I wrote a poem for his EDD... (X-posted)
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|Thu, 04-29-2010 - 10:11am|
Here is a poem for my baby's due date. There are no rhymes, there is no rhythm, it was just written from my heart.
Today was the day I was shooting for throughout my whole pregnancy,
today was the day my baby was due.
I should have found out today if he was a boy or a girl.
I should have found out today what the pain of labor felt like.
I should have found out today what my baby looked like,
if he/she had hair...
if he/she had chubby cheeks...
if he/she had mommy's nose, or daddy's lips...
Instead, I found out 5 weeks ago...
5 weeks ago I found out that he or she was a he.
5 weeks ago I felt the pain, the horrible pain of 23 hours and 55 minutes of horrendous labor.
5 weeks ago I found out that he had the perfect amount of hair.
5 weeks ago I saw his cute little chubby cheeks.
5 weeks ago I saw that he had mommy's nose.
5 weeks ago I saw his daddy's perfect lips on his sweet little face.
5 weeks ago I found out
that his heart had stopped,
there was no hope,
my baby had died,
and I would have to deliver a silent baby - and
there would be no cries,
there would be no screaming,
there would be no kicking,
there would only be silence...
but there were cries,
cries from broken hearts,
cries from a mother who delivered a child she wanted so badly,
cries from a father who longed to hear the words the doctor spoke "it's a boy",
cries from grandparents who hurt
for their firstborn son & their firstborn daughter as they lost yet another child,
cries from friends & family who wanted this child so badly,
cries for this miracle child 11 years in the making,
cries for this miracle child who never took one breath.
It hurts knowing that my little Landon should be here screaming and kicking, and instead, he was born 5 weeks ago... silent.
I'm crying now...
I hurt for losing my son...
I really want a child here with me...
I can't wait until I do not have to give my baby back...
I can't wait until I bring home a baby for the first time...
I can't wait until I can complain about my baby not sleeping...
I can't wait.
I believe that it will be my turn soon.
I believe that I will get pregnant again.
I believe that it will be a great pregnancy.
I believe that it will end with a kicking and screaming healthy baby.
I believe that I will bring that baby home.
I believe that I will raise that baby and see him/her grow up
and graduate and have a family...
and make me a grandma.
I believe that.
I want that.
I will have that.
Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it.