I don't even know where to begin...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I don't even know where to begin...
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 9:47pm

My dear 8 year old Jack Russell, Chandler, escaped our yard and was hit by a car on 6/11.

Avatar for mullietucksmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 10:23pm
((( Candler's mom))) I so very sorry for your loss.
You are doing just what all of us here do almost everyday. Get mad... at anyone and everyone. You go right ahead and get mad. Give the vet's office a piece of your mind.... If it helps the next mom it would be worth it.
You can only take it day by day....you get up, you put your feet on the floor, and another day goes by. Somedays it will feel like your insides are died, but day by day..... You will start coming back, not the same by a long shot. But better in some ways....and that is from the love you and your sweet Chandler shared. He has given you a new way to love....and you will carry that love with you forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Thu, 06-26-2008 - 12:21am

I'm so sorry to hear about Chandler. Boy, did I go through a lot of the same things! And still do, almost every day. I constantly think about how things might have been different if I got Taz to a vet sooner, if the emergency hospital I called first hadn't made us wait, or had taken a minute to assess his condition, if the vet at the hospital I took him to had given him a blood transfusion right away, etc. etc. I'm sure it must be even worse for you, having him die so young in what seems like it could have been prevented. But life sadly is never fair, or predictable or controllable. Gradually I've come to terms with what happened and realized I am simply *not* perfect, and other people are not perfect, and we can't control the world and keep our babies 100% safe no matter how much we want to. The guilt and anger are just part of the grieving process and give you something to focus on, and sort of in a strange way distracts you from the loss. I did write a letter to the vet hospital that turned us away (and have since heard similar stories from other people) which did at least make me feel I'd tried to release some of that anger (it was VERY carefully worded to basically say...I'm not trying to blame, but just to prevent someone else from suffering the way I am) and while I never got a reply from them, it made me feel a little better at least and let me move at least a small step forward from the blame. Rather than focus on what I didn't do or should have done, I've tried to find little things in how it happened that may have been for the best...that maybe my having Taz for a longer time would have been difficult for him, to see me crying and upset and clinging to him. Perhaps Chandler had something that the vet did not find and was going to die regardless and it happened this way to save you from the pain of having to watch it. Maybe he *would* have fought harder if you were there, but that might not have been the right thing for him, to suffer longer in pain. It's hard to ever find any good when things like this happen, but those are the thoughts I worked very hard to find and gave me some peace of mind in the process. I loved Taz *so* much and I know that I did not do anything purposely to harm him, and loved him completely to the end and did not try to extend his life selfishly so when I am wallowing in guilt as I still do, I try to remember that and know that I did my best. And you know, no matter what, no matter how flawed I was, my dog was always happy with my best. As I am sure Chandler is as well.

Taz, Dearly loved by Mary Jo, 4/28/95-5/25/08

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