Getting Divorced

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
Getting Divorced
1
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 2:16pm

My H and are have been unhappily married for several years.  I am a communicator and tried that for a few years, to no avail.  Then I tried threatening, and anger.  And then decided to see my therapist, who I had not seen for several years.  I find that as I have gone in to see her for several sessions, my words were different, but the same message and complaints about my H, until with her support, I finally realized that this was who he was, and complaining about it would not change the situation.  She did help me with boundaries, and with becoming better and not taking it all on.

I guess I had to go through that, to realize what I was experiencing was my reality, and trusting that, and that his way no longer worked for me, and in fact, made me anxious and stressed.  It's interesting now, in looking back, that I needed her validation to realize that the relationship wasn't what I wanted anymore, and that he was the way he was, and I could not change that, although I tried desperately.  I promised myself when I got married this time, that I would never get divorced, that I would make it work no matter what.  I guess what I did not count on was that I only have control over so much, and I cannot change someone, if they do not want to change.

My H is not a bad man, he most likely is depressed, and self-sabotoging, and in great denial.  But, the thought of going through a divorce, and dealing with my teenage kids, and their emotions, and mine, is quite overwhelming.  I often wonder how I will manage to get throught it, with working ft, finding a new place to live, and packing up, and dealing with the emotional aspect of it all.  Plus, the prospect of not having my kids around 24/7, and they may spend half the time living with him.  That saddens me.

It is a very overwhelming prospect for me.  And I think that is what is keeping me from doing it.  Plus, I have tried to get us out of debt before I do it, so that I don't have half of the debt to take with me, which I will not be able to afford.

What I would like to find here, is support from others who are going through a similar situation, or who have been through this situation.

It would be nice to just share back and forth, as that is helpful. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 06-15-2013 - 4:15pm

Here's the link to the Surviving Divorce board. Most of the posts here will be about technical problems. Hopefully you can find a great support group there. Good luck in your future, wherever it leads you. http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex/relationship-problems/surviving-divorce-separation