp me redo my house! She says "we think you need more accent walls and to get out of your black and white and neutrals." I was exceedingly rude and won't reprint what I said to that!

If left to them, I'd be living in a house that doesn't reflect ME! I personally, don't like THEIR decors, but it's their home and choice.

We're home but not for GOOD. Still have some traveling left in us while we can. This was a strongly suggested "rest cure in a warmer climate".....which did some good but made other problems worse. T'was expensive supporting two households...youngest son and his best friend lived here...with girlfriends sometimes. We had planned to stay a year but the weather was too hot and humid to stand. I walked the grounds in the middle of the night to catch any errant breezes. Our "manager" said we could put in a window AC...we did and I slept well for the first time in months. Then "The Association Board" gave us 24 hours to remove it or be fined $150 a day! Apparently, in the 8 pages of rules which took us almost 8 months to GET, it says virtually everything has to be approved by the board, even when the condo is OWNED and lived in by the owner. They fined people for things not even in the rules. Friendly group. When you rent or lease, everything must go through your manager (in ourr case a realtor).....and ours wasn't exactly proactive. He promised lots of things that never got done and finally admitted that our unit was going to be foreclosed when we left...so they wouldn't even fix the ice maker!

 The scenery...fabulous! The biology and geology...fascinating. The ocean...a total relief from pain. I swam with sea turtles, witnessed anemone and sea urchin gardens, startled a baby manta who scare me more...we both went as fast as we could in opposite directions, snorkled some fabulous reefs, swam 1/2 a mile out to distant reefs a few times..aware of barracuda and other dangers, has a school of fish decide I was Mama and follow me around for half an hour, played peek-a-boo with a green turtle and looooooooooved the ocean. The history and crafts are fascinating though most of the crafts have died off except quilting and carving and dance. They're just reviving tapa making and making shell jewelry is out unless you import the shells! Coconuts are still fair game for crafting if properly treated....husked, scraped and disinfected and sealed. Bringing materials home was a  real hassle of disinfecting! 

We stayed 10 months instead of 12 because the heat totally brought on a flare and they had to double my pain meds to make it bearable.

I will miss the beautiful flowers. I will definitely miss the ocean!  But not Kihei's weather or Hawaiian costs.

I missed my kids and grandkids and great grandkids. I missed my cats. I MISSED HOME. Glad to be back!

Marti

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

I've been to Hawaii once and we stayed in Kihei! It was late March and the weather and the water were great, early-mid afternoon was a little hot to be out in the sun. I've "heard" that the temperature in Hawaii is pretty much the same year round but from what you're saying the summer is noticably hotter. Was it a fluke this year or does it always vary by the season, and the "perfect temperature year round" bit  is Con-Vis propaganda?

Too bad it didn't work out for you, I hope they let you out of the lease without a problem. HOAs, what fun (sarcasm). I've never lived in one and hope that I never do. 

What about just being a snowbird and going to Arizona for the winter?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

You know, from the getgo, I couldn't figure out why your dds would go to the WORK and trouble to dig out your flower beds and redo them.  Where they such avid gardeners and needed a new project?  Somehow, I didn't think so.  Then with this post, the light came on.  You were gone 10 MONTHS, and during that time "...youngest son and his best friend lived here...with girlfriends sometimes...".

Your dds didn't do this out of a desire to rearrange your gardens; they did it to save their brother's life.  Obviously, for 10 months, your gardens were neither watered or weeded.  Perhaps there was a discussion somewhere to "get around to it".  Then you decided to come home early.  I'm sure your daughters went into panic mode, and dug out everything strangled, overrun, dead & dying.  They made an effort to salvage what was still breathing, hence the dug out perennials in pots, and gave it some fast color with annuals.

I have an acre, and a number of gardens I've worked on for years.  The longest we've been away on vacation was 3 WEEKS, and since the whole family went, I hired a landscaper and left EXPLICIT instructions.  If dh & I go away for just a week, and my girls watch the house, I leave instructions, and even then, I've come home to find problems, and the explaination, "Well the car broke down, and the kids had the flu, and you didn't write THAT down...".

I would apologize to the girls, and thank them for their well meaning rescue.

Avatar for akamarti
Community Leader
Registered: 02-14-2000

Oh, we saw definite seasons......more wet, less wet, hotter, cooler, active trade winds, nary a whiff of wind....but apparently Kihei is in a drought mode the last few years and we only got 3-4 rains the whole 10 months. Get on the highway and go five miles either way and we'd run into rain. Not much, but some! I've been over half a dozen times and usually March to May are moderate but June through Sept. are a tad too warm...IMHO.

We had a 6 month lease and then a guaranteed 6 months, month-to-month (no rent increases). Turns out that the work we did on the place (which they had promised would be complete when we came back and wasn't) made them decide to UP the rent several hundred dollars and delay the foreclosure!  And,they did not disclose the non-working ice maker, dishwasher or stove burner and a few other things!

 Hawaii was do-able financially and attractive mentally.....also had that wonderful ocean for exercise!

SOME places in Hawaii are moderate year 'round...we just picked a bad time to choose Kihei!

Marti

Avatar for akamarti
Community Leader
Registered: 02-14-2000

Excellent conjecture...but, youngest is 26 and the gardens he DID keep weeded and watered. This was to be a nice "welcome home" surprise and DH okayed it because NO mention was made of taking anything out. They got a little carried away is all. I have partially apologized while explaining my upset to them. DS TOLD them they'd better run it past ME but they wanted the element of surprise (More like shock).

I know they meant well. They're all good kids but they didn't know the significance of some of the plants and prefer a more regimented look, while I like "English garden" variety, low up-keep, perennials. They are more into annuals and color spots and have the health to change out each year.

And,you are right on in one way.....his definition of cleaning inside definitely doesn't match mine! It's totally possible that he didn't know weed from flower so didn't pull all the weeds. I got periodic pictures of the gardens....but only a few of the inside....which he had redecorated into a SEAHAWKS theme! Posters, pennants, throw blankets and pillows ...to please Dad!

We anticipated a lot....just missed a few taboos! Thanks for posting that, though......raised some other "possibilities" in my mind!

 

Marti