Thinking about past

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2014
Thinking about past
Sat, 01-18-2014 - 7:34pm

I broke up with my boyfriend 4-5 years ago but we remained friends and ended up hanging out a lot until he moved to a different city. We formally "dated" only for 7-8 months but had been together for almost 2-2.5 years (almost like a couple though I was always looking for something else). He was much older than me and I did not want him to wait for me and encouraged him to get married/ find someone else, even though he was still very much in love with me and would have done anything for me. He ended up getting married a year later. I have not really found anyone else or dated anyone for more than few weeks since then. Now when I am much older (and lonelier), I realize that I did in fact love him and he made me happy and that's the closest I have come to being with someone happy. I know now its too late but I have been feeling completely helpless and sad as I have still not met anyone who understands me well or makes me happy and I have been feeling like I made such a bad decision in pushing him away. We have common friends and all of them are married now. I have not heard about him in a while but I have been miserable (to the point of feeling sick) thinking about him.