He wants me to move in and I don't want to...help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2012
He wants me to move in and I don't want to...help
3
Sun, 08-04-2013 - 10:14pm

My boyfriend of six months wants me to move in with him and I really don't want to.  I rent an apartment, he owns a condo.  By moving in we could save on rent, utilities, cable,meals, etc, etc. By living together we would be together on a daily basis, which is not the case now.  After leaving a very hurtful, long time marriage and after living with my adult children for several months I was finally able to be on my own. I really do love this man but worry that I could very easily be homeless if he decided we were done.  Where could I go? Not back with my children.  What about my belongings? I love my apartment and the home I have created for myself - does my stuff go into storage, get sold?  His place could not accomodate two households of furniture, dishes, decorations, etc.

Let me state that we are in our sixties, both very healthy and active.  We enjoy a very satisying and playful sex life and have yet to have a spat over anything. Our interests, activities,food likes/dislikes, music tastes are compatible and we enjoy and like each others families. We love each other very much. As far as finances go, I am retired and able to get by with spousal support and SS.  He is collecting a pension, SS and is working part time.

So, I guess my questions are: how do I gently tell him no to cohabitation without hurting him? How can I make him see just how much I have to lose if we ever broke up?

AS i stated, we love each other very much and plan to be together for the long term. Or each others" final love" finally. 

Thanks for any advice.

Jeanne

 

 

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998

Are you hoping to one day live together but you're just not ready yet? (I would agree that after only 6 months its a big step to take, given what you have to lose if it doesn't work out). Financial reasons to join households is a fine idea but you're not talking about a roommate situation. Part of the issue may be that you know that you need more time on your own....you've made yourself a nest and you want to enjoy it--which you should do after so many years in a bad relationship. I think you will know when you are ready, and then you two can work together to meld your belongings. Now you have to just tell him no, not yet.

BTW, this board is really more for technical advice on site problems and not many people visit it for other reasons, so your post may not get many views or replies here. There are several other boards where you might want to put it on the Love & Sex Channel:

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex

Good luck! 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 Flat out tell him not.  You do not need a discussion.  Just no.  Use broken record and refuse to discuss it.  i am of the belief one does not need to allow argument.  Just no,no,no.  This is a time for ruthlessness. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012

Be very honest and tell him you are not ready yet. I'm assuming he knows about how your long term marriage ended so if he truly loves you, he will understand and wait until you are ready.

Good luck.