I can't take my cats with me...
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I can't take my cats with me...
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:56pm |
I'm planning on moving to CT in December, and last night I asked my bf (who I'll be living with) how he felt about having them around. He said he didn't want to live with cats. I'd only have 2, but he's against it. He doesn't hate cats, he just doesn't want to live with them. But I love my babies, and I don't want them to think I've abandoned them. I can't leave em with my mom cause she's tired of em, my dad and stepmom already have 3 dogs, my older sister hates cats (and pretty much any kind of animal), our closet friend already has 2 cats (one is a sibling of my youngest cat), and I do -not- want to give them to the animal shelter. And I don't want to give them to just anybody. What should I do?

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Has your boyfriend visited your home and met your cats? If it's odor and cat fur he objects to and not cats themselves, maybe you can suggest he at least try living with them and you will be extra fastidious about cleaning. Cats do not smell, and that is a fact; it has nothing to do with having cats and not noticing the smell. What does smell is the litter box, which not everyone keeps as clean as they might. Wastes should be scooped at least twice daily, and thrown away, not allowed to linger in the litter pan. Litter should be changed at least once a week and the litter pan scrubbed. Are you very careful about litter pan cleanliness?
Cats do shed, but I know of allergic people who would never give up their cats. What they do is vacuum frequently. Daesue who posts frequently on Think Like a Cat board, had a cat for years she was allergic to and vacuumed daily with a good quality vacuum equiped with a HEPA filter. She vacuumed furniture too. So that's another question for you: how much do you vacuum at home? Do you have carpets? What is your boyfriend's place like: how large and does it have carpets or wooden floors? Is he a very neat person who cleans alot?
I think you might try discussing how you could prevent odor and cat fur from being a concern and if you could take care of that would he consider trying to live with your cats? Let us know how it works out.
Cynthia
I wanted to say that I was not meaning to imply that your boyfriend is a control freak, or someone to hate. I am just saying that 41+ years of experience has shown me that if two people do not have common likes (at least in things of the heart… aka it does not bother me my girlfriend does not like spiderman or that she is a vegetarian and I am not. I do not force her to see movies I like and I eat vegetarian meals 95% of the time for her) then the relationship starts on shaky ground, and it will not get easier. I guess it can, but most of the time no. What if you want children and he does not, would you still move in with him? If he wanted a pet elephant? Can you imagine your life cat and dog free (yes dog, if he accepts a dog and not a cat.. both CAN smell and shed)?
As for the smell, if you use a good litter and clean the box each week and scoop it 2+ times a day you smell little to nothing. Most people never knew I had cats unless I told them. As for shedding, I groom my cats daily. 2 of our cats are big shedders so it helps a lot. And you know what? I am horribly allergic to cats too! You develop a tolerance to the ones you live with over time. Well, I can still get a bad attack if one of the cats decides to rub on my face to 10 minutes, and that happens form time to time. But you know what? I would not trade my cats and allergies for all the money in the world. My girlfriend (we have lived together for 3 years now) loves cats as much as I and I could never imagine me being with someone who does not. Just weigh your decision carefully. Know that leaving home and uprooting to another state and giving up your cats will not be easy and you may resent it for a long time. Especially if he does not turn out to be the one. Especially if/when you find out one or both died of old age, illness or loneliness.
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David and the CoolCyberCats
Forever in my heart
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Cats nap, only humans put them to sleep: Sterilize, don't euthanize.
This is the only thing we've disagreed about so far (exept for his being a bit insecure about how I really feel about him, but we're working through that and it's not as big a problem anymore). We're really good together, he's my best friend.
I'm just going to ask him for a trial run and see how that works out. I'll keep ya'll updated.
I hope your bf will agree to a trial run with the cats.
And if he can't handle these things out of CATS, then what's going to happen in you want to have children one day? Is this a man who you think is going to be able to handle the smelly diapers, the crying...all of that.
SMELLS, HAIR...these are part of reality. These are the things we put up with because we love someone or an animal.
You say you love this guy, but how can you love someone that would make you chose between him and your babies? If he truly loved you and wanted the best for you, he would welcome your kitties and love them as much as you do.
You should listen to all the advice that was given to you by these posters. Only someone who severely lacks self esteem would allow themselves to be pushed around like this by someone who claims to love them. My mother raised me to be a strong, compassionate, loving being. And it kills me to see women pushed around by men who claim to love them just because those women lack the inner strength to find the guy who she DESERVES. This guy sounds like a creep. And making you give up your cats is just the beginning. There will be more to come. Trust in that.
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