New pet soon after loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
New pet soon after loss
5
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 12:24am

We lost our baby boy on Friday, 12/1/06. He was a 2 1/2 yr old mini dachshund, Buddy. Yesterday, 12/5/06 our vet called. She had a 2 year old female mini dachshund that was in a rescue and needed a home. She said that she's seen this before and sometimes it helps to get another pet right away. We can take her on a "trial" basis. My husband and I discussed it and decided that it was too quiet here and we needed something to love and to love us back. We know she won't replace Buddy and it wouldn't be fair to her to expect her to be like him. She has enough differences to help with that. He was 6-7 lbs, she's around 11-12. He was black/tan, she's light red. She's very sweet, loves to cuddle and kiss. Very quiet and adorable. Problem is, I don't know if I'm ready. My husband told the vet that we'll make this work. I want it to but I'm having a difficult time getting close to her. We use to refer to each other as mommy and daddy and Buddy knew who we meant. Tonight he told Ella to "go to mommy" and it cut like a knife. I don't feel like her "mommy". I feel like she's a guest in my home. She was laying on me earlier and I was afraid to look at her. As long as I didn't see her I could imagine it was my Buddy. I'm very careful not to use phrases that I use to use with Buddy. Those were our special terms and phrases. If I slip I feel awkward.

Has anybody else gone through this? Does it get any better? Will I come to love this adorable little girl?

Denice

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Community Leader
Registered: 12-01-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 8:33am
You will come to lover her so much,I did not want one right away but got one and love him so much,I will never forget the ones I lsot and they hold a special place..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:15am

I was in bed last night and asking God to help me with this and I suddenly realized I wasn't expecting her to be Buddy, I was expecting me to feel about her as I did Buddy. I don't feel like her "mommy" but that doesn't mean that I can't accept her as a pet in our home. If I look at it that way and not try to force feelings I can't have right now I'm sure I'll come to love her for who she is. I don't want to take her back. She needs a home and we need some company here. I was just expecting much more from me than I'm capable of right now.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it will get better. We're both adapting, Miss Ellie and myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 2:24pm
Just give it time...

ChrisSlideshowSpring2010.gif picture by clw92260

Avatar for cl_whispersmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 6:27pm

{{{^Buddy's^ Mom and Dad}}}

With my heart,
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 8:51pm

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. We do feel that she was sent by Buddy.

Once I realized that it was OK not to have the same feelings for Ellie as I did Buddy it got easier. Right now I look at her as a pet. Not a member of the family yet but she's working her way into my heart.

We don't think she's a purebread mini dachschund. Her legs aren't as stumpy and the chest build is not the same. Her ears aren't as long and the nose is a little shorter. My husband thinks she's got some cocker spaniel or beagle in her. She has the sweetest face and the skin wrinkles above her eyes. I called the shelter today to get more info about her and to find out if Ellie was her original name since she doesn't respond to it. I was told that she was there for over a year and her original owner spoke spanish. Maybe that's why she doesn't respond to her name. My husband is more attached to her right now than I am but she seems to prefer me. She follows me everywhere I go and as soon as I sit she's in my lap. I guess she's still trying to adjust to new surroundings.

I know it will get easier and I am open to loving her I just can't open my heart fully yet. It still contains Buddy and I'm afraid if I let her in I'll loose a little of him.

Denice

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