Awesome guy, not so awesome sex vs. awesome sex, not so awesome guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2012
Awesome guy, not so awesome sex vs. awesome sex, not so awesome guy.
Thu, 09-12-2013 - 8:01am

I'm in my early 30's, but haven't dated very much so I feel inexperienced. I have been hung up on two guys I've dated in the past which has gotten me thinking a lot lately. I'm curious which relationship would end up better in others opinions: 

really awesome guy, not so awesome sex or amazing sex, not so awesome guy

I know no one is perfect and I really am very easy going. There are a lot of good qualities in both guys and there are some annoying things in both guys. Considering I'm not that into sex, but these guys definitely are, which one would be more successful to be in a relationship with? Do you think it could work if i had absolutely no desire to have sex with the one, but loved to be around him in every other way? Or Is it better to have some amazing sex (and actually want it at times) and just deal with the occasional put downs and irritating behavior at times? (As far as put downs, he sometimes tries to be funny but isn't, not intentional verbal abuse.)

Also, do you think a realtionship can work if you can't stand his friends?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Dump both.  If sex is a 3 on a scale of 1-10 of favorite activities it is advisable to find someone with the same value.  While a ok lover can with praise and encouragement be raised to great lover is that in your best interest.  Can't stand his friends big red flag!  Put down hiddeen as humor very big red flag!  Would any of these work, not likely.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007

Your lack of sexual interest will show itself soon enough, so that relationship isn't for the long term.  He will grow frustrated with you and you will just say, 'Can I just lay there?  Is that enough?'  when it really isn't enough.  

As for Mr. Awesome Sex, people change, but not as long they don't have to.  You have let him know how you will allow yourself to be treated and that will be hard to re-teach and hard for him to re-learn.  Not impossible, but quite difficult.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012

My piece of advice-dump the guy who puts you down immediately. His put-downing will only get worse and more frequent. No sex is worth that kind of treatment.