??What should I do? WHat am I missing ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2014
??What should I do? WHat am I missing ?
1
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 4:18pm

I am looking for some direction here. I have been in a relationship for the past 2years. Some background.  We met up at a bar at a 20yr class reunion. He and I graduated from the same school. I was friends with his sister and "knew" who he was in school. He is a couple years younger than me. We are comfortable.. He has me go to his get togethers, he goes to mine. he will call about every night or text me. He always tells me about his day.. talks ALOT about his job.. kids, ex, and daily life in general. He treats me like his best friend. He is not affectionate and hardly ever wants to kiss me. I see him about once a week sometimes twice. When we have the opportunity to have sex he seems less than interested. When we do finally get to that stage he just doesnt want to kiss me or make it passionate or personal.  Once we do get to that point more than not he will simply finish himself with his hand.... I KNOW.... which I have made excuses thinking well he just has a few issues and its not me...?? well more and more this is the case.. He would rather me use my hands and then him finish... Recently we were in bed and he then suggested that I use my toy on myself...UGGHHHH I dont feel it is normal.. and even out of the bedroom he just doesnt seem sincere about a hug or affection.. when he does I feel like he makes himself.. Minus the sex .. we are like best friends... as long as he shares and talks about everything that is about  him... I have never felt soooo unwanted, unattractive, and confused in my life with a relationship. We get along well, i feel we are compatible..and he says he sees me as more than just sex or just whatever we are but he just isnt in any hurry to be more serious. Do I just keep waiting tiil he is? I get attention from guys that make me think I am attractive.. I can be wanted... Why doesnt he want me... ??? His coldness makes me feel so unwanted.. He doesnt compliment or give me those little hints that he "wants" me like two people in a new relationship often flirt with.. HE doesnt like to talk about these things and always makes me feel like I am overreacting or He doesnt understand why I dont think he cares or wants to be in a relationship with me...  I have been asked out recently and shown attention by other guys that want to touch me or kiss me.. and compliment me which makes me feel even worse because I am with someone who doesnt give me that or make me feel those things.. WHY ? WHat am i holding on to.. ?? I do care about him.. and want him to want me soooo much.. I dont want the other guys and I tell my boyfriend that as well that I want him to want me and show me that he cares..  Before this last run of two year relationship he and I dated for about 6mos and I ended it with him for a stretch of 5mos because he point blank told me that he does not have care about me the way I care about him. We later got back together after running into eachother in a department store which after he had text me and said he would like to see me sometime again.. we went out and then seemed to just fall back into the same routine now for 2yrs.. I see that if I want more or different I either have to accept him or be done ?? Have any one else experience these types of issues ? No KISSING ??? WIERD SEX ISSUES LIKE THIS ????? HELP >  

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 11:40pm

I suggest that you repost this at a board in Relationship Problems where more people will see it and you are more likely to get some replies.