My boyfriend's total lack of interest in sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2013
My boyfriend's total lack of interest in sex
Tue, 09-03-2013 - 12:52am

I've reconnected with a beau from 32 years ago.  We met when he was separated; ultimately he went back to his wife and daughter.  Flash forward to 1 year, 8 months ago, when we "friend" each on FB, have lunch within 3 weeks; he's still (miserably) married.  We continue with lunches, having coffee or a drink every day without physical intimacy.   He tells me 4 weeks later he asked his wife for a divorce which became final in May 2013.  He is truly a renaissance man:  he cooks, he's a very talented musician, an artist and so charming, but totally human, believe me.

      The problem is our sex life.  Once he asked for a divorce, we enjoyed an active sex life for about 6 months, then nothing.  At all.   Looking back on our first go-round, I remember this happened then as well.  His current reasons for lack of activity are stress, overworked and achy body (he's 63 but in phenomenal shape), and swears it's not me and "of course, nothing's wrong, sweetheart."

  Before we began our intimate relationship this time, we discussed making love, etc., and he said that to him, it really wasn't that big of a deal (sex), and that connection, emotional intimacy, being the other person's "half" carried the most weight.  Okay, fine.  But no sex at all?  I have never met or even heard of a  heterosexual man not wanting to make love to a woman he cares for and sees regularly for months on end.  Believe me on these 2 things:  There is not another woman, and he's not gay.  So what is it?  Low testosterone?  Since I recall this same situation from 32 years ago, I can't ascribe it to age.  Do some men just truly not have that "my penis is my world" gene?

Thanks for any help,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Tue, 09-03-2013 - 10:16am

It is possible that some people are more interested in an emotional connection than a physical one.  If it is a problem for you talk to him about it.  He would know best about what is going on with him.  There's also a board called Mismatched Libidos  which might help you get through this as well.