Children, divorce and the Holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2013
Children, divorce and the Holidays
1
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 12:16pm

I am in the middle of a divorce from my verbally abusive husband of 30 years. I have 3 grown children.  Two sons ages 33 and 36 from my first marriage and a daughter 27 from this marriage.  My problem is that all of my children want to spend the holidays as they have in previous years with all of us together.  I want to note here that growing up my sons could not stand their step-father and took the first chance that they could get to move out of the home.  Each son now has 2 children and they say that they want their step-father there for the grandchildren who he never paid attention to.  I realize that this is an excuse for the pain that they are feeling from the divorce but it is causing me much distress since I cannot get them to understand that I cannot eat at the same table as their father (now I am having Thanksgiving with a stranger and they are all split up and eating in different places).  I am not prohibiting them from seeing him just that I cannot spend the holidays with him.  To compound the matter, my first husband has been spending the holidays with us and now they also want him there too.  When is enough, enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 12:45pm

Welcome! I'm sorry that your family is having such a hard time right now. I think our Surviving Divorce & Separation board would be a good place to ask this question because you will find members there who have gone through similar experiences and may have some been-there-done-that advice:

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex/relationship-problems/surviving-divorce-separation