Help!!! Cat choice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help!!! Cat choice?
7
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:08am

Ugh, I'm facing the worst dilemma -- is it best to find one of my babies another home? I had posted on the "Think Like a Cat" board a while back about the problems I was having with my two neutered male cats, Max and Wiley. (BTW, what happened to that board?) Max is my old-timer, about 11, and I've had him for about 8 years now. Wiley is almost 3 and I adopted him about 1 1/2 years ago. I had a long rocky road with him -- he'd been abused, had abandonment issues big-time and was really pretty vicious (both fear-based and anger-based) towards me and Max. Gradually, Wiley has gotten better, especially with me (and turns out he's great with the 2 yr old next door too).

Problem: he still seems to go after Max a lot, particularly if I'm busy doing something else and can't intervene. Max tries to stick to me like glue (for protection) a lot of the time or just hangs out on the bed. He stalks him a LOT and nothing like hearing Max crying for help. There are times when it seems okay, they are on the bed together sleeping (different ends), etc. but those seem more the exception than the rule.

Now I'm probably moving in with my BF, who has a dog (who likes to chase cats -- already saw how to work on that intro). For the introduction time, I would have to keep Wiley and Max in the same room, which given Wiley's territorial and dominant behavior, I tend to think would not go so well for Max. I've toyed off and on with the idea of finding Wiley a new home since I got him, but initially decided he might be put down for being vicious and that I'd keep him until that resolved itself, which, for the most part, it has. My catsitter has also commented that Wiley seems better but still doesn't seem to get along with Max that well.

There are a couple of people who have expressed interest in Wiley upon hearing of my dilemma. Allow me also to throw in that the sister and brother of BF (soon to be fiance) are highly allergic to cats. (BF doesn't mind the cats and is happy to have both -- says sibs can take allergy meds and stay in a hotel.)

I just feel like such a horrible cat mom for even considering getting rid of one of my babies, especially as he's so sensitive and has such abandonment issues. I also know both will go through some grieving over the other's departure. But I'm worried about what will happen to Max if I don't, with the moves that are anticipated and the introduction of a dog. What do I do?

Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2000
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:49am

Wow, you really do have a dilemma on your hands. First off, the TLAC board is gone. It was closed officially yesterday as Pam has two young children and just really needed to have more time to devote to her family. Frankly, I don't see how she managed it all for as long as she did and we will all miss her.

You sound like a very loving cat Mom and one who has attempted to give this every opportunity to work out. I'm assuming that since you were on the TLAC board that you've been through an introduction period with the cats and kept Wiley initially in a sanctuary room although if that's the case and they still don't get along I'm not sure. Do you lock him up when you leave the house? You say he picks on and stalks Max when you're busy so I certainly wouldn't leave them alone together.

You don't say so I'm going to assume that both of these cats are neutered, correct? I'm sure they must be or you would have been talking about one or both of them spraying as well. Frankly, I'm surprised with this much tension in the household that neutered or not someone isn't spraying.

Personally, if I were in your position I wouldn't want my baby Max(the 11 year old who was your first) to have to spend his golden years when he should feel safe and protected being stalked and terrorized by another cat. If you have other opportunities to find Wiley a good home I would do so. Especially, now that your moving into a house with a dog. That would be a large adjustment for a single cat or two cats that got along, leave alone two that don't. From what you describe I certainly wouldn't put these two cats alone together in one room or you may very well be seeking veterinary care for Max if you do. Max should be able to have his own sanctuary room when you move, one wher he feels safe and secure and can take as much time as he needs to adjust to his new home and other occupants.

Sometimes two cats get along well and other times they don't. It all depends on the two personalities and it sounds like these two really aren't a good mix. Unfortunately when we add another cat to the mix we have made the choice and not our cats, so you always have to attempt to blend two personalities that will work together. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.

And then there are some cats who are just better off being alone. I had a female cat, Cali who was that way. There was NO way I would ever have brought another cat into my house as she simply HATED cats. She loved my dog though! It sounds to me like Wiley would be better off in a home where he could be the only cat and receive a lot of undivided attention to get over his issues.

As far as cat allergies go, I have them and I live with two cats. Allergy meds and allergy shots are amazing things and go along way to helping me to live comfortably with my boys.

Good luck in your decision.

Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 7:08am

*WELCOME* to Cats Kerryesque.

Cat =^..^=
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:22am
I AGREE THAT WILEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE HIS LIFE IN FEAR.

LOVE IS SHOWN BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:40am

I tend to agree with everyone else.

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Avatar for cl_lcni
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 11:25am

Hi Kerry.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 12:19pm

Thanks so much for all the advice. It's good to know that what I'm doing seems to be the right thing. As for meds, tried that -- he was on clomipramine, but it wasn't that effective. In my desperation to find something to make a difference, I took him to a holistic vet as well and, believe it or not, the most effective thing for him are these tiny herbal pills called Harmony by Futureplex (or something like that) that I drop in his water. He is a vast deal calmer with those. Those will definitely go with him and I think will help to ease his transition to a new house. Plus I will still be in the area to help out. Once we make our final move at the end of the year to another city, we'd probably have room to take him in if things weren't working out.

Right now the BF has found 3 different people he knows who are interested and I have found 2 others (unknown to me). We'll see how my rigorous screening process goes. I'll keep you posted!!

Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:32pm
If you had to part with him I would be very very sure it was a good safe home!


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