Dating after...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2002
Dating after...
3
Thu, 03-14-2013 - 4:48am

It will be 9 years at the end of this month, since my incident.  I haven't dated or allowed anyone to get physically or emotionally close during these 9 years.  I know of women who survived sexual assualt have gone on to have healthy relationships and marriages.  How do I start dating?  My social behaviors have changed along with how I flirt.  Does it simply take that right person for me to be comfortable with?  Is it normal to not date?

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 03-14-2013 - 6:48pm

Welcome Krystlestar!  You are asking what is normal and that is hard to say.  It all depends on the person and what happened to them.  It is not unusual to wait many years before dating again.  Being intimate and close can trigger you.  Who wants to be triggered?  We spend an awful lot of time trying not to be triggered, don't we?

I was very young and my abuse went on for a long time.  I did date and I did get married and I did have a child, but I was so deep in denial, I don't even know how I was functioning.  I wore a mask all the time for many many years.  I was very lucky to meet my husband when I did.  I couldn't have asked for a better person to help me through it all once it all came rushing back to me. 

My advice would be to take it slow.  The right guy will be understanding.  And you don't have to tell the guy anything until you are ready to. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2002
Thu, 03-14-2013 - 11:39pm

Thank you, Nawleansdarlin.  I will continue to be patient with myself. 

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Fri, 03-15-2013 - 8:02pm

One step at a time.  Do only what you are comfortable doing. 

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