Trying to Move On
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|Sun, 06-08-2008 - 3:33pm|
What a rough couple of weeks this has been. I've gotten so little real work done but luckily have had some large sales so I feel I can allow myself this time off to try and heal. There's just so much I want to do to honor my beloved Taz, so much work yet to do. I have so many videos to capture onto my computer and put onto YouTube still, and I want to eventually put together a "tribute" video with lots of photos and video clips of him, but that's a LOT of work to do. My big project is creating a memory book for him. I started working on one using the book creator software from blurb.com but really wanted more creativity so am using my own digital layout software to do the pages, but it's a LOT of work, and will easily take me months to finish it. I spent all day yesterday scanning all the photos I have of him, and now have a total of 200+ that I need to go through and clean up in my photo editing software in order to be ready to use. I still want to take photos of things like his biggest trophies and ribbons to include as well, many of which were packed away in storage. I've been keeping a journal so when I remember something I can write it down, and it's amazing how many memories have come churning up that I hadn't thought of in years. But I will have to sit down and type all this up in a coherent form and integrate all that into the book, as well as the 100+ messages of condolence I've gotten from all my family, friends and other fans of his (probably won't use all of them, I have to pay by the page!) Keeping my mind busy does keep my emotions at bay a bit, but I'm still not to the point where I can really think of all these things we did and not just feel choked up with the loss and absence of him. A big part of me doesn't really want to move on, and accept that I really can survive just fine without him. I dread the thought of not being able to really remember him, the way it's hard to remember my first sheltie that I lost 10 years ago. You know, where you can so clearly picture them in your mind and remember them being there. I don't want that to ever go away.
Taz, Dearly loved by Mary Jo, 4/28/95-5/25/08