still crying

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
still crying
6
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 6:50pm

This is the worst emotion I've ever experienced in my whole entire life. It will be three months next week. I'm so sad still. I cry a lot like every day again where a few weeks ago a day or so would go by and I would not cry, now it is all the time. I've been looking on shelter websites but I just don't know if I want to go through this pain again plus whatever dog won't be my Cloey and I just want Cloey back!! My husband is not supportive anymore. He told me that I need to "move on" and that it is not fair to him to be sad. ??  There was a grief support group at a church I drive past on the way home from work with a sign that said "all are welcome" but when I inquired they said they only do grief for people not pets.. go figure. I just feel so stuck in sadness.

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 7:45pm
How sad :( I have had several dogs throughout the years and it is never easy to say goodbye. Getting another dog will not replace Cloey but It will enable you to move on :) Good luck and keep us updated......
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 3:51pm

Aw, I'm sorry you're having such an awful time dealing with the loss of your beloved dog.

Getting another dog might help, especially if it's a rescue.  We have two puggles - one we got as a baby from a breeder, the other we got a year later from a rescue.  DH is the one who spends all day with the dogs, as he's a SAH dad, and he feels extra tender toward Joy, our rescue dog, because we know that she's here because someone else cared enough to rescue her from a high-kill shelter; and because we adopted her, the rescue team can rescue another dog from the same shelter.  Rescue dogs sometimes have issues, but their history can make bonding with them all the sweeter.

Life goes on, and our pets don't live forever.  Neither do our people.  Just enjoy every day with the humans and animals in your life so that when they go, as they inevitably will, you can think of how much you loved each other, without regrets.

Community Leader
Registered: 11-21-2001
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 5:05pm

I can sympathize and this is not unusual.  When my father passed away many years ago I was upset and sad at first but during the wake and funeral I had to be strong for my mom and sister.  For a while I was OK...but then a few months later I started feeling terrible and crying all the time.  It just "hit" me one day that my fathe was really gone.

It's like that when we lose our furkids....there will be months when I rarely think about the dogs I've lost, but then there are days when I'll just cry for them even after so many years.  It will be 2 years this coming Monday that I lost my 16YO dal, ^Samantha^ and I still miss her every day.

It will take time...no dog will ever be your Cloey...and they shouldn't be.  If you bring another dog into your life that dog needs to be loved and cared for as the individual that they are.  When I lost my ^Valentine^ 6 years ago I thought it would take a very long time before I would bring another dog into my home; just three months later I saw my Cleo at the shelter and she melted my heart; I know that Valentine sent her to me.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it "does" get better.  Maybe you should try to Google "pet loss support groups" in your area.  They're more common than you think.

Laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Fri, 10-11-2013 - 2:49pm

Thank you all for the support and taking the time to write such caring replies. I'm also having a difficult time in trying to get past the comment my husband made to me of to just "move on" two days after putting Cloey to sleep he said that to me and then again a couple of months later. I don't understand how you'd think the one person that should be there for you no matter what really wasn't so that has been bothering me a lot too. It made me feel ashamed or guilty like maybe so much love should not have been poured into a dog or something which I know is ridiculous. I've tried to explain to him that people handle things differently and that maybe I had more of a connection with her but he himself does not seem to understand that. He linked it to life goes on blah blah and he said that think of it like an old used up car and cars don't last forever blah blah... just am so bothered by that.

Community Leader
Registered: 11-21-2001
In reply to: gazebo
Fri, 10-11-2013 - 5:52pm

Well...most men just don't have the emotions that women have...but I do have to say that my DH seems to care more about our dogs than for me...LOL....  Maybe it's because I'm always the "bad guy"....he has always spoiled them rotten and even though I do spoil them, I'm also the disciplinarian, when necessary.

We did argue when my ^Samantha^ was in her later days.  For months before she was totally incontinent so I would spend my days working, then do loads of towels morning, noon and night.  When she was still able to walk she would urinate a "trail" throughout the house which, of course, I would have to clean.  So there were so many times that I would become frustrated and he would get upset with me and say "be happy we still have her!!"  Of course I was happy to still have her around....but it was wearing on me.  And, of course, I would feel guilty for getting angry.

Your DH just doesn't understand how you feel...and I doubt you can change that.  Just know that there are so many other people that "do" understand  your pain and are willing to listen to you express your feelings.  And we're always here too....

Laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2002
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:32pm

Thank you for sharing that, Laura. That is how it was with Cloey the last few months.. she'd pee in the kitchen and poop too even though we'd wake up with her at 2am or so to let her out when we'd hear her get up every night.. sometimes twice a night like that. My husband would take her out on the weeknights and I'd do the weekends. Then he'd mop the floor up in the mornings. Somehow he just stopped doing that all together the last month or two. I took over which I did not really mind.. just changed my frame of mind of I get to have even more time with her at 2am and 4am taking her outside. Anyway, so I can relate to you cleaning.. would come home from work each day and clean up pee and poop..every single day! I do the wash too every single day! It was starting to frustrate me.. caused many loud arguements between DH and me... he kept saying she needs to be put down and she is ruining our carpets, etc. I really stood up for her though. I felt he cared more about the carpet than her! I also felt that during this time we should really have been there and have been nice to each other but it was the extreme opposite, which I did not understand at all why we were like that to each other or why he could not be more sensitve. I have this huge dislike for him now in regards to that that I can't seem to let go of either. I guess what made me realize it was time was when I came home and her knees were all bloody from trying to get up then kept slipping back down on her pee in the kitchen... must have tried the whole day like that. I still to this day beat myself up for not putting the baby gate up to keep her out of the kitchen. This was the third or fourth time she has fallen in the kitchen in her pee but not to the extent where she made her knees all bloody trying to get up. I just am having the worst time with this and continue to cry daily. I can't get that day out of my mind and of course I miss her so much. I've been dreaming of her at night but I think that is kinda worse as I wake up and she is not here. I feel like I let her down somehow and can't stop crying. I wish I could have this sadness permanently removed from me. I feel I will be sad forever for the rest of my life. As you know, my DH no longer wants to hear it and is not supportive at all so I don't know what to do other than cry and hope one day I will just stop crying! I've had childhood dogs that yes have had to be put down due to old age but for some reason this is getting to me more than that like I don't remember being THIS sad. I guess one dog I did not really bond with growing up seeing as my parents kept her outdoors all of the time. The second dog.. I was really very close to but then moved away and about a year later my parents had to put her down so I guess maybe since I was already gone away like not living at home anymore so not around the dog anymore very often it was less emotion? I don't know... this whole sadness is really getting to me though.