have another pet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
have another pet?
3
Sat, 12-28-2013 - 2:04pm

I would like to know how it is that people can have another pet after the one they have has passed on. To me that is like intentionally setting yourself up for the same heartache that lasts for months and months. Not to mention the stress I felt at least the last year and watching my dog decline in health. Having a VERY unsportive husband-- told me two days after putting my dog to sleep to "move on". Even though I would like another dog I just can't imagine going through this again. I've had dogs during childhood but for some reason, my most recent dog that I had for 10 years and having had to put to sleep .. this is the most awful feeling I have ever felt... first dog "on my own". It is just the worst feeling I've ever felt and yes, I really like dogs but at the same time I don't think I want to go through all of that again plus the stress I feel when the dog is sick and all. Just wondering if you all have any tips or something on how to not think this way? I know part of life, can't have things both ways, etc. Thank you.

Edited:

I had to put my dog to sleep five months ago. This was the first Christmas without her. I still cry just about every day and think of her all of the time.

Community Leader
Registered: 04-19-2008
Thu, 01-02-2014 - 3:33pm

{{{Bluepen23}}}  How I understand what you're going through.  {{{gentle hugs}}}  After my ^Whisper^ earned his ^wings^ I was determined to never, ever love again.  Losing him about killed me, and I just couldn't put myself through that pain again.  :(   It took about a year and a half before I started getting (what I like to call) heart tickles.  (little thoughts of loving again)  At first, I though I'd need to have at least 6 dogs to equal the love I had for my ^Whisper^.  After about 2 years, it got down to 2 dogs.  But then, 'something' guided me to my ^Wonder^.  I just knew it was my ^Whisper^ insisting that I try to heal my shattered heart. 

Oh Bluepen, it's not easy.  (there's an understatement if I ever heard one)  But somehow, someway ..... when our hearts are ready, learning to love again is an honor to our ^furangels^.  The only thing they want (from the Bridge) is for us to learn how to love again. It takes time.... lots and lots of time.  :(  So please give your heart a break.  After only 5 months of losing your beloved, I'm sure you're still numb.  {{{hugs}}}  If and when the time is right, I have the feeling your beloved ^furchild^ just may start 'tickling' your heart. 

I'm so very sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive.  :(  There's truly not that many people who truly understand how important our ^beloveds^ are, and will always be.  I guess that's why we are here.  {{{heart hugs}}}  Please know that we'll always be here for you, just as all our ^furangels^ are with your ^pup^ (I wish I knew her name) on the Other Side.

With my heart,
Lin, Whisper's Mom
www.whisperintheheart.com
www.facebook.com/WhisperInTheHeart

With my heart,
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 3:06pm

Dear Bluepen23,

I used this account o reply in error. I will repost from my normal account.

Sincerely,

David (forever friend of ^Itchy^, ^Hamlet^, ^Electra^, ^Calliope^, ^Copycat^, Leo, Orion, Nova, Perseus, Apollo and Andromeda)

Avatar for rhawk4
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2001
Fri, 02-14-2014 - 3:06pm

Dear Bluepen23,

Hello. I read your post in December and had not replied and I am sorry for that. Trying to choose what to say is difficult for me and I hope you understand.

I am so very sorry for the loss of [unnamed dog]. Yes, it is very hard and it is something that you may never get fully over. Life does have a way of moving forward though and eventually the pain becomes less, though for me the sting has never quitter fully disappeared.

Let me give you a quick background on my losses so you know I am not just spouting thoughts and ideas. I had some pets as a child, though not a lot. I specifically remember a turtle I had in the mid 1960’s and 2 rabbits in the early 1970’s. I had some mice in the late 1970’s and then 2 parakeets. Then in 1992 I decided to share my single life with a pet and opted for a cat. Not because I like cats more or less than any other pet, but I worked, lived alone and felt it would not be fair to a dog to not be home a lot and able to take it for walks and such. I believed a cat would be more independent and that my work time would not interfere as much. My first cat’s name was Hamlet, and he became an extension of my life, my soul. Funny how that happens. I moved from the Chicago area to New Jersey to be near my mother when my father had to be put into a nursing home and there I discovered an outdoor feral young cat whom a neighbor set outside. She worked at a shelter and this cat was going to be put to death for being unadoptable as a feral cat. I would let Hamlet out on the porch with a leash on and one day this cat the neighbor named Itchy, come over to see Hamlet and they laid with each other. I hid when he was around and he came to the door a lot to watch Hamlet and one day I left the door opened and he ventured in a few feet and I was behind the curtain and closed the door fast. I had my 2nd cat, Itchy and it took many years to gain a sliver of trust with him, but it happened. He never quite trusted people, but he would allow me to pet him, sit with him and more. Eventually I moved in with Donna who had 2 cats of her own, after I took in a special needs abused cat with epilepsy. We live in Montana now by the way and shortly after moving here Itchy became ill and we found he had cancer. Almost $20,000 and 18 months later he was nearing the end. Over a year we had a feral cat come live on our deck and we named him Copycat because he looked a bit like one of Donna’s cats, Electra, who became ill with renal failure. Then came May 2004. Itchy was doing very poorly as was Electra and then Copycat began to seem sick, though we would never allow me near him. Raccoons began to take his food from his dish right in front of him while he laid in the headed bed on the deck. The night of May 11th Itchy lost the use of his back legs and it was time to let him go. May 12th was awful and it was hard. My sweet Itchy…. May 25th Copycat became so ill I was able to go out to him and pick him up and put him in a carrier and we brought him to the vet. He died on the 28th. On May 29th Electra had to be let go. I totally fell apart that day. (I made it this far in the story without tearing up, but it is now starting). I never believed anything could be as bad as that month (and I skipped the part about the state vet and CDC getting involved with Copycats death). Then in September 2005 Hamlet, my soul cat was ill and I had to rush him to the University in Washington, a 5 or 6 hour drive), where he died horribly the next day. I was devastated . My best friend left suddenly, and I had to gather the strength to place his body in my car and drive home. It was the worst day of my life. Since them we also lost Calliope as well.

Between the May 2004 losses and Hamlets we adopted some more friends. I did not believe it was possible to do that again, knowing full well the pained end of each would have to come. But I learned something that is amazing. There are no replacements, but there always room. Your heart is wonderful, it can break over and over and seem like there is nothing left, but still there is an infinite space for more. I have no idea how, but it is so. Our current cats are not a replacement in any respect, but they are each special and hold a unique place in my heart. Yes each will cause me suffering and pain in the end, but that is nothing compared to the love, fun, happiness and friendship I received over many many years. And I realized that there is only pain and sorrow because there is so much love and life that comes with them. If I had not loved them so, I could not grieve them so. And the grief wanes eventually and though it never fully leaves, it becomes translucent and you can see though it more often and see them as they were and feel their warmth and love again though the sadness.

I am sorry that your husband is not supportive and does not understand. I know some people do not bond as strongly to animals as others do. I do not believe this is wrong or not normal either. People and animals differ, that is it. Where I feel he is wrong is in not being more supportive. He does not need to understand ones pain to KNOW they have it. I also do not think there is anything you can do to change that. Some people just consider pets as property and when they break (die) move on. Some of us consider pets part of the family unit and build love and a bond and friendships and feel grief at their passing. I fit that one. And I have learned of the other type of people and no longer choose to seek support from them because I know they will not understand or approve of how I feel.

Give it a bit of time. Know your love and feelings of loss are valid and that the pain will recede as time flows on. Know that your heart has infinite space for others and when the time is right you will know it. Perhaps you will see a new animal friend looking at you through the bars of a shelter cage and you will lock eyes and know. Perhaps you will wake from a nights dream and know you are ready. But one day you will be. And though it all, never ever forget your past friends, who you are or why you love them so.

Sincerely,

David (forever friend of ^Itchy^, ^Hamlet^, ^Electra^, ^Calliope^, ^Copycat^, Leo, Orion, Nova, Perseus, Apollo and Andromeda)

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Forever in my heart


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