I'm trying

Avatar for roadsideis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm trying
6
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 9:24am

Hello again, Thanks to Lin, Carol and TucksMom for the kind words after Roadsides passing. I am trying so hard not to let this get me down, or down to far, if that makes sense. I know I can't change it so I am making a real effort to push past this pain in my heart. Okay now I'm crying because thats what happens when I let myself go to that place.

I never really told you all what happened, so here goes... As some of you know Road was diagnosed with congestive heart failure on May 2nd '07, the vet gave him 2 months and at first he was very ill, but he pulled through. Our house became very quiet, no stress and lots of love and fresh salmon for road. About six months later the vet said his kidneys were starting to fail, so we backed off on some meds and changed his food to renal food. He had a great year, loved going outside and attacking the dog as always. Then this July 4th he seemed a bit under the weather, but he hadn't pooped (which had happened before) so I thought once he goes to the bathroom he'll be fine, but then he stopped eating on the 9th we brought him to the vet and got horrible news that his kidneys wouldn't hold out much longer. The night of the 10th he couldn't walk and was very weak. It was a horrible night, we gave him some sedatives so he could sleep because he kept struggling to get up and walk but kept falling and meowing. The morning of the 11th was the most horrible morning of my life. I can't believe it still. He was the best and I love him more then anything and anyone. There are people who get mad at me for that, but I don't care. He was the one that no matter what made me smile. I miss him so much I can't believe that I'm still breathing. At least I've stopped looking at the clock and counting the hours since he's been gone. Since May 2nd it was 14months and 9 days, we were blessed to have had that time.

I saw the post about the songs, "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan is mine at the moment...

When the stars have all gone out you'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning 'cause the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy so I can wash this from my mind
the memory of choosing not to fight.

Well if you'd like to say hi to my road you can go to my myspace page

http://www.myspace.com/ellieroad

Thanks for listening everyone, My thoughts are with all of you that have lost a precious baby. This is so hard but I guess it gets easier, even if the memory and love never fades. I would take this pain anyday for being so lucky to have had Road in my life. I hope everyone can find some peace in the love they shared.

My love to everyone

Karen, Gremlyn, Becky and Roadsides mom

Avatar for cl_mosmomcarol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 2:51am

(((^Road's^ Mom)))


Avatar for cl_whispersmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 3:52pm

{{{^Roadside^,

With my heart,
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2008
Sun, 07-27-2008 - 5:30pm
Roadsides mom....I saw your video on my Space and it made me cry..I am sobbing as I write this post... Everything that you have written is so beautiful and I so understand how you feel. The pain that I feel from losing my Sammy is unbearable.....and people around me have grown tired of my grieving...but I don't care either....Sam was the best part of my life just as Roadside was to you......unless you experience unconditional love you really can't understand it///They give us so much and ask for so little in return....... please know that I understand your grief completely and I wish you peace in your heart...One thing I know for sure....Roadside is with you, even now....He is deep in your heart, and he will remain there until the day that you are able to be together again...Lots of gentle hugs....Eleni-Sam's mom.
Avatar for roadsideis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 8:46am

Thanks Carol for your comforting words. I still can't believe he's gone, probably never will. But I am so blessed to have had him. And Lucky to have you guys to listen and understand. It still amazes me the love and compassion on this board. I hope you have a great weekend!

Karen

Avatar for roadsideis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 8:52am

Lin, Thanks for listening and Thanks for going to my page to see Road. I look at that page everyday and cry, I have Pics of road everywhere and keep thinking I hear him meow or scratching in the litter box, then I remember the horrible truth. I said I don't want another cat and I meant it, but I feel bad cause I said If one shows up at my door I might have to take him in, well one little kitten (orange tabby) ran straight for me, stopped on my neighbors porch, And I told it to go away and it did, now I feel bad. I just am not ready. I hope Road didn't send that kitten for us. But I think that I'm just too sad right now to make sense of all this. Well Road knows my heart so I shouldn't worry. Thanks again for everything. Have a great weekend.

Karen

Avatar for roadsideis
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 8:58am
Thanks Eleni, for your kind words and visiting my page to see Roadside. I'm still just trying to hang in there and get through the days with out him. I am so sorry about your beloved Sammy, it really is true what you said about unconditional love. It is not something we find often in our lives and the pain of losing it is so hard. I hope that you are doing okay, getting used to life now without Sammy, I'm trying, it seems so strange, like something is wrong. But I just keep reminding myself of the time we did have. Hugs to you and Sammy, hope you have a nice weekend....Karen