I have been with my bf for 3 years.
Hello. First off..I feel for you! Alot of us women (not all) so desperetely WANT to trust in the man in our life and am hoping that he is the one, or this is it, or 'ahh, its nothing' I am a 42 year old woman who has been through too much in my life because I wear my heart on my sleeve and DID and WANTED to trust even though the red flags were up. Second off, trust, as you may already know is the most important thing in a relationship. It doesn't matter how old you are or how long you've been with your boyfriend/partner/husband..TRUST has to be the root in the relationship. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE IT FOR OBVIOUS REASON IT WILL NEVER BE THERE. Third off..from expericence, I suffer from depression; hence the low self esteem and thinking..'hmmm, I can't trust him, so I will TRY to so I won't lose him and be alone' WRONG! You mentioned you keep checking his computer. Please, please, please believe me...you will make yourself mentally and soon after that physically sick. You will be in a dark tunnel and everything he does, you will question and fear. IS THIS GUY WORTH IT? NO! He has proven to you he cannot be trusted. I was with a man; an alcoholic for 7 and a half years. I kept believing him about alot of things because I wanted to, had faith and hope and mostly..was terrified of breaking up and going through the pain of losing him. After a four year absense from him; he was sober, got alot of help...but than found out he was at one time meeting various women in hotel rooms..and still drinking. I had three breakdowns. For that my children suffered because of my 'so called heart' and this selfish, lying man.
Hun..who ever you are....there are other men, good ones out there who won't do this to you. Let him have his Facebook (I hate that thing) and his ex's and whatever sweet words of hope he brings you..you can't and won't be able to trust him again. EVER! It will hurt and you're hurting now. But life goes on. He's a loser. Please look at yourself in the mirror and say 'I DESERVE BETTER! I WILL IN TIME GET BETTER!' I finally did that. I am still single. But that is ok! Because I have my kids and one day some wonderful man who WILL deserve me, in time, will come along...and a relationship with trust is worth more than gold. Good luck young lady you can do it and who cares what you're boyfriend will do or think...he's a lying phoney..let the other girls have him. Thinking of you..from Canada!