I can't take my cats with me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
I can't take my cats with me...
43
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:56pm
I'm planning on moving to CT in December, and last night I asked my bf (who I'll be living with) how he felt about having them around. He said he didn't want to live with cats. I'd only have 2, but he's against it. He doesn't hate cats, he just doesn't want to live with them. But I love my babies, and I don't want them to think I've abandoned them. I can't leave em with my mom cause she's tired of em, my dad and stepmom already have 3 dogs, my older sister hates cats (and pretty much any kind of animal), our closet friend already has 2 cats (one is a sibling of my youngest cat), and I do -not- want to give them to the animal shelter. And I don't want to give them to just anybody. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 8:19pm
Hi Stormdancer,

Has your boyfriend visited your home and met your cats? If it's odor and cat fur he objects to and not cats themselves, maybe you can suggest he at least try living with them and you will be extra fastidious about cleaning. Cats do not smell, and that is a fact; it has nothing to do with having cats and not noticing the smell. What does smell is the litter box, which not everyone keeps as clean as they might. Wastes should be scooped at least twice daily, and thrown away, not allowed to linger in the litter pan. Litter should be changed at least once a week and the litter pan scrubbed. Are you very careful about litter pan cleanliness?

Cats do shed, but I know of allergic people who would never give up their cats. What they do is vacuum frequently. Daesue who posts frequently on Think Like a Cat board, had a cat for years she was allergic to and vacuumed daily with a good quality vacuum equiped with a HEPA filter. She vacuumed furniture too. So that's another question for you: how much do you vacuum at home? Do you have carpets? What is your boyfriend's place like: how large and does it have carpets or wooden floors? Is he a very neat person who cleans alot?

I think you might try discussing how you could prevent odor and cat fur from being a concern and if you could take care of that would he consider trying to live with your cats? Let us know how it works out.

Cynthia

Avatar for rhawk4
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2001
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 10:42pm

I wanted to say that I was not meaning to imply that your boyfriend is a control freak, or someone to hate. I am just saying that 41+ years of experience has shown me that if two people do not have common likes (at least in things of the heart… aka it does not bother me my girlfriend does not like spiderman or that she is a vegetarian and I am not. I do not force her to see movies I like and I eat vegetarian meals 95% of the time for her) then the relationship starts on shaky ground, and it will not get easier. I guess it can, but most of the time no. What if you want children and he does not, would you still move in with him? If he wanted a pet elephant? Can you imagine your life cat and dog free (yes dog, if he accepts a dog and not a cat.. both CAN smell and shed)?


As for the smell, if you use a good litter and clean the box each week and scoop it 2+ times a day you smell little to nothing. Most people never knew I had cats unless I told them. As for shedding, I groom my cats daily. 2 of our cats are big shedders so it helps a lot. And you know what? I am horribly allergic to cats too! You develop a tolerance to the ones you live with over time. Well, I can still get a bad attack if one of the cats decides to rub on my face to 10 minutes, and that happens form time to time. But you know what? I would not trade my cats and allergies for all the money in the world. My girlfriend (we have lived together for 3 years now) loves cats as much as I and I could never imagine me being with someone who does not. Just weigh your decision carefully. Know that leaving home and uprooting to another state and giving up your cats will not be easy and you may resent it for a long time. Especially if he does not turn out to be the one. Especially if/when you find out one or both died of old age, illness or loneliness.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 11:47pm
K is not a control freak, and he's never made me do anything I didn't want to do. I love him dearly, and I wouldn't just give him up because he didn't want to live with my cats. cyngb has a good idea, in that I could ask him to just try it out for a while. If he still doesn't like them, I'd find a good home for them, and I've already posted on the adoption board about my kitties. He's already met them, and he likes them just fine, but as he said, he just doesn't like the smell or fur. I don't know what I can do about excess fur, but it is the litter pan that causes the smell. I'll try to convince him of that, and I'll promise to clean the box every time I'm in the bathroom (unles there's nothing in there ;). I'm going to try to talk to him again though.

This is the only thing we've disagreed about so far (exept for his being a bit insecure about how I really feel about him, but we're working through that and it's not as big a problem anymore). We're really good together, he's my best friend.

I'm just going to ask him for a trial run and see how that works out. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Avatar for cl_lcni
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 12:07pm

I hope your bf will agree to a trial run with the cats.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 2:12pm
That will be to bad if you have to let them go,I would never give up my animals any more than I would my children!I think animal lovers are the best people in the world!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 10:59am
If your boyfriend says he likes cats, but can't handle the smell or the fur, then he doesn't like cats. He is making you give up on something you love because of some trivial, NATURAL and BIOLOGICAL reasons. He can't handle fur all over the place? Well I'm a woman with long hair...my "fur" gets all over the place. He can't handle the smell? What about the smell after he gets done using the toilet?

And if he can't handle these things out of CATS, then what's going to happen in you want to have children one day? Is this a man who you think is going to be able to handle the smelly diapers, the crying...all of that.

SMELLS, HAIR...these are part of reality. These are the things we put up with because we love someone or an animal.

You say you love this guy, but how can you love someone that would make you chose between him and your babies? If he truly loved you and wanted the best for you, he would welcome your kitties and love them as much as you do.

You should listen to all the advice that was given to you by these posters. Only someone who severely lacks self esteem would allow themselves to be pushed around like this by someone who claims to love them. My mother raised me to be a strong, compassionate, loving being. And it kills me to see women pushed around by men who claim to love them just because those women lack the inner strength to find the guy who she DESERVES. This guy sounds like a creep. And making you give up your cats is just the beginning. There will be more to come. Trust in that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 7:02pm
I've been thinking about it, and I've come to realize that with the lifestyle we plan to have, it would be best not to have cats. We plan to be moving around a lot, and I'm sure the cats wouldn't be very happy in the long run. And K is not some weirdo, or a creep, or any of those other things ya'll have said about him. You all don't know him like I do, and there are some people in this world who just can't tolerate living in close proximity to animals. That doesn't make them bad people. I love my man, and I'm making sure that my cats get placed into loving homes where they will be cared for better than if they were on the road with us. I'm not upset about it anymore, I just wouldn't be able to care for them the way they need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 8:08pm
Everyone who post here feels very strongly on this issue, everyone wants to make sure you are in a good relationship. You are right, every person doesn't want to be around animals. You have decided whats best for you and you are doing right by finding the cats a safe, secure perman. home. Good luck. donna
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 7:56am
I sure hope you really do follow through and find a GOOD home,I think you are making a big mistake,I could NEVER give away my pets!Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 8:42am
YOU SAID THAT HE IS UNSURE OF HOW MUCH YOU CARE FOR HIM. IF HE IS THEN TAKEING AWAY YOUR CATS TO GET ALL OF YOUR ATTENION. I THINK HE IS JELAIOUS OF ANYONE OR ANY THING YOU MIGHT PAY ATTENION TO. HOW IS HE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. JUST THINK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IF THIS DOSE NOT WORK OUT WITH HIM YOU LOST YOUR BEST FRIENDS. GOOD LUCK IN WHAT YOU DECIDE. I WOULD NEVER GIVE MY CAT OR DOGS OR HORSES FOR ANYONE. JOANN