i STILL tense up during sex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
i STILL tense up during sex!
3
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 12:45pm
I still hurts when he is trying to go in! I tense up so badly..weve been married for three years, have a 7 month old dd, what is wrong with me and how can I fix it???

thanks, Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 7:39pm

While the actual answer might be complicated, from a psychological point of view, so that I can't really give you a definitive answer, why don't you trying using some lubricant. If that takes away most of the pain, then your problem will be solved without actually getting to the root cause. And perhaps, if the cause turns out to have been

Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 8:36pm
Thanks, we do use extra lubricant and it doesnt seem to help at all. I still cant do an exam at the dr.'s office without REALLY tensing up either...I was never molested or raped or anything like that (my dr. was REAL quick to ask that) and after we had the baby for a couple weeks, sex was REALLY nice, i didnt tense up, i was relaxed it didnt hurt at all..it was soooooo sweet and wonderful but hten al o f the sudden one night it stared hurting again and i started tensing up again...now it is NOT wonderful and sweet at all. and to top it off, i had a c-section, so i know it cant have anything to do with healing wrong or anything. My dr. says some women just tense up that it may be a mental thing with me, like the good old catholic quilt or something, BUT like i said weve been married for 3 years, together for nin, although we didnt have sex until we were married 9back to good old catholic quielt.) thanks for your help and any other you can give me.

grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 6:34am
If he generously coats his penis in lubricant he slip slip right in. What kind of lubricant are you using? If you're not using "real" lubricant that could be part of the problem. It's drying up before he tries entering you. Also, do you engage in plenty of foreplay? To the point that you are lubricated naturally and ready to receive a penis? Please don't think just kissing and him getting erect means *you're* ready for sex. If you were you wouldn't be tensing up like that. I highly doubt you're experiencing any guilt since you are trying to have sex with your husband of three years. What would you be feeling guilty about?





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