Yes, it is abuse. Emotional abuse is just as damaging to a person as physical abuse. In fact, that part hurt me the most. He filed for divorce 9 months ago, when I was living in a woman's shelter without any income. Because he had all the money, he filed on me although I had left him. Of course it was all about his EGO by filing on me.
Our car was jointly owned and the house was in his name too. If you invested in the home, try to locate all the records where you paid the note or downpayment and keep them in a safe place. Same with the car. In Texas and many other states, it's community property. I put $6000 toward the downpayment and worked full-time while his "self-employed" job wasn't paying the bills. (Which was most of the time). We just sold the house and we gave back the car before they repossessed it. I have a car in my folks' name that I pay for and live in an apt. until the courts decide who gets the proceeds from the house. I'm hoping I will. Once the asset division is final, I'm saving for a house for the kids and myself and transferring the title of the car into my name. If I do so now, it's half his. Remember if you buy ANYTHING while you're married but separated, he might has access to it.
Also, I was the only one who "started" the fights according to him, but I actually would bring up a topic he didn't want to deal with like money, kids, etc. He never, ever did anything wrong, I was always at fault and he has never apologized to me for anything; abuse, lies, controlling, yelling, etc.
He has all the furniture, but I've got what's important - the kids. I hope the judge will see that this abusive man needs to learn a lesson and give him nothing. Even if he doesn't, I still have my life, my soul, my freedom, my self-esteem and my children! Everthing else can be replaced. Take his threats as real - and write ALL of them down for the courts. You may even be able to get an annulment because of the abuse. I know it's a lot of hard work to get away, but your life should be your priority.
Yes, I think it is abuse. My H has done that for the past 2 years--blowing up whenever we had an issue to deal with and I didn't have his exact opinion on it--yelling and screaming or vicious attacks and cutting sarcasm. I just started posting here when it escalated to his laying hands on me, so please be careful.
Wow. My husband hasn't resorted to laying his hands on me, but he's the type to put his fist through the wall. His anger is often out of control, getting angry at really stupid small things. Be very careful and don't let him hit you. Nobody ever deserves that.
Hi, if this is posted twice, I apologize. My computer hiccupped.
First of all, I have to commend you for your wonderful attitude on your situation. That is such a great way to see things. And this has happened to me before so I do realize that there are more important things that what is material.
When I married my husband, he already owned the home. I would never try to take it from him, but he does have the power to just throw me out. He told me he would contact his attorney and get me out that way. My name isn't on the deed and he's been promising me to put it on, but still hasn't. After our last big argument, I gave him the ultimatum that I would be willing to work things out only if he put me on the deed. He refused. I'm beginning to think it's a power trip and he can hold this, and my car, over my head. I cannot live that way.
I wish you much luck and I hope you get what you deserve. But keep up your great attitude and you will be just fine. If you ever need to chat my email addy is tammiecorcoran@verizon.net.
I'll be fine, I'm concerned for your well-being... Sounds like our H's are from the same mold! I lived with mine for almost 10 years, we bought the house together (although solely in his name) and married a year afterwards. Now that it's sold, he wants all the money and the assets. I'm not sure why a judge would give a batterer a darn thing, but we'll see. Nonetheless, I'm through dealing with his daily crap! I don't return his calls, I don't have to be nice, (except around youngest son), and best of all, he's no longer MY PROBLEM!
I still recommend getting out. Take the car, who care if it's in both names? As long as your paying the note, you can still drive it! He has a right, technically, to it. But if he can't find it....well, ya know. You might want to check the legal implications, first, as that's not my thing. By his refusal to add you to the deed, that's a clear indication that he sees you not a partner, but someone who can be controlled. Mark my words, it will continue and worsen.
Why waste your time with someone who fights and contols you? That's no way to live, Tammie. When you get tired of walking on eggshells, remember...there are still a few decent, available guys out there if you know where to look. I think I even found a couple!
Hi Catlover, and welcome -
Just from what you've written, I have to say yes, it is definitely abuse, and moreover...you sure it's not my XH?
CL-Blueliner4
Our car was jointly owned and the house was in his name too. If you invested in the home, try to locate all the records where you paid the note or downpayment and keep them in a safe place. Same with the car. In Texas and many other states, it's community property. I put $6000 toward the downpayment and worked full-time while his "self-employed" job wasn't paying the bills. (Which was most of the time). We just sold the house and we gave back the car before they repossessed it. I have a car in my folks' name that I pay for and live in an apt. until the courts decide who gets the proceeds from the house. I'm hoping I will. Once the asset division is final, I'm saving for a house for the kids and myself and transferring the title of the car into my name. If I do so now, it's half his. Remember if you buy ANYTHING while you're married but separated, he might has access to it.
Also, I was the only one who "started" the fights according to him, but I actually would bring up a topic he didn't want to deal with like money, kids, etc. He never, ever did anything wrong, I was always at fault and he has never apologized to me for anything; abuse, lies, controlling, yelling, etc.
He has all the furniture, but I've got what's important - the kids. I hope the judge will see that this abusive man needs to learn a lesson and give him nothing. Even if he doesn't, I still have my life, my soul, my freedom, my self-esteem and my children! Everthing else can be replaced. Take his threats as real - and write ALL of them down for the courts. You may even be able to get an annulment because of the abuse. I know it's a lot of hard work to get away, but your life should be your priority.
Yes, I think it is abuse. My H has done that for the past 2 years--blowing up whenever we had an issue to deal with and I didn't have his exact opinion on it--yelling and screaming or vicious attacks and cutting sarcasm. I just started posting here when it escalated to his laying hands on me, so please be careful.
Wow. My husband hasn't resorted to laying his hands on me, but he's the type to put his fist through the wall. His anger is often out of control, getting angry at really stupid small things. Be very careful and don't let him hit you. Nobody ever deserves that.
Catlover66
Hi, if this is posted twice, I apologize. My computer hiccupped.
First of all, I have to commend you for your wonderful attitude on your situation. That is such a great way to see things. And this has happened to me before so I do realize that there are more important things that what is material.
When I married my husband, he already owned the home. I would never try to take it from him, but he does have the power to just throw me out. He told me he would contact his attorney and get me out that way. My name isn't on the deed and he's been promising me to put it on, but still hasn't. After our last big argument, I gave him the ultimatum that I would be willing to work things out only if he put me on the deed. He refused. I'm beginning to think it's a power trip and he can hold this, and my car, over my head. I cannot live that way.
I wish you much luck and I hope you get what you deserve. But keep up your great attitude and you will be just fine. If you ever need to chat my email addy is tammiecorcoran@verizon.net.
Thanks for the advice and the ear!
catlover66
I'll be fine, I'm concerned for your well-being... Sounds like our H's are from the same mold! I lived with mine for almost 10 years, we bought the house together (although solely in his name) and married a year afterwards. Now that it's sold, he wants all the money and the assets. I'm not sure why a judge would give a batterer a darn thing, but we'll see. Nonetheless, I'm through dealing with his daily crap! I don't return his calls, I don't have to be nice, (except around youngest son), and best of all, he's no longer MY PROBLEM!
I still recommend getting out. Take the car, who care if it's in both names? As long as your paying the note, you can still drive it! He has a right, technically, to it. But if he can't find it....well, ya know. You might want to check the legal implications, first, as that's not my thing. By his refusal to add you to the deed, that's a clear indication that he sees you not a partner, but someone who can be controlled. Mark my words, it will continue and worsen.
Why waste your time with someone who fights and contols you? That's no way to live, Tammie. When you get tired of walking on eggshells, remember...there are still a few decent, available guys out there if you know where to look. I think I even found a couple!
Take care and email me if you want to talk...(sawyerstx@yahoo.com)!
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Wow, blast from the past! I wish you hadn't deleted your post. It's been nine years--how are things going, Catlover66?