Confused - did I scare him off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Confused - did I scare him off?
Mon, 05-25-2009 - 11:17pm

I'm 28 and have gone out with a guy (33) twice now. We met randomly just about two or three weeks ago but I *really* like him. We have a lot in common and can talk for 8 hours straight without any awkward silences. He often comments on how it's rare for him to find someone he can talk to so easily.

On Friday we had our second date. At the end when we parted ways, I suddenly got really nervous and shy and I could feel he did as well. He gave me a hug and then a peck on the side of my mouth - not on my lips or cheek, just halfway between.

We both pulled back and I said goodbye and he said, "I'll talk to you later."

I had meant to chip in for some of the date (it was a bit pricey) but when I get nervous I go brain dead (sigh) so I forgot to leave cash. I sent him a text message to say I was sorry for not chipping in but he made me nervous and I forgot! That was about 2:30am Saturday (just after I left). Sunday I got an email from him saying thanks for the text, don't worry at all about not chipping in because I was his guest and it was the least he could do for me driving all the way out there (he isn't far - about half an hour away). Then he said "have a great weekend" and his name.

I replied and said thanks, I had a great time (despite getting nervous at the end) and if he was interested I'd love to do it again sometime soon if he was interested. I then asked about the rest of the weekend (he had some interesting plans) and signed off with "talk to you soon."

That was early yesterday (Sun) and I haven't heard back. The date was Friday evening until about 2:00am Saturday morning. I know he was really into me - I could tell by his body language and things he said. Did I scare him off by admitting I was nervous? Or do you think maybe he thinks I'm not interested because I didn't go in for more of a kiss? Is it okay for me to ask him out or should I wait and see if I hear from him?

Any advice/opinions would be appreciated! Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 05-25-2009 - 11:29pm

Sounds to me you did fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 12:59am

A quick thought....

You have to relax and let things come to you naturally. Being nervous is not a plus and probably something that you should keep to yourself. And so far there doesn't appear to be anything strong enough to scare this guy away. Not ending on a strong positive note is something that you should avoid because that leaves the last impression. As far as the weekend goes, he may have had other things to do and he doesn't want to appear too desperate at this early stage.

So just relax and enjoy your moments. It would also help if didn't overrate him and see him as just a guy. Otherwise, you'll give him too much of the upper hand and that usually isn't a thing for most romantic relationships. They seem to work better when the woman has the power to let him.

Choose wisely & thanks for being a part of the Ask Mr. Answer Man Message for the past 5 1/2 years. It was a nice ride,

Steve Nakamoto

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Choose wisely & thanks for being a part of the Ask Mr. Answer Man Message for the past 5 1/2 years. It was a nice ride,
Steve Nakamoto

To receive Over $100 in Free Information sign up at

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 7:08am
You've gone out twice, I don't think that qualifies you for an instant Texting Every Day Relationship(tm). Calm down, he obviously had a good time. The only way you could ruin it would be by texting him too much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 10:15am

I think you did fine. The only thing that I would recommend is that to let him do the work and chase after you, and don't send text's late at night either. I'd personally give it another week then let him go. If he's interested he'll make a move and call you, trust me!

Maybe there just wasn't a connection for him the 2nd time around. It's hard to say, but next time let him do the chasing if he's interested, if not then he'll move on. If he does contact you in the next week or so, and wonders why you didn't call, just say you were busy and assumed you had no interest. Just give it a week or two and see what happens.