Just let my dear kitty go yesterday

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Just let my dear kitty go yesterday
15
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 12:14pm
Hello and thanks for reading, fellow animal lovers. I had a male cat, "Furry", going on 11 years old who'd endured a serious kidney infection last fall and never really bounced back. He'd begun having seizures at the time of that infection and his behavior changed dramatically - I was certain he'd suffered some kind of brain damage. He took to our basement after recovering from the kidney bout and never came up again, preferring to spend all his time parked comfortably on a blanket by the furnace, only getting up to eat/drink/eliminate. He had occasional "fits" where he'd tremble all over and drool or stare off into space, but they passed. A few days ago he began having whole-body spasms and lost total control of all his functions. When I tried to pick him up to move him he'd hiss angrily. The vet said I could either have a battery of tests run, with no guarantee that a cure (or even the actual problem) could be pinpointed, at considerable expense - or have the cat euthanized since obviously he was suffering and not improving. We are expecting our second child in less than a month and are on limited finances, so I knew I wouldn't be able to commit to intensive caregiving or high vet bills - but it was very hard on me to watch my "baby" in so much constant misery. I gave the OK for him to be euthanized right then and there, and after spending a few minutes alone with him to say goodbye, I stayed by his side, although they didn't let me hold him because they didn't want to run the risk of me getting scratched or bitten. He struggled when they put the band around his leg and let out a miserable cry when they gave the shot - it was so hard for me to endure and I still can't get it out of my head - but then he went almost instantly after that, and I took him home to be buried near some other family pets from past years. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but as you know, it's very hard still...it's only been 24 hours. I couldn't sleep last night and my 7-year-old was full of questions about "why couldn't the doctor cure him", etc. I did explain to him as honestly and simply as I could that when an animal is suffering and can't be cured, the right thing to do is put an end to the pain. He cried a bit over it but since he wasn't really close to that cat (we have 3 other cats), he doesn't feel the grief that I do - having adopted the cat at 3 weeks of age and grown to love him as my own "baby".

If anyone has any words of comfort and encouragement, I would truly love to read them; also if anyone can recommend anything I can read to help me through this, I would really appreciate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:35pm
(((^Furry^'s mom))) I am so, so sorry for your loss. What a heartwrenching thing to be with our beloved kitty's when they earn their wings...I held my ^Mr. Magoo^ when the vet gave him that final shot, but he had already had a catheter in his arm so the vet just did it there. There is comfort in knowing that we were there for them at that time, but there are memories too...I think I'm just getting to the point where I remember how he was and not only the time he earned his wings. I lost him last February 9th, a day that will be forever etched into my memory. Grieving over our beloved furangels is like a roller coaster ride ~ some days it's grief, other's it's guilt, and of course all of the "why's", "if only I's", etc.

As far as support, you've come to a wonderful place here...all of us here understand and are very supportive to one another. Alot of us have made memorial pages for our furangels. I also picked up a beautiful frame that I put ^Magoo^'s picture in, I also tucked some of his fur in there. I know some of the wonderful folks here have special candles, engraved pendants, all sorts of beautiful things. There are great links on the members pages, lovely poems and of course links to all of our memorial pages.

About a month after losing ^Magoo^ I went into the bookstore looking for pet loss support books, I found the ones at this particular store to focus more on the grieving process. So, taking the advice of someone on this board (I can't remember off hand who) I bought Chicken Soup for the Dog & Cat Lover's Soul. It was indeed helpful. I also picked up one called "Animal Blessings", it's basically prayers and poems celebrating pets.

We are all here for you ~ to share those precious memories, vent, grieve...consider us your shoulders to cry on. My deepest sympathies for your loss, I just know that ^Magoo^ was there at the Rainbow Bridge to greet your ^Furry^ and share with him the glories of endless, flower-filled fields with butterflies to chase. I'm sure that when they were done, they curled up together for a nap in the softest of clouds.

^Magoo^'s mom ~ Marge

MargeHorsesSiggy2010.jpg picture by Sky_horse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 3:50pm
Thank you so much for the consoling words and the book recommendations. I work at a library and am at work now, so I'm off to find the ones you mentioned, and something to share with my son - probably the Mr. Rogers book about losing a pet. I think the hardest part for me is the fact that Furry didn't exactly go quietly - he fought and protested and I couldn't do anything - and it fills me with guilt to think that he suffered in his last moments. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I think it was. But what helps is when I rethink it and realize that Furry was a survivor and a fighter all his life - always venturing out, sometimes for a few days at a time, and at times coming home with everything from little scrapes to a big gaping gash in his head which required a few stitches! And so it's very natural that his true spirit was thriving until the very end. Even though he didn't want to go gently, I know that it was better for him to die than to continue living a life of helplessness and pain, which was absolutely the opposite of his true nature.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:20pm
I'm so sorry about ^Furry^ I had my male cat ^Jake^ put to sleep a little over 4 months ago and he was my "baby" as well. I had him for 13 years and making the decision to put him to sleep was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever had to do. About 2 months before I had him put down, I had noticed his lower jaw was a little swollen. Thinking it was an abcess, I took him to the vet and it turned out to be cancer. The only thing they could have done for him was to remove part of his lower jaw and there was NO way I would have ever done that to him. I didn't have him put down then and there...he seemed pretty much his normal self. But the cancer really grew in a few months and he started "looking" like he wasn't feeling well and he was having a hard time eating because the cancer was starting to come up around his teeth making it hard to chew. So before he started to suffer, I took him in. I spent the last day showering him with attention and love. I wanted to have him euthanized at home because he absolutley HATED the vets, but my vet didn't like to do that in case something went wrong. So I brought him in and he was hissing and growling and when they gave him the shot, he screamed as well. I will never forget that for as long as I live and the guilt of his last monemts in life being somewhere he hated still bothers me. But I held him and petted him and told him how much I loved him until he was gone. The people here are wonderful and I know ^Jake^ died knowing how much I loved him. Releasing our pets from pain and misery is the last gift of love we give our "babies" You did the right thing as painful as it was and that selfless act shows just how much he was loved. All of us here know exactly how you feel

~~~~Hugs and sympathy, Lisa and ^Jake^
Avatar for cl_mosmomcarol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:35am
(((^Furry's^ Mom))) Please accept my sincere sympathy on the passing of your precious little kitty. The decision to help our beloved furkids earn their angel wings is perhaps the most difficult one we must ever make in our lifetime. But it is a decision that is based on our deep love for them....knowing that we would never let them suffer through unbearable pain that cannot be eased in any other way.....

^Furry^ would have endured any pain...suffered through anything, to keep your heart from breaking. He also knows you loved him too much to let him go through that....that you will bear the heartache of missing him rather than let him go through one more minute of the pain and discomfort that he was going through.

As you and your dear son grieve for this special soul who touched your hearts so deeply, know that I hold you both close in my heart and prayers. iVillage has some wonderful articles that may help you guide your son through this sad time:

http://www.ivillage.com/topics/pets/0,10707,167040,00.html

I hope you'll stay with us and let us know how you and your son are doing. Each of us here understands your heartache and the pain you are going through. As ^Furry^ watches over you and the rest of his family from Rainbow Bridge, this little angel knows that you will love him forever.....as he will forever love you......

'Mo's Mom Carol






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 7:20am
Dear Lisa and ^Jake^, thank you so much for your words of consolation and for sharing the details of your experience with me. It's only the second day of Furry being gone, and of course it's still very difficult, especially the anxiety, sorrow, and guilt I feel over the struggle and cry he gave upon receiving the shot. Thank you so much, Lisa, for sharing with me that your precious ^Jake^ also cried out - it makes me feel less alone in this pain - and your reassurance that ^Furry^, like ^Jake^, knows in his loving heart that his mama did her best to make sure he didn't suffer anymore. I hope that you are celebrating ^Jake^'s life and love in your memories of him just as I know I always will with my ^Furry^. Thank you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 7:36am
Dear Mo'sMomCarol, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind and soothing words. Coming to this board is the best thing I have done so far to help get through the grief, because as you said, everyone here truly understands this complicated pain. My son and I have worked through some of our sadness by telling stories about ^Furry^, making up little songs about him, and today we read the Mr. Rogers book called WHEN A PET DIES, which is so simple yet beautiful and reassuring. (I even used that opportunity to tell my son that Mr. Rogers himself passed away a few weeks ago, but that the things he can teach us will live on forever, just like our memories of ^Furry^.) We have three other cats and I think that helps both of us a lot with the healing process- focusing on them and giving them some extra special love and attention to calm our sadness. One of these cats is ^Furry^'s brother, Mookie, and since ^Furry^'s passing, I have gotten some bittersweet happiness from noticing how similar their faces are, their voices, etc. ..although certainly they very much had their own personalities and no cat could ever replace my precious ^Furry^ (or any of my others) in any way. My son and I believe in heaven, whatever that may truly be, for both people and animals, and talking about that has also helped us to feel better in the past couple of days. Again, thank you for your caring words and for that desperately-needed reassurance that helping ^Furry^ pass to the next life was the best thing for him.
Avatar for actingrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:43am
(((^Furry's^ mom))), what a brave thing you did. It's so hard to know when to say goodbye and to let go. The decision you made was such a difficult one, but your precious ^Furry^ was telling you it was time to go. ((((^Furry's^ mom)))) the pain is so unbearable right now for you, give yourself time to grieve, and know that there are such a loving group of women here to help you through it. I understand the deep connection you had with your ^Furry^ I just lost my furbaby ^Savannah-Booboo^ on January 29th, this year. It has been the hardest loss I've ever had to endure. I've never been so devistated. Although I know my ^Sav^ was out of pain and not suffering any longer when she went to the bridge, it was so hard on me not having her here physically. It is taking time, but I have smiled again. The grief, tears and pain are still there but are healing slowly.

Oh ((^Furry's^ mom)) I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, what a lucky kitty ^Furry^ is to have such a wonderful, caring mommy! Give yourself all the time you need to greive and know that someday, eventually through all of the tears will come happy memories of your precious furbaby ^Furry^!

((HUGS))

Shann

http://pages.ivillage.com/savannahboobooangelfurbaby

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 12:44pm
Dear Shann, thank you so much for your comforting words and for sharing your own painful story with me. I tried to link to your web page (shown below your message) but it didn't work - was hoping to see a pic of your precious baby ^Sav^ - Anyway, I am indeed taking all the time I need to work through the grief, letting myself cry as I need to, and honoring the memory of my sweet baby in small but meaningful ways. This board is helping me immensely and I am so grateful to each woman who has taken the time to write to me - all of your messages make a HUGE difference in my life right now, believe me. Thank you again!
Avatar for actingrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 4:48pm
I'm sorry I typed in the url forgetting part of it, duh! here's the link to my baby girls story. I would love to hear more about your beloved kitty when you feel up to talking more about him.


((hugs))

Shann

http://pages.ivillage.com/actingrl/savannahboobooangelfurbaby

Avatar for cl_whispersmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 5:03pm
{{{^Furry's^ Mama}}} I am so very sorry to learn of the passing of your beloved ^Furry^. (with his beautiful new wings.) It sounds like you did absolutely everything to help your precious furchild. {{{Hugs}}} Please, please know that you did the most loving, and unselfish thing.... to release your sweet ^Furry^ from his pain. It's a loving Mom, such as you, who understands when our beloveds are asking for a special kind of help. You listened to Furry, when he told you he needed help to earn his wings. It's just so, so sad that once our beloved's pain ends... ours begins. {{{Hugs}}}

Gosh... I really wish I knew the perfect 'words of comfort' to help your broken heart. At a devastating time like this, there is really nothing anyone can say. When my Whisper earned his wings.... I was a lost soul. The only thing that would have comforted me, was to have him back in my arms again. But.... {{{aumama}}} please know that you will never be alone, in your journey towards healing. We all just have to take it one baby step at a time.

Once again, please accept my deepest sympathy for the passing of your beloved ^Furry^. And, please know that Heaven just became a better place, when ^Furry^ earned his wings.

With my heart, Lin (Whisper's Mom)

With my heart,
 

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