Was I raped?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2013
Was I raped?
3
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 5:08am

After a night of smoking pot, I was awake for just a few minutes. I was laying down in my date's bed. We both got about 2 hours of sleep. He starts touching me, trying to get me in the mood, I guess. I yelled, "Stop!" He did for a moment. Then he put his hand under my skirt. I moaned because of what he did with his hand. He stopped. Still with my eyes closed, I went back to falling asleep. All of a sudden, he is inside of me. I froze. I could not talk nor move. I wanted to cry and kept thinking, "Stop! Please Stop! Just stop!" But I could not say anything. I just laid there frozen. All I wanted was to sleep before this happened. Was this rape?

Community Leader
Registered: 06-02-2008
In reply to: Jen4244
Wed, 06-12-2013 - 11:25am

Hi Jen,

I replied to your post in the Help section.  I don't know if you have had the chance to see it or not.  I know it's been a couple of days since you posted but today was the first day I saw it.  Sorry that you are going through this. 

Zoe

Community Leader - Sexual Abuse Healing

Boards> Health & Fitness >Crisis Support >Sexual Abuse Healing

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/health-fitness/crisis-support/sexual-abuse-healing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: Jen4244
Fri, 08-23-2013 - 4:42am
I'm so sorry, but yes honey, you were raped. Sometimes we convince ourselves as survivors of rape that there are "grey areas" that "seem" to hinder us in determining who was to blame or if we made it perfectly clear to our attacker that we said NO. Rape and incest survivors tend to over analyze what they went through, and sometimes come to the conclusion that some or all of the attack must have been their fault, or that they did something to cAuse it. The fact that you were high and barely conscious should have been a clear sign to any man considering touching you, that it would be so wrong!! To a normal human being it would be so obviously immoral and wrong to make any kind of sexual advance on you while you are in that state! A woman cannot possibly give her consent to any sexual act when she is unconscious or semi conscious! In fact, a man should not be anything less than a complete gentleman if the lady they are interested in has been drinking alcohol or taking drugs! You happened to be in the company of an animal when you were raped. He is an evil terrible person to take advantage of you like that, & in such a devastating & life altering way! You did not deserve what happened to you my girl!!! I hope that you can find the courage and the strength to charge this guy with rape!! It won't change what happened to you but it could make a world of difference to his next victim! I am truly sorry for what that guy has taken from you, & for what you went through that night! Be safe and take care of you.

Losing Faith in Humanity...


One person at a time

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2013
In reply to: Jen4244
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 8:17pm

I trained as a rape crisis counselor. Even though it appears you were raped, it would be hard to prove because you didn't act on the rape. The fact you were under the influence did not help your situation. No means No. You told him no. But in these days and times, you need evidence to prosecute. This is the procedure following a rape for future reference. After the rape, you will feel dirty and most likely urge to use the restroom. DO NOT bathe and if you have to urinate, do so into a clean jar. As soon as you are able to get safely away, call 911 and report the crime. Go to the emergency room with the jar of urine if you went to the bathroom and bring an extra set of clothes with you. Do not change clothes before going. The urine, and the clothes will have trace evidence to prove your case and definitely prosecute. The kit they use at the hospital takes about an hour to perform and they will keep all of your clothes for evidence. Do not feel humiliated while going through the procedure. It does not hurt but is very necessary. I wouldrefrain from getting into a position that you are not able to protect yourself due to being intoxicated or under the influence. Believe me, it can and does happen to any one but just keeps you from seeking help when you need it in fear of being arrested yourself for breaking laws. You eventually get over things and you are alive and well. You just nned to educate yourself more on what to do in crisis situations and how to prevent them. Life goes on. Each day is what you make it. Make wise choices. Hugs..