Giving up my baby boy is breaking my heart... Long post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Giving up my baby boy is breaking my heart... Long post
10
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:37pm

We got second cat  in April and last Sunday I gave him away cos he attacked our other cat Missy. I feel so terrible and can't stop crying, feels like I let him down and didn't give him a chance. Missy is 5yrs 9months and was raised as a kitten from 4weeks old. She is very spoiled and is treated like our baby, we got a second because we can't go on holidays together she gets depressed in a cattery and when I find a full time job she would be home by herself. I wanted her to have a companion and feel secure when she goes in to a cattery with another cat. We got him from the RSPCA shelter. He is a 3 1/2 yr old tonk+ragdoll grey very big boy he was surrendered because his owner didn't have time for him and later when I called they were like the surrender reason also says he was not a good fit with the family. We named him Pretty Ricky and he responds to Ricky.

Ricky was in the laundry for 2 weeks but after a week I open the door so he can see Missy and get to know each other. Missy is a very picky puss she doesn't like female cats use to pick fights when we let her outdoors. She loves boy cats only ones who are shy and not dominating. I once bought a start home she was 9yr old female and kept her in the laundry for one day Missy hated it bit me and did not go anywhere near the laundry. But with Ricky she showed a good reaction towards Ricky they would kiss each other through the door and Missy would swipe at him at times. One day in the evening Ricky had got out of laundry and we found them both in our bedroom sitting on the carpet looking at each other. We let be together the first 2 weeks it was 2 good to be true no fights.Ricky wants to play with Missy but she is scared cos he is so big and she got bitten by another cat early this year so she is scared to have ricky come closer.  She used to be playful but since Ricky came she would watch him and would occasionally play and sometimes they would start playing but it ends in a fight when Missy gets scared.

 

Ricky chases Missy and she hisses and mews even before he lays a paw on her to defend herself and  raises the alarm to rescue her. When not looking ricky would back her in to a corner she is scared to go near ricky he would hurt her but she is scared. Ricky took missy's spots except the bed we didn't let ricky in to our bedroom at night he used to sleep in spare bedroom bed cos they used to fight in the night. It's not like they can't stand each other there were times they would do their own thing look for each other when one is not in sight. Ricky is big enough to pin Missy down bite her but he didn't.  After one month when we were able to picked him up we noticed ricky had a rash on his tummy. The vet diagnosed as an insect bite first and then it got better he licked it came back the third trip to the vet he was on a flea trial and he was prescribed prednisolone from the second visit and third. He was on prednisolone and had to wear a basket to prevent him licking. His aggression at times could be due to medication and he get bored quickly.  He was becoming a good cat. He hasn't been loved a lot cos he wasn't used to stroking picking up but was getting used to it and loving it.

 

On sunday we were out I heard a cat fight when I came in Missy's fur was lying through the hallway and she was lying on the ground and Ricky was intimidating her by giving her his death looks. We tried giving him so many times couldn't cos he has become part of family and I had faith things will get better and it was though they fought on a off. missy was terrified breathing heavily and she has started grooming herself a lot and ripping her fur off. I got scared and made the choice to give him back to RSPCA. He didn't want to go in the carrier tried to be the best didn't scratch me when forced him in.  Regret giving him when I took him they said he was adopted from a cat rescue so he never got a chance to be loved have a home that's why he is insecure if I knew all this I would have tried harder.  Missy is happy he is gone comes to our laps rubs on us but I though she is spoiled will eventually get over learn to accept Ricky as time goes by. I called the shelter he is still in quarantine and will have behavior assessment to check suitability for adoption.

Things haven't been the same for me I miss Ricky so much he used to be a mamma's boy followed me around the house would sit in the bench near sink till I do dishes would come running when I call his name (missy never ever come when we call her) I feel like I overreacted I didn't even look at him cos that would change my mind I feel like I should have kept him punished him by putting him in his room for few hours. It is so hard to move on I put away his bowls toys but I still can hear him mewing feel like he is around me.  When he was up for adoption my hubby was overseas on a holiday so we had to wait 24 days till he came so he could drive us there to get him. I call every week to make sure he is there and even prayed if he is meant to be ours let him still be there. I don't whether me picking him was the wrong choice or giving him was the wrong choice. My hubby says if I am so sad we will get him back and he too feels we overreacted should given it time and we both miss him and cry together. Then there is Missy who seems happy I am torn in between all I wanted is both of them to be happy and for us 4 to be family.

Has anyone been in a situ like this? I don't know what to do should I let him go? It is so hard will I ever move away from the guilt  or will I be miserable for the rest of my life? Any advice appreciated

 

 

Avatar for tiggs_mom
Community Leader
Registered: 07-02-1999

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Certainly you gave it a good period of time. I only get really frustrated with returns when they bring back the animal after 24 hours and state it isn't working out. sigh.....

If you are certain you want to try again, make sure you are in it for the long haul this time. Taking him back and forth just creates more confusion for Ricky.

And keep in mind that Missy was there first - she has to be the priority.

I will say this - having high ground may help. Two of my younger ones occasionally get into it. I have one cat tree that is about 5 feet tall (and wish I could afford another one). Having space where one can feel safe from the other makes a HUGE difference. There are also sprays (feliway and the like) that will help.

Petfinder has some great articles on introductions as well. If Ricky is just playing, setting up some serious structured play may help burn off his energy so he won't chase Missy around thinking of her as a really great cat toy. And you may need to keep them separate when no one is home for a period of time until you are SURE you can trust them.

Only you can know if bringing Ricky back into the house is the best idea for you and Missy.

Please keep us posted.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 03-24-2000

That's too bad that Ricky didn't work out for you.  You certainly gave it a good try.  I can't blame Missy for not being happy.  It sounds like Ricky took over Missy's life.  She was the first one and shouldn't have to give up her napping spots, litter box, food, water and toys to a new cat.  Ricky wants to be the dominate one and I don't think Missy likes it a bit and tries to defend her things.   It's not fair to Missy for Rickie to have her live in fear of him.   Some cats just don't get along with each other for some reason or another.

You could try Ricky again, but I would use an introduction, like one Jeanne posted for you from Petfinder.  Sometimes it can take months to get cats introduced to each other.  You could keep him in the laundry room as you first did and let him out only when you are home and can supervise them when they are together.  If there is going to be trouble, put Rickie back into the laundry and try again.

Here's a good introduction method.  It's a lot of work, but well worth it and hopefully it will work.

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/how-to-introduce-a-second-cat/

Good luck and let is know what you decide.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Hi thanks heaps for your thoughts. Things changed drastically over t last 24hrs. I called t shelter in the morning they said he has undergo an assessment in t afternoon and to call in the evening. When I called they said due to medical reasons he can't be rehomed so will have to be euathanised and I can reclaim if I want to. I said I will can't let him die he doesn't deserve that.
The shelter wants me to register him with the council before we come to get him so they know I'm certain of Ricky. We both want him to be ours and discussed how we will make it work. Everyone thinks missy is v spoiled we fuss over her a lot. It's not like she can't stand Ricky she plays paw game and let's them greet each other by kissing. We will keep Ricky in a bedroom and let him out when missy goes to sleep in our bedroom. Like you said will take it slow. I will work with missy to overcome her fear which she has from a bad experience. We are both determined to make this work. Will keep you posted.
Avatar for tiggs_mom
Community Leader
Registered: 07-02-1999
Wow - that is a huge change. Can you tell us what medical reason popped up? Sometimes medical issues can cause cats to act out and that may be why Ricky was acting the way he was. I would get some vet help and then slowly start the reintroduction. What does register with the council mean (I am curious)?

I am glad you are willing to give this boy another chance and sounds like save his life. Please keep us posted and we will help any way we can.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005

Hi there.

This sounds like a very tough situation.  I wonder what the medical reason is that they can't rehome him, but it sure did make your decision whether or not to take him back easier.  I think when you bring him home you should do a very very slow reintroduction.  It's hard to be patient w/those (I never have been, but luckily all of mine have worked out.)  I'd recommend even after the very very slow introduction, you should not leave them alone together.  Whenever you leave the house keep them in separate rooms.  I know a family who does that w/their two cats who they've had for years & simply cannot get along.  Generally cats aren't that sad about being locked away in a room when their people aren't home.  As long as they have a nice place to sleep, of course.  

I completely understand being a bit over protective over your first cat.  I've had my little Mia since she was 8 weeks old (she's seven now), & when we brought a new puppy home last spring she was pretty upset.  That in turn made me very upset.  Luckily, we put a little kitty door in the basement door, so she has the entire basement to be awawy from the dog.  It's been four months now, & things are slowly but surely getting better between the two of them.  The puppy isn't mean at all, she's just a little big & excitable for my mellow, pampered princess cat.  

Obviously, a cat door wouldn't work for you since they're both cats.  The suggestion of high places is good though.  Especially if they each have their own high up space where there's only room for one cat.

Hope this helps, & keep us posted!

 

Community Leader
Registered: 03-24-2000

Gosh that's quite a change.  What was the medical reason the the shelter was going to put him down for?  I hope it's nothing that will effect Missy. That may explain his behavioral issues.

Bless your heart for taking Ricky back and giving him a home.  Please keep us posted on how he is doing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005

Hi everyone,

 

We got Ricky yesterday I was afraid he would hate me when I let him out in his room he came out of his carrier and rubbed on me and we both on the floor he was near me rubbing and purring. We could see he was happy to be home and he was looking at the door mewing wanting to go out. We let him he went straight to the food bowls and isn't after Missy like he used to for now. He purrs a lot lately and he is always following me checks on me. Missy kisses him and then when he least expects him slaps him, so I gently tell her not to without punishing. She is not hiding or running away from Ricky, she never did it was they both need time to get used to each other and we need to be very patient.

 

RSPCA didn't specifically say why they can't rehome although I tried to ask in so many ways, they were like 'we can't rehome him with an existing medical condition'. The I asked is it curable and the customer service person said I am no vet you have to show to a vet. I think they just don't want waste time and money as they have heaps of cats coming in. Before I adopted him he was in the shelter for 24 days and compared to the other cats he wasn't attention seeking he was in corner didn't mew or anything so they would have thought he will have a slim chance. Each time I speak to RSPCA they tell me new stuff like he was trained to use a human toilet (seriously why are people so mean?, this explains why he looks in to toilet bowl and when he uses the litter tray he poops on the edge sitting on the tray in an awkward position), when we took him the animal carer said he lived with another cat, he was raised as a kitten and the reason for surrendering him was coos the owner didn't have time. Then when I called one day when it was one of those days they were fighting like crazy the lady said his record say he wasn't a good fit with the family which wasn't what I was told the day I got him. Then when I surrendered I was told he is trained to use human toilets and the former owners go him from a rescue where all cats stay together instead of been in different pens.

His rash as got worse has spread cos they didn't have basket around his neck so he can't scratch and his prednisolone and rash cream hasn't been given. We took him to the vet 3 times first it was an insect bite then checked for ringworm's, bacteria and third he is currently on a flea trial and in 3weeks his flea trail is over and if it is still there Ricky will have to go on a food trial. I asked whether RSPCA can contact former owners to ask what they fed him, whether he had skin probs they said they are not allowed to.If I knew all this I would have tried harder and it is easy to tell the difference Missy is very affectionate cos she was raised as a kitten and Ricky had a rough life so he is insecure neeed lots of assurance.  Now I make sure if I cuddle one the other gets one too. Missy sleeps with us at night that's the only thing we don't let Ricky do so Missy doesn't feel she is been replaced. Ricky doesn't like to curl up next to you, Missy goes inside quilt or curls up next to one of us to keep herself warm! When we go out  and at night Ricky used to be locked in a spare bed room he is happy even goes sits on the bed some nights getting ready to sleep without me having to put him in. If I am in the garden I used to let them be together but won't take the risk will watch them every sec if they are together.

I used to steam beef mince grate carrot or sweet potato and give both. we don't Ricky meat only fish and chicken from yesterday we decided to give him steamed fish or chicken without giving canned wet food to see whether it makes the rash better. Will let you know what vet says next when we see him!! What do you  feed your cats?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005

Hi,

He is on a trial I wrote all about in reply to last post...  Just wanted to explain registering with council..

We went to the shelter yesterday had to shoe proof he is registered with the local council under my name. In Victoria, Australia if you have a pet they need to be registered with your local council and if you don't if the council comes to check they can fine you around 200$. This is to enforce responsible pet ownership and incase if your pet wanders off it's easy to track them with their details available to local authorities. The have to be desexed and microchipped which reduces a 100$ odd fee to 33$ per year. Our council does not allow cats to roan they have to be within your property and if they go to neighbours or become a niusance you can get an infrigement notice and be fined. This is done to protect the wildlife native birds in the area as well.  There are few people who let their cats go roaming but I don't know whether the council has issued fines to owners. From council to council laws are different my friends who live 20kms away let there cats out.

Avatar for tiggs_mom
Community Leader
Registered: 07-02-1999

Thanks for the info on registering - sounds like licensing dogs here in the US - though it isn't required for cats.

It certainly sounds like you are getting the run around from the RSPCA....I can't believe they wouldn't tell you about any medical condition he might have. I hate to say it, but you may be right that they were just looking for an excuse to not have to deal with it.

It certainly sounds like the reintroduction is going ok. I wouldn't actually stop Missy if she wants to whap Ricky to keep him in line....she sounds like she wants to be the dominate cat and he needs to learn his place. I like the idea of giving her the bedroom at night as her own place.

Please keep us posted.....and I am glad he is safe with you.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 03-24-2000
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 10:07am

That's wonderful that you got Ricky back home.  Cats don't hold grudges, so I'm sure he was just glad to get back home with you.

The RSPCA sure sounds like they are giving you the run around.  I think you are right that they just didn't want to have to deal with Ricky as they have so many cats and were just going to put him to sleep. 

It's hard to say what could be going on with Ricky's rash.  If you are using flea drops to treat fleas, they have to bit the cat in order to die so that may be a problem.  I am having the same trouble with one of my dogs.  It doesn't seem that any of the safe flea treatments repel fleas at least very well.  He could have a food allergy or it could be just something in the air.

That's good that you have Missy sleeping in your room with you and are being careful not to let them out together unsupervised.

If you are giving your cats just homemade food be sure you add some taurine to it as it's an important amino acid they need.  Get a good quality of cat food, with the meat as the first ingredient and not any corn, grains or rice.  They are out there, just kind of hard to find.

I know it will work out for you, Missy and Ricky.  Please keep us posted on how it's going.

 

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