Bicky's Second Year Anniversary

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2011
Bicky's Second Year Anniversary
5
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 9:44pm

It has been two years now since the passing of my dear Bicky. It's amazing how fast time passes . When I lost him, I couldn't imagine being able to get through a single day without him by my side...but here I am.

Actually, I find myself in the same place I did a year ago (on his 1st year anniversary) ..managing through life, but still grieving. Most of my friends and family members show little understanding as I navigate this grief process for "just a dog". It is therefore not an understatement to say that this board has been a Godsend. I really don't know how I would have been able to get through all this without the love and support of the. people on this board. Thank you so much. 
Below is a piece I wrote in honor of Bicky's first year anniversary. I thought it fitting to repost it in honor of Bicky's second anniversary. Again, thank you all for your support.
January 2nd , 2012 will mark the 2nd year anniversary my beautiful baby boy (my pet dog, Bicky) made his way to the Rainbow Bridge. As some of you know, my girlfriend (Naoko) and I found Bicky as a stray on the streets of Tokyo in 2002, and we were blessed with nine wonderful years with him.
One year on, I am still mourning his loss greatly. Especially around the holidays, I feel the emptiness and the sense of loss is amplified.
I have some weeks that are better than others, but I’ve found that the waves of grief can sneak up and overwhelm me. I am guessing that this pain and sorrow will never completely dissipate with time, and the quiet grief and loneliness I experience at times is just the new normal for me. His death has made me a better person though, helping me understand the value of friendship, love, and how precious (and fleeting) life can indeed be. 
I keep his urn in a prominent place in my house, along with a digital photo frame with over 500 rotating pictures of him. This has brought Naoko and I much needed comfort. 
For those interested, Bicky died beautifully. 
Leading up to his passing, he had been quite ill for 4 or 5 months. The veterinarian determined that he had Cushing’s disease, but was somewhat optimistic that some new (revolutionary) medicine could help his condition. 
Bicky slowly deteriorated though. I was in complete denial and convinced myself that he would miraculously rebound and put it all behind us. But it was not to be.
Bicky’s last Christmas was tranquil and joyful. We spent it up in the mountains (at Naoko’s parents’ house) in Northern Japan. Although he had trouble walking, we made a beautiful bed for him right beside the Christmas tree. He was surrounded by everybody he loved and he was even able to eat a little turkey and enjoy the Christmas ambience. He seemed so happy and content.
His condition took a turn for the worst though on New Years’ day, so Naoko and I decided to drive Bicky to a veterinarian hospital in Tokyo. The doctor was a bit taken aback by Bicky’s deteriorating condition. He hydrated him with an IV, and instructed us to bring him back the next day. That night we lay Bicky down in his bed, located in the same living room we spent so many wonderful times together. For the previous 4 months, I had slept on the living room sofa, so I could be with Bicky during the evening in case he needed me. His bed was right beside mine. Bicky looked much better. I remember I crawled up beside him, and whispered, “We have a big day tomorrow Mr. Handsome; we have to wake up at 8am to go to the vet’s”. Bicky licked my nose and then rested his head on his (favorite) soft green pillow. I put a light blanket on him, kissed him one more time, and turned off the light. 
I kept a flashlight beside me, so I could sometimes see how he was doing during the evening. I turned the flashlight on once as if to say “hello”, and Bicky wagged his tail as if to say “I’m o.k. Now try to get some sleep Mark”. I did just that.   
I slept like a rock that night, and the sun was already up by the time I awoke. I turned over to say “good morning” to my Bicky…but as soon as I laid my eyes on him, I realized that he chose that night to let go.
Thank you again everybody for your (continued) support.
And thank you Bicky for being my best friend (ever).
                                                     Mark  
 
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Community Leader
Registered: 04-19-2008
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 1:02pm

Mark!!  {{{^Bicky's^ Dad}}} Mark!!!  :)  :)  :)

Does this mean The Bickster has been sending you (what I like to call) "heart tickles"???  (thoughts of loving again)  WhooooooHooooooo!   And yes, I know ^Bicky^ would surely approve, after all ... it's your angel hinting that he wants you and Naoko to love again!   ^Bicky^ knows that when you open your heart to another, his love stays even stronger.

Please let us know what happens.  Please!

Hmmmm..... thank you so much for your kind words, but I don't think the iVillage likes me any more.  ;)  This is the first day "it" would let me stay logged in, and post.  Ack! 

With big happy heart hugs,
Lin, Whisper's Mom
www.whisperintheheart.com

 

With my heart,
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2011
Sat, 02-02-2013 - 10:45am

CMEVelyne     So sorry I made you cry! But I am thankful that I made a connection with you. Thank you very much for your post.

Lisa     How are you doing? I often think of you and your Chewie…I hope you are continuing to heal. And yes, there are some sad people who disregard a pet as “just a cat or dog”, but we know very well the gift of love these loving beings can give and how they can enrich our lives. Thank you for your continued loving support Lisa

And Whisper’s Mom (Lin)     Thank you as always. Your dedication to this board and your loyalty to “Whibs” memory is so inspiring; thank you for your continued support. You have been a great friend through this (continued) grieving process of mine. Mark (and Bicky) By the way, I have started getting more involved in the continued rescue effort of abandoned pets from that horrible earthquake and Tsunami we experienced here in Japan almost two years ago. 2013 may be the year my Bicky gets a brother or sister! There are so many abandoned dogs and cats in need of homes. We can no longer, in good conscience, delay helping one of these fur babies and making them a member of our small family. I think Bicky would approve!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2012
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 2:31pm

Dear Mark,

I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you and Bicky.  Thank you for sharing your story on this board. Even when I'm not on this site I am comforted by the support you've given me since saying good bye to my Chewie. Your words have given me strength especially on those days when the grief is just so painful. Just knowing someone is out there that understands this painful loss and not think that since Chewie was a dog the loss isn't really that bad. Thank you again for your beautiful stories and uplifting words. You said that you were blessed to have Bicky for 9 wonderful years and I just wanted to say that Bicky was blessed to have found such a loving, compassionate, and caring person to spend his 9 years with.

Sincerely,

Lisa

Community Leader
Registered: 04-19-2008
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 3:47pm

{{{Mark and ^The Bixter^}}}  As always, what a lovely tribute to your very special handsome ^boy^.  Even though we've never met, you, Naoka, and ^Bicky^ have become a part of my heart.

Like you ..... by my ^Whisp's^ 2nd WingDay, I was still grieving.  And it's sad to say, almost worse than his 1st.  :(  I don't know.... I guess I assumed / hoped I'd be better by then.  But no, my heart was still clinging on to my beautiful ^boy^.  {{{hugs}}} 

Oh Mark, I honestly can't tell you when it will get better .... but it will, I promise.  Your beloved ^Bicky^ will make sure of it.  If it helps, tonight, when I talk with my ^Whib's^ (which I always do) I'll be sure to have him nudge your precious ^Bicky^, so he'll send you a sweet and loving BridgeKiss. 

"Happy" 2nd WingDay ^Bicky^

With  my heart,
Lin, Whisper's Mom
www.whisperintheheart.com
www.facebook.com/WhisperInTheHeart

With my heart,
 
Avatar for CMEvelyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 6:14pm

That was so beautiful (I'm in tears). I'm very sorry for your loss.