100 Days Out!!! :oD

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
100 Days Out!!! :oD
16
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 11:22am
Well, ladies and Buffs, today is my 100th day AWAY from the Jerk!!!

I have to say, I'm very grateful for all the help I've received on this board . . . I *know* that I would never have made it this far without all of you to turn to. So, in a way, this isn't just a success for me, but a success for all of you as well. This just shows how powerful strength in numbers can be. Every time I thought about going back (and, believe me, there were more times than I care to mention!), I would come here and read and/or post to you guys, and you were able to talk some sense into me *every time*! I can't thank you all enough for that . . . I might not even be alive today if it weren't for you, much less celebrating my 100th day out.

When I look back at my six years with him, especially the three years we were married, I just feel sick. I can't believe that I put up with his sh!t for as long as I did!!! I have to ask myself, why didn't I leave when I saw who he really was? I guess I was just in denial . . . I wanted him to be the good person I knew he *could* be so bad that I was willing to put up with whatever he dished out, hoping that things would improve and I would have the "good" H back again. But, as we all know, things get worse with time rather than better, and that's exactly what was happening in our relationship.

All the hateful things he said to me, all the times he pushed/grabbed/pulled/threatened me, all the times he belittled me and my family, all the names he called me, all the false accusations he threw at me, all the promises he broke, all the wasted marriage counseling sessions . . . I would go through it all again if I thought for even one second that he would change and go back to how he was when we first got together. But I know in my heart that he WILL NOT, and probably couldn't change even if he tried. He doesn't love me enough to change but, more importantly, he doesn't love *himself* enough to change.

I guess the point of all this is to say: "Congratulations to EVERYONE who is already out! And to those who are not out yet -- it CAN be done! I'm living proof. And it is SOOOOO worth it!!!"

Thank you to everyone on this list . . . I couldn't have done this without you, and I will be forever in your debt.

Love,

Emm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 11:54am
Congrats Emm!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 1:04pm

Yahooey!


It really is shocking when you realize it's been that long.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 02-02-2004 - 8:04pm
Oh Emm! Congratulations! What wonderful news. One Hundred Days - that's awesome.

You GO girl!

I did about the same time as you (and yes, that's how I see it. As *time*, as in Jail Time - ha!). For me it was 7 years. And now I'm free too. It's only been 11 days - but those have been 11 days of incredible freedom from abuse. I feel light as a feather.

All the best to you. Hope to see you around on the New Beginnings board.

Cheers,

Hummer (kim)

Avatar for buffphone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:32am
Congratulations Emm!!:) Doing the happy dance along with everyone else here!

Don't let those occasional blue days get you down as they creep up on all of us every now and then. Take the strength you've gained in your finding freedom and let it help you with every little problem that tries to find you!

It keeps getting better as long as you keep believing in yourself!

You go Gurl!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 10:11am
Im new to this board, though I likley should have stopped in here long ago. I went through all of this ten years ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes it wasnt me it happened to - Ive changed so much.

First let me say that I am extremely proud of you, and you have every right to broadcast what youve done. Its so very hard, but you showed the jerk that enough is enough.

Heal you for a while, a good while, before jumping back in. Study over it, cry about it, get ticked about it, tuck it to bed and put it away.

I remember living for the 10 percent heaven too. Going through 90 percent hell. Its hard ending any relationship for the unknown, but especially if you have been alienated from your family. It seems they always do that.

Six years after my divorce was finalized, I met a really good man. With patience, comfort, and ...quiet... I had brought myself out to a better self. Or rather, I let my real self come back out.

The ex has never changed, still a drunk, still stuck mentally at eighteen. At thirty he got a fifteen year old pregnant. (Sick) And I can tell he has already hurt her. I warned her in an email what my marriage was like with him. OMG he got so angry, yet he realizes that he cant just threaten or scream anymore. Both me and my husband has ripped him for it.

Do you know what felt the best??? Last summer he contacted me about wanting to see the kids for the first time in four years - he's NEVER been involved in their life, what little he gave them was always hurt. When he got mad that I told him to just stay gone, he got mad and tried to cuss me, threaten me, and all. I took that opportunity to tell him exactly whta I thought of him, down to the wire. As a father, as the husband he had been to me, what he put me through, and the kids, I got it ALL out. It was the greatest feeling of my life, to tell him why I didnt just dislike him, I HATED him. (The first person in my life I ever have)

You begin to de-program after a while, and you will not even recognize the person who took what they did. All I ask of you is to keep being as strong as you are, because you do have the right to be happy. You are worth loving. You do deserve to live.

You can withstand, youve done great, keep on a'truckin

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:36am
Hi, Kristin! Thanx for the response . . . you always have so much good to say!

And as far as Scott's concerned -- what a LOSER!!! My STBXH always asked me the same question: "What's wrong? Why do you look/act/sound so upset?" If you ask me, it's just a way for them to control us even more. It's more of the "crazymaking" at work. They think that, by making us believe that we're acting like there's something "wrong," they can make whatever argument we get into next be "our fault" instead of theirs (which it really is!), thereby taking the blame for any disagreement away from themselves ahead of time. Make any sense? He always would ask me what's wrong, and we'd get into a fight within 24 hours after that, almost every single time! It's just another piece of ammunition they use against us. Aren't you glad he's out of your life?!?! I know I am! ;o)

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:39am
High five back, Blue!

And you know, I'm already looking back over the 102 days since I left and thinking, "Wow -- it's been almost four months already! Why didn't I do this sooner?!?!" :o)

But, I guess everyone has to act in their own time, and I just wasn't ready until I was *ready*, ya know? I'm just glad I finally left when I did, because who knows what would have happened if I'd stayed for another six years.

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:42am
Hi, Kim! Wow, I thought I was the only one who thought of it as "time served"! LOL!

But you know, it's like Kristin always says -- "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." And I think I'm a *lot* stronger for having gone through all of this. Plus, I got to "meet" all of you guys! BONUS! ;o)

And CONGRATULATIONS on your 11 days! (I guess it's actually about 13 days now, huh?!?!)

Believe me, I know it feels really hard right now, but it will get SOOO much better as time goes on. Pretty soon, you'll have 100 days under your belt and you'll be thinking, "Why did I waste so much time on that IDIOT?!?!" Girl, stay strong, and know we're all rooting for you, and we're sooooo proud!!! :o)

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:44am
Hey, Buff! Thanx for the sweet response!

Believe me, I'm all too familiar with those blue days (yesterday was one), but they're getting fewer and farther between . . . thank GOD!!!

And I really do feel a *lot* stronger now that I've proven to myself (and to the Jerk!) that I can do this, and I'm better off now! Thanks again for the happy dance! ;o)

Love & Hugs,

Emm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:55am
Randa, dear, thank you so much for sharing your story.

It's so inspirational for someone like me to hear from someone like you, who has been out for 10 years now and is living such a happy, fulfilling life. I kind of understand how you feel about your X being a drunk . . . mine was a pothead, to the point where he didn't ever want to do anything else but get high and play video games. It sucks, doesn't it?

But, as you said in your post, sometimes it doesn't even feel like it was you it happened to. That's kind of what I'm starting to go through right now. I think, "Who was that person, and where is she now? I feel *totally* different now that I'm out!" And I feel sure it will just continue to get easier with time. I'm already starting to feel better every day.

And WTG for telling his a$$ off!!! I'm SOOO proud of you, and I wish I had the nerve to say those things to my STBXH! Good luck to you, and keep posting . . . we really need to hear from you. You're showing us that there *is* hope on the other side.

Love & Hugs,

Emm

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