bf wants to watch me finger myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
bf wants to watch me finger myself
13
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 10:40am

Hey there,


My bf and I have a great sex life, however yesterday he told me that he would just go wild if I started to touch myself while having sex... or for him to just sit there and watch me finger myself and enjoy it. My problem here is that one I'm a bit shy to do it in front of him, and my second problem is that for some reason fingering just doesn't do the trick for me. When I masterbate i normally use the pillow or shower head. I'm a bit scared of my nail scratching me from the inside, and i focus too much about how the inside of me feels (which i think is a bit gross). The catch is that i actually DO want to learn how to enjoy fingering myself. It could be a lot of fun if I learned how to enjoy it...or do it. Any tips or suggestions would really help since I want to work on this before I start doing it in front of my boyfriend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 11:12am

If the inside is a problem for you, stay outside. That's where the important part is, anyway. Focus on the clitoris and leave the vagina out of it and see if that helps you at all. If you try it while you're having sex with him, it might be easier, since the vagina is already taken care of.
As an alternative, you can offer to show him what you do with the shower head. I'm sure he'll like that, too.

Regarding the shyness, it might help if you ask him to masturbate at the same time. If you can see him being comfortable enough to do it in your presence, it might help put you at ease.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 12:51pm

I have a suggestion for you MM......especially if you are a bit shy masturbating in front of him......


Let him enter you as he lies next to you........while laying on your back, let your fingers roam downward until you find the area that feels best for you to touch yourself......as your b/f is enjoying the feel of him being inside of you, begin masturbating yourself......from experience I can assure you that both of you will climax....possibly more than once....and he will be in 7th heaven. The downside is you will both enjoy it so much, it may be difficult to have sex any other way but that for the near future......If you are shy, just make sure the room is dark before you both start......have the sheets or covers up over your private areas if that will take away some of your shyness or anxiety.....believe me, your b/f will know exactly what you're doing to yourself......I guarantee you a wild night of lovemaking. Good luck to you both......:)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 1:22pm
Thanks so much for the tips. I will most def try it out and see where it goes. I just have to get over the shyness thing of him knowing that I touch myself, bc normally it's a private thing i do. Awesome tips!!! =o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 1:34pm

You're quite welcome!!


Most people prefer masturbating alone.....you're no different than most folks, truth be told. Solo is a private act meant for just one person's enjoyment. But to share it with your mate, where it's just you basically helping him to get you off, believe me MM, it's something that you will find to be the best of both worlds.....of course, that's strictly my opinion. There may be others here that don't agree.


The fun of enjoying sex is to be bold and brave, trying new and different things until you both can agree on your favorites. Good luck again to you.....I have a feeling you're about to become a little "less shy" soon.....:))

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 3:34pm

Just to second the great advice you've already been given.
Although masturbation is usually a solo activity, I found that mutual masturbation can really be an intensely intimate experience.

Definately ask him to do himself at the same time. That tends to "level the playing field" and will likely make you feel a lot more comfortable. (I bet you'll barely have to hint at it, he'll be dying to have your 'permission' and be ready to go.....trust me!)

Dont' get too hung up on specifically fingering...just do whatever you feel most comfortable with and let your fingers "go where they want to".

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 9:19pm

Hey mala......everyone here has given you wonderful ideas......I have a couple more to throw in!


My husband has told me for a while that he would love to watch me also, and I too was very shy about it...I think the first time I touched myself in front of him, he was down giving me oral and I was letting my hands roam and they ended up down there and I started touching myself he of course was right there and he loved it, I still to this day haven't done it long enough to get off in front of him, but if we're playing with toys he loves it if I take the toy and use it on myself, so that's something you could do without actually touching yourself..........also.......when we're doing it doggie style, I'll reach one of my arms back and play w/ his balls while also touching myself, which he can tell what I"m doing, so he likes that also!!!


Hope you have fun w/ this!!!! =)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 3:57am
Hi mala. I feel the same way about fingering in front of my man but he seems to LUV it. What i do is put on like 1 or 2 candles so it dark, but he can see me tho. Maybe that might help. What do u think?

Love Luscious Mocha


www.Shop-Luscious.com

Love Luscious Mocha

www.Shop-Luscious.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 5:03am

***Just to second the great advice you've already been given.
Although masturbation is usually a solo activity, I found that mutual masturbation can really be an intensely intimate experience.***


We always begin our foreplay with mutual masturbation-not necessarily to orgasm, but just as foreplay. She loves to see me masturbate and watching her is hot. She usually uses her finger, but sometimes she uses a realistic dildo. I just lube up and go to it. We usually watch a sex DVD at the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2007
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 9:25pm
if you play when in reverse cowgirl or on top then you cum much easier through sex. i always do it dont feel shy try it in reverse cowgirl first adn then you cant see him until you have built up your confidence the orgasms are always good i recommend trying it
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2005
Mon, 04-21-2008 - 11:57pm

Hi mala,

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