Feeling like NOT wanting another dog

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Feeling like NOT wanting another dog
5
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 7:08pm

ok this is pretty odd for me. It's been 9 months and I don't know if I'm just so used to not having any pets at all or what now. My husband and I went to visit a dog at the dog's foster home. The dog was ok and all .. although I did not like that it snapped/growled at my husband That plus it was all over their furniture and was a bit too clingy for me.. jumped on me a lot. We are approved to adopt the dog and are to meet with the dog again soon. My problem now is I guess I do not ever want to go through losing another dog again ever. I am feeling better for the most part but now it is like I don't want that responsility again. The biggest is if the dog won't sleep at night. With the dog I had.. the last year was awful.. she would wake up every single night like clock work to be taken outside which I did of course. Anyhow, I just don't want to go back to that. Yes, it is a little lonely in the house but going to back to all of that again does not thrill me either. My husband is being once again pestering me like a child to get this dog so....  Anyway, just wondering if it is normal to feel like you don't want a dog again ??

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 10:29pm

I'm sorry about the loss of your dog. I think its normal to not feel ready to get another pet. I've had dogs in the past but these days I'm a cat person....but I think the feeling is the same regardless of the type of pet.

I was very attached to my daughter's cat (the one in my avatar) and when she moved and took him 3000 miles away I missed him a lot. Everybody told me to just get another cat but somehow that didn't feel right. Sort of disloyal but also I didn't know if I wanted to take on the effort/responsibility/expense/inconvenience, especially if I didn't feel the same way about another pet. I decided that I would know if or when it was the right time to get another cat, and just enjoyed friend's pets in the meantime.

Eventually a stray cat appeared on my back porch. Once I determined that she was not just "lost" and that I could keep her, I decided to open my heart to her. It was the right animal at the right time, I cannot explain it any better than that, but she is now a precious member of our family. There are plenty of inconveniences but because I love her I am willing to deal with all of it, like you with your old dog.

I think that when you are ready for another dog you will know and be open to the idea. The inconvenience etc will be worth the trade-off of the love and companionship. You will need to be careful in choosing your next dog, and take your time. This dog you met the other day doesn't sound like a good fit, if it exhibited some behaviors that you didn't like (and snapping at your husband isn't good). Since your husband is the one pushing for a dog the dog should really like him (also IMO he should promise to get up with the dog if necessary). I think that when you meet the right dog you will recognize it; not saying that there is only one right dog for you, but that there are wrong dogs for you that you should not adopt regardless of how needy they are. 

I hope that you can get your husband to be patient and understand that you need to wait until you are ready. Good luck!

Avatar for cupcakebabe
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2011
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 2:03pm

It sounds like this just may not be the dog for you and that's why you feel like you don't want another dog. But then, you may just not. They are a lot of work and the heartbreak is real when they pass. I'd really talk to your husband about it and let him know that you're not closed off to ever getting another dog again, but you just don't feel like this is the dog for you guys. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 5:19pm
Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. I appreciate it and am so grateful that there are people out there that really understand!!
Community Leader
Registered: 04-19-2008
Sun, 04-27-2014 - 1:23pm

Oh Bluepen23, my heart is breaking for you.  {{{gentle hugs}}}  To answer your lovely question .... YES, it's completely "normal" (for you right now) to not want another dog.  Apparently your dear hubby is ready, but it doesn't sound like you are.  We all grieve and heal in our own time, in our own way. 

I loved the advice Elc11 gave you.  Somehow, someway ..... a new furchild just happens to find US, and not the other way arround.  After my ^Wonder^ earned his ^wings^, I was certain I never wanted another dog.  But then, out of the blue, I receive an emergency call from a rescue, asking if I'd be a temporary 'foster mom' for a dog in desperate need.  The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew it was meant to be. 

Please give your dear heart some extra time.  Tell your hubby that you just aren't ready yet.  If it helps, one of the things I did after my ^Whisp^ crossed over, was to vist shelters.  (just to look)  When the day came that I didn't burst into tears, I knew my heart was starting to heal.  So it sounds like you are "healing" (whatever that is) but perhaps this dog just wasn't the one your precious furangel has in mind for you.

Please let us know what happens.

With my heart,
Lin, Whisper's Mom
www.whisperintheheart.com
www.facebook.com/WhisperInTheHeart

With my heart,
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Sun, 04-27-2014 - 4:33pm
Thank you too for understanding. We met with the dog again. She was fine but I don't like that she does not get along with other dogs. Just having the worry that she might bite at any time would not be good to always be worrying about that. Other than that she is nice... a bit slinky like/shy but warmed up .. still clingy/jumpy though and all over their furniture. Anyhow, I knew it was now or never seeing as this was our second chance the resuce group gave us with the dog. You are right... I might just need extra time. I felt the tears come on me again while we were there... just so sad still of my old dog. I have that same feeling of not wanting to take on this again especially since it still feels just like yesterday having gone through it. So who knows how long I'll feel this way. I wonder if I put some timeline on myself like let's say in another year if I still feel this way then just might as well get another dog seeing as I would like to have a dog but the thought of diving into all of that again after not having any worry over the past months.