Is there a time of day that's hardest?
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 07-05-2011 - 11:11am|
It was one week ago today that I had to let Sable go. I’m still trying to even process that he’s gone, and it seems like everyone, even family members, seem to think I should be fine by now or don’t understand the level of grief I’m feeling.
For me, it’s hardest at bedtime. Sable and I had a routine. When I was ready to go to bed, I would check the locks, turn out the lights, turn on the nightlight in the kitchen, brush my teeth, etc. and crawl into bed with a book. Sable was always allowed to sleep at the foot of my bed, and he always waited until I was in there before he jumped up on the bed. In 10 years, I don’t think he ever got on my bed when I wasn’t there. So I’d be lying on my left side (which happened to face away from the door) reading, and in a little while—kerWHUMP—Sable would land on the middle of the bed, crashing into my legs. And usually he would sneak up to the top of the bed to get goodnight snugs before settling back down at the foot of the bed.
Knowing that Sable isn’t going to sleep on my bed anymore has been very hard. I can be okay all day (well...not crying, at least), and then I get into bed, and it all just hits me until I wind up a sobbing mess. I kept a top sheet on the bed over all the covers so he could shed on that and not get fur all over my sheets/blankets. I can’t even bring myself to change the sheets because his top sheet is still there and I know he was there. Just one week ago, he was there. I’ve gone through the rest of the apartment and have been putting his things away (toys, dishes, etc.), but I can’t do this one thing.
Do you have a particular time of day that the grief seems worse? How do you deal with it?
I’ll post a picture of Sable when I can get a picture lined up. I want you all to see him and how wonderful he was.