Guests in Our Home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
Guests in Our Home.
4
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 10:08pm

Recently my hubby and I have had desagreements regardign the conduct of guests in our home. He has a friend who comes in the evenings to run with him. I have had to set a limit on how late this friend stays on weeknights because one night he was here until midnight. 10:00 if we have work in the morning this friend must go home.

Also, I am uncomfortable with how this friend acts when over, He helps himself to out fride/pantry and I end up feeling the need to keep an eye out to make sure he doesn't eat our dinner for the week (I plan menus and shop ahead). My husband sees nothing wrong with this. For me it would be different if he was just helping himself to a drink, but I don't think he should be helping himself to out meat and other items I bought with the intention of using them for our dinner that week. My husband said he was embarrased when I took a pack of chicken strips from his friend and told him that was for our dinner this week. We just bought a house and I am trying to keep our spending down...we can't afford to just let people raid our fridge.

I also get anxious about people just going through our fridge/ cupboard unless they are family, I would not even like my friends doing these things. Im I over reacting?

I am very anxious because he is having a bunch of people over soon for some gaming, I am afraid of being eaten out of house and home.

It is 10:00 now and his friend is still here, passed the time my husband agreed to. I have already dropped hints that it is time for his friend to go so we can wind our weekend down and prepare for the work week. Can anyone offer any advice? I am completely new to this hosting guests thing, we only bought out house a few months ago...Is it my conduct that is wrong?

We did off the friend fruit and granola bard (we dont keep anything unhealthy) but he said it wasnt good enough,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2013
Tue, 07-23-2013 - 5:24pm
I am a health nut so my fridge is full of fruits and veggies - a huge turn off to guys that go looking for beer in there.
Avatar for love.actually
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2005
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 10:25am

an_cailin_rua wrote:
I also get anxious about people just going through our fridge/ cupboard unless they are family, I would not even like my friends doing these things. Im I over reacting?

Uhm, no. My family (i.e., sisters, mother) doesn't do that, and I don't do that when I go to their house. EVER. Even when I was a teen and went to my best friend's house up the block — which was like a second home to me (I even called my friend's mother Mom) — I never, ever went into their fridge/cupboards unless I asked or was asked to. 

IMO you need to have a discussion with your husband that goes along the lines of "Make sure your friend eats before he arrives and/or brings his own snack. If he's going to hang out for a while, make sure you have things accessible for him, I don't want him rooting through our stuff." Your husband is the one who needs to set the boundaries with the friend. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 11:15pm

I had already warned my husband I would say something, as I did with the chicken. This man comes over after dinner, I do not feel obligated to feed him. Drinks are a gives seeing as they are running and coming after dinner he should come fed in my opinion. He is the type that is perpetually hungry though, I'd much rather he asked before just helping himself to whatever he wants. Then I can tell him what is fair gain. I would up giving the ok to a pack of hotdogs we needed to be rid of out of guilt.

edit: Just spoke to the hubby about this and he said he had already told his friend the chicken was off limits, he had already checked out menu for the week. I told him from now on we will tell the friend fruit, granola bars, and a few other things that he can eat. If he doesn't like that he can stay hungry.

Good to know that I wasn't being unreasonable though. I am a generally anxious person (I have GAD) so I have a hard time judging when I am over reacting.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 10:59pm

Wow!
"We did off the friend fruit and granola bard (we dont keep anything unhealthy) but he said it wasnt good enough,"
That's when I would show this so-called friend to the door and say then I guess it's time you went to your home...
My now ex-mil threw my sil out when she was a pregnant teen, she stayed with us my ex-husband and I and our new-born dd.
Her much older b/f always made comments similar to your husband's friend, finally I told him if what we had or were offering wasn't good enough he could take her to his place...his parents...
He thought he could tell us what she should be eating where she should be sleeping and thought nothing of over-staying his Welcome...I had enough...
My now ex would not stand up to him but I did...;)...

Nightangel