Had to put Cloey to sleep

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Had to put Cloey to sleep
10
Sat, 07-20-2013 - 9:10am

Hi again.. once again I'm sorry for just coming here every now and then and it's only when I need some help. I had to put Cloey (beagle) to sleep on Thursday night. She wasn't doing good this year... the vet said the nevers in her back legs are failing and some tumor on her brain is getting bigger and that would cause her to lose her balance. Anyways so things started getting worse the past couple of weeks with her not wanting to eat so the vet suggested mixingin baby food.. did that but she still would just pick at her food. Then she fall down constantly and I'd help her back up. Just this past week is when things got so bad... she peed in the kitchen floor and fell either while she was peeing like her back legs would give out. I'd come home twice and she was lying in her pee unable to get up. I asked a relative who works afternoons and can go by my house to get to her work if she could come by before work to check on Cloey and let her out. She said yes and was to start that on this coming Monday. I really should have like I thought to put a baby gate up we have to block Cloey's entrance to the kitchen off while I was at work on Thursday but did not..... which in turn I am seriously kicking myself for. I figured my husband would not go for that plan so thought Cloey could hang in there just one more day until my relative could start coming by daily to check on her. Anyhow.. came home after work, she had fallen in her pee again but this time I guess she kept trying to get up and slipping and up and slipping back down on the floor so much just struggling that her knees on her back legs were awful looking and so bloody. I'll spare you the other details but had to take her to the vet and put her to sleep.. I figured that I could not keep making her try and try again like she has been such a tropper through her whole not feeling well.

My problem is now is that I never knew I could feel such intesene sadness. I have not been able to stop crying.. wake up during the night and cry.. this house is so odd and sad feeling without her. I can't for the life of me stop thinking and stop crying. I picked up all her things and put them in a box and put it down in the basement .. figured if I just left them lying around I'd get more sad. I really honestly don't know what to do with her bedding.. I just left it in some laundry pile on the floor downstairs in the basement. What the heck do I do with it?? Wash it or throw it out or keep it in another box and hide the box somewhere? I looked on the Pet Berevement board here and those stories just make me more sad and aren't helpful so that is why I came here so you all kinda know me. We chose to have her cremated so will get her ashes back in two weeks and will put them out in the yard here.. which I'm sure I'll have another meltdown then too. :(

Avatar for terreinarkansas
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2000
Sat, 07-20-2013 - 9:29am

I am so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. But, Cloey is at peace now and I hope you know you did all you could. I really feel for you ;-)

As for what to do with her toys and bedding you could donate them to your local Humane Society or animal shelter. I'm sure they could use them and you would be doing a good thing. 

Community Leader
Registered: 11-21-2001
Sat, 07-20-2013 - 1:21pm

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  It's never easy to lose a furchild; no matter what the age or the circumstances.  ^Cloey^ is now at peace....

As for the toys and bedding, I would definitely take them to your local humane society.  When I lost my yellow lab ^Valentine^ years ago, she had been in kidney failure and I was giving her fluids at home.  I had bags of fluid along with needles; I brought them to my humane society and they were so grateful.

My thoughts are with you; even though you never forget it "does" get easier with time.  I've been through this many times and, even though I do still have my bad days, I can often think of my lost furkids and smile.

Laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-1999
Sat, 07-20-2013 - 8:23pm

I am so sorry for your loss.  No matter how long we have them, it is never long enough.

I suggest you call your local beagle rescue or all-breed rescue organization and offer Cloey's belongings for their fosters.  All of those things will fit better in a more homey foster environment.  I am a volunteer at our city shelter, and they do not use actual dog beds there, and they use all the same kind of bowls because they fit in the commercial dishwasher a certain way. 

Sending prayers for the hole in your heart.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Sun, 07-21-2013 - 8:40am
Thank you all for your support. Donating her bedding to the shelter/foster is a good idea.. I'll do that. Thank you for that suggestion. It's like I want her to live on and help other dogs. I had a huge bag of dog food of hers that I gave to my neighbor to use for her dogs. This is really so intense and unbearable for me to keep feeling this level of sadness. I got out of the house yesterday, walked around the mall but ended up crying my eyes out for 15mins in a dressing room. Then this morning I woke up at 5am crying my eyes out again. Nothing is the same. I miss her so much. She was always by my side.. even putting my shoes on in the morning is not the same, she'd come over to me while I put them on and stand right next to me. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Sun, 07-21-2013 - 6:01pm

Can't do it.. I tried to make myself go down in the basement to wash her beddings and towels but the thought of seeing that and smelling her again (good way) kept bringing me to tears. I did not even get laundry done because I could not go down. My husband was gone all day.. I told him to take it all, put it in a bag and throw it away somewhere. I don't want to see it or smell again. I will have another meltdown. I know that is so mean to just throw her stuff away. He's not the type that would bring it to a shelter and now I'm not sure I want another dog to have her stuff so..... this is just too much for me. :(

Avatar for donnaldy59
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2001
Sun, 07-21-2013 - 9:27pm
Oh I'm so very sorry for you loss of Cloey! I know how sad and upset you must be!!! It is so very painful when we lose a beloved dog-daughter or son! Cloey was a sweet girl and I know she brought a lot of love and happiness to your family! The crying and heartbreak will take a while to lessen but your love for Cloey will always live strong in your heart! Know that we're here for you and totally understand what you're going through as we have all gone through the same thing at one time or another! I'm sending you big hugs and prayers that you will be able to think of Cloey with lots of love and happiness in your heart!! You can donate Cloey's bedding and toys to a shelter. All shelters can use that kind of help and it will make you feel better knowing Cloey is helping other homeless dogs in their time of need. Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Mon, 07-22-2013 - 7:29pm
Thank you. However I could not do it.... with her bedding... I tried to make myself go down in the basement to wash her beddings and towels but the thought of seeing that and smelling her again (good way) kept bringing me to tears. I did not even get laundry done because I could not go down. My husband was gone all day.. I told him to take it all, put it in a bag and throw it away somewhere. I don't want to see it or smell again. I will have another meltdown. I know that is so mean to just throw her stuff away. He's not the type that would bring it to a shelter and now I'm not sure I want another dog to have her stuff so..... this is just too much for me. :( Her vet sent me a sympathy card.. got it in the mail today and I totally had another crying fit meltdown. This saddness really needs to stop soon. I have never before in my life experienced such intense sadness.
Avatar for donnaldy59
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2001
Mon, 07-22-2013 - 10:17pm
Don't stress yourself about what to do with Cloey's things! Everyone is different! I totally understand! I'm just so sorry that it all was such a bad experience but I guess when they pass it is always a bad experience! I send you hugs and please please post at any time if you want to talk or rant. We're here for you and I will definitely understand what you're going through. I think your vet was very thoughtful to send you a sympathy card. My vet did the same thing when I lost first Buzz and then a month later Emmy. There is no easy way to deal with grief unfortunately. It's okay to be sad and cry - it's normal! Lean on us! Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 7:13pm
Thank you. Do you know when this intense sadness will stop? I keep crying. I can't find any support groups to physically go to my in area. I have had it with this intense crying sadness and want it to stop. Do you know what helps or how long? Thank you.
Avatar for donnaldy59
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2001
Fri, 08-02-2013 - 12:15pm

Unfortunately grieving is a very personal and private thing.  People handle it differently.  So there is not set time it lasts or even what will help except going to bereavement groups.  We have a very very good Pet Bereavement board.  It helps to share your grief with others who are going through the same thing.  The community leaders are wonderful!  Here is the link if you want to check them out.

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/home-garden/pets/pet-loss-bereavement