Toxic in-laws - Help Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2011
Toxic in-laws - Help Please!
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 3:19pm

My husband and I just moved from out of state to the where his parents live. We have been married for 11 years. His parents are divorced and had married subsequently with different spouses, but both are currently single. His dad is sick with cancer and we moved into his house temporarily. My husband has a job and I am looking for one but have not been able to find one yet. His siblings are fighting all the time over who should be doing this or that for his dad, but no one does anything. They feel that because my husband has been living here, he should deal with everything right now. Problem is that since I don't have a job yet, I end up dealing with a quite a bit of stuff pertaining to this sick man that I hardly know. It is depressing, and I have asked my husband to please move out of here. His mother sticks her nose into every issue, even the one related to her ex-husband, and gives her expert opinion all the time. She is a very negative person, she's always sick with something, and constantly points out the negative side of every step anyone wants to take. She is on the phone all the time with my sister in law talking behind the back of everyone else. No woman or man is good enough for her siblings. My sister in law talks to my husband on the phone all the time, like 7 times a day (this also happened when we were living out of state) and she has gotten already a job for my husband with her husband doing something he has never done. Consequently, my husband has given up trying to do what he said he was going to try to do before we moved here. My husband has stated that he wants to stay with his dad, and that will not change. So, he has made a choice. I am debating on whether to move to a shelter temporarily... I am so emotionally broken and feel so lonely...

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 3:35pm
(((HUGS))) That sounds like a really tough situation to be in. The Dealing With In-Laws board would have lots of advice and support for you, here is the link:

I hope that you can find a solution to the situation you are in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 2:41pm
I am just joining the iVillage and can feel your frustration. Hope things are better now, if not... remember you all are family and sometimes family act strange during difficult times like these. Try to block them out for the sake of your husband. Hopefully you got your job and you can get some piece of satisfaction. Remember an opinon is only an opinon.. no room for further discussion... You can say, in my opinion .... hang in there... don't move!!! if you do they have won the war...if you stay, they might have won this battle, but not the war...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Sun, 10-23-2011 - 8:24pm

I know how you feel. I had to move close to my inlaws, about an hour and a half away. They were at my house every two weeks if not more. They drove me crazy too. I could never do anything right it seemed. They always had something to say about the way I raised my children. And then it got to the point that I didn't fold laundry or the towels right. Finally I was at their house spending the weekend and something was said b/c I didn't want to read my daughter a story b/4 bedtime one night. They'd been reading to her every night and we were all talking in the kitchen and this issue came to a head. I have a routine that I do with my children b/4 bedtime and it works but when I am at their house they want to change it to what they think it should be. Well...I don't want to change it. So, I just exploded. I told her that I was tired of feeling like everything I did wasn't good enough. That I can't take it anymore. I walked out of their house and went for a walk. I told her that the girls would live if they didn't have a story read to them before bedtime every night. And don't get me wrong. My children get read to but we have a different routine at bedtime. I have probably two of the smartest children in their grades and they have been referred to take gifted testing. So, it isn't b/c I am not doing my job as a mother. So, I am really tired of them telling me what I need to do with my children. It drives me crazy. Well, after I went off. My husband's dad started monitering all calls with his mother. I ended up moving again to a different state with my husband b/c of his job. But all of the controversy has ended. They don't call me and tell me what to do anymore. We still go see them twice a year for a week or two at a time. But things are better. So, I think you have to do what makes you happy. I know your husband wants to stay with his dad b/c he is sick but I can totally understand what you went through b/c I've been there. So, all I have to say is that you have to do what makes you happy. But I don't think I'd ruin my marriage b/c of the inlaws. And believe me, my marriage has almost ended a few times b/c of mine.