Threw away full-time job so husband could take over family business...Am I the only one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Threw away full-time job so husband could take over family business...Am I the only one?
5
Sat, 11-09-2013 - 12:33pm

Two months ago my husband and I moved from Montgomery, AL to Tampa, FL, so he could take over the family business. I gave up a good full time job with full benefits since I couldn't transfer my job to Tampa. DH and my in-laws told me that I would have no trouble finding a good job once I got moved here.

The good news is that DH loooves his job and his weekly 500-600 paychecks and being closer to his family. I however, am not a happy camper. I've struggled to find work, I've received countless rejection letters despite a Bachelor's degree and over 10 years of work experience and the only position I could secure was that of a cashier at a big box store. So now I'm part-time, no benefits, with a topsy turvy schedule and making a fraction of what I made in Alabama.

I feel like Florida was totally oversold to me. I gave up a good job to get my husband back to his family and took a crap job while he rakes in the big bucks. Am I the only womanthat has ever gone through this? Do DH and his family really appreciate the sacrifice I made to he could be here? Anyone else move to Florida from out of state and have a hard time adjusting? Does it ever get any better?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

I have never been in your situation, and never would have,  unless we BOTH moved for jobs that were comparable to what we originally had.  I also would NEVER have moved anywhere without having found a job there first.  

However, you said "...he rakes in the big bucks...".  I hardly think $12.50 to $15/ hour is big bucks, but if it is to you, then perhaps the move was worth it.  It all depends on what you and he each were making back in Al.  If he alone is making what you and he together were making before, or if you were making those "big bucks" while he worked minimum wage, then it is a flat trade.  If you and he together are now making LESS than you and he together were making before, then the move was not a sacrifice, it was stupid.

And as for finding a job, simply having a degree and experience is not enough.  If it is in a field that is overcrowed, or not needed in Fl, then you are SOL.

Avatar for lizmvr
Community Leader
Registered: 06-06-2001

I'm going to disagree with the other reply and say that even if you're now below the level of income you both had in Alabama, it doesn't mean that the move was "stupid." Why did you agree to go in the first place? It sounds like it was important for you and your husband to be near his family. Are his parents elderly? Will they need care in the future? Being nearby to help in this family situation is a benefit in itself. Who knows how much you'll be saving in the long run by already living near them rather than traveling to take care of them, move them into care homes, or interviewing caretakers and paying them?! You might need to broaden your perspective a bit to start feeling more positive about this change you both have made. Just think about how much you'll even be saving on holiday travel this year :)

Did you like what you were doing in Alabama? If so, are those types of jobs available in your new locale? If not, is there something else you would want to do? Even if you can't find a paying position right away, you're lucky to have some time now that your hours are not fulltime to think about your situation and plan the way you might not have been able to plan before moving. You also have time to spend with your husband and his family, which is your family, too. Again, there are positive aspects to your move that aren't tied up in your job.

Is your husband able to support you both and any kids you have? If so, you're lucky. I will say, too, that my mom had taken off time from working outside the home when she had my youngest brother. When she reentered the workplace outside the home, she started out as a cashier, too, but ended up moving into management in loss control for a large retailer. Now she works as a fraud investigator for the government. It might not seem apparent to you at this moment, but you might also be able to channel your current position into a new career pursuit. It helps, though, to see your opportunities rather than pine for what's back in Alabama.

I get that you're frustrated, but really try to shift your focus. Good luck!

Liz


Clinical Research Associate


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008

I think it is more difficult to move because you don't have your social supports in place. Has DH's family made efforts to include you and introduce you to some friends/activities? I think that would go a long way...and it would also help to create networks for the job hunt.

DH is on a transfer list at work to a small community and it makes me nervous. Small communities are hard to find good jobs. I am already looking at things I can do to position myself so I can create my own work :)

Good luck and hang in there!! Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2013
Ya you are right,You might need to broaden your perspective a bit to start feeling more positive about this change. i am also think it is more difficult to move because you don't have your social supports in place. Has DH's family made efforts to include you and introduce you to some friends/activities ans many more. I think that would go a long way...and it would also help to create networks for the job hunt in any circumstances .
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well you know it's only been 2 months--it takes time to adjust.  I would think that moving from AL to FL wouldn't be as much of a shock as say moving from a big city to a small town or a warm climate to one that has harsh winters.  I think you have to take some responsibility if you didn't investigate the job market yourself for whatever you did and just relied on his family to say that "you could get a job here."  I mean, how do they know?  The only thing that I know about Tampa since I have never been there is the tourist industry so maybe they were just thinking that there are so many jobs in tourism or restaurants and not in your particular field.  As far as benefits, I would think that the "family business" should now be providing benefits for your family.  I think any time that one person in a married couple wants to move, whether for job or family, there is some kind of sacrifice from the other partner but hopefully it's a mutual decision.  Of course he's the happy camper now that he's near his family, but instead of going on about the sacrifies you made for him to be there, try to make a positive adjustment--see if there is a "newcomers club" or join some kind of social activities so you can make some friends and have something else to do besides work--you must know that most jobs are found by networking and not sending in resumes anyway.

Oh my cousin moved a long time ago from RI to NE--she had met her DH when he was working back east.  She is from RI.  They got married & had 2 kids and both of them worked, but then I don't remember whether he lost his job or really didn't like it or what so they decided to move back to where his family was.  It was a huge adjustment for her but he has a big family & she is an only child.  When her mom retired, she also ended up moving to NE to be with her.  It's probably been 20 yrs since they moved and surprisingly I've seen her every 1-2 yrs.  So she has adjusted.