Separated after 25 years of marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2009
Separated after 25 years of marriage
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 3:09pm

I'm 45 years old, my daughter is 15 and my husband is 50.  We've been separated for 6 months now and in that time we've only tried to sit down 3 times to talk about our situation. Our communication is just terrible. We tried counseling but that was a waste of time. On my husbands part, he didn't put much effort into it. I felt I did. I tried inviting him to dinner to talk about things and he kept putting it off.  This all started with him having  'good friend'  and co-worker who is a female.  We'll call her Dee. Now Dee would constantly be calling and texting my husband throughout  the day. My husband and  Dee had the same work schedule and would sometimes do things during the day with her children and my daughter. The way I would find out about these outings  was from my daughter.  One time, my husband left his phone on the counter Dee had sent him a text. Yes, I read it. She was telling him about her papsmear she had to get. She went into great detail which I felt was inappropriate. There were times when me and my husband would be watching TV and out of the blue he'd say, "I wonder what Dee is doing." or "I hope Dee's alright." We separated for about a week 2 years ago because of this and my husband promised he and Dee wouldn't communicate so much when he was at home. That only lasted for a little while. It started up again and I tried to put my foot down and told him the texting and the calls need to stop.  I didn't trust Dee. She is the type of woman that tries to make 'good friends' with other married husbands in the past and at one time one of the wives confronted Dee and told her to stay away. I've never confronted her. My husband has left me because Dee has had cancer and all he's trying to do is be a good friend to her. I'm not sure if that's all the reason. I had let that emotional affair go on for too long without saying anything but I had to finally say stop. Well, now my husband has moved out.  We tried talking about 2 weeks ago about our situation and I asked him if he still loves me.  He told me at that moment he doesn't and that he's so angry with me. Is this how most men are when it comes to these type of situations?  Is this a little extreme for him to move out because I said that Dee cannot call or text him anymore? Should I have a talk with Dee to find out more information?  Afterall,  she's the one I feel is pursuing my husband. Please let me know. I'm not sure I should move onto filing for a divorce just yet. I just feel in my heart that my husband is going to come around and realize he made a mistake by leaving me and his daughter.

Avatar for cmerin
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 3:19pm

Hi & Welcome. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. You may want to post to the Problem Solving for Couples board, the Surviving Divorce & Separation board, Betrayed Spouses Support board, or the Working On Your Relationship board. 

Best of luck to you,

Community Technical Assistant | Community Moderator

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2009
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 3:39pm

Oh, okay.  Thank you.