22 yrs of hell how do I leave? help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
22 yrs of hell how do I leave? help
3
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 1:45pm

Hi everyone: I don't know where to start other than to stay, anyone who is in a abusive relationship don't wait like I did, and yet here I sit stuck myself, how ironic huh?

I stayed in this relationship cuz my son who was born preemie and almost died on us ws sick for the lst l8 yrs of his life. I devoted my life to keeping him well and alive would NOT have it any other way. He never accepted the fact he was quite an ill kid. I guess I thought I needed DH around cuz I was sooo scared under the circumstances of being by myself with such a sick child. What a joke. All he did was criticize my not working who could, etc etc...

Now here I am 22 years later, we have a daughter too, and he managed to have both kids against me. You see he is concert, candy and vacation man, and I am did you do h. work, clean room etc. He lets l7 dd get away with wayyy too much. He plans on going to Austria with DD next week, and can't even slow down his week so we can do things together. he is sooo surreal this marriage is sooo over. He does mean things then I get over it: URGH for me huh?

1. When son was just 3 he had to be casted his legs an I knew the cast was too tite, I told him we had to go back to hosp. he was playing softball and was pissed we had to leave game and drove like a maniac swearing and yelling whole time.

2. My dd now l7 got mad cuz she couldnt do something so she kicked a full length mirror, he told her don't worry honey we will get away from this crazy bit*** meaning me.

3. He over rides me on boundries for our daughter and I guess I was scared of divorce cuz she will run like a wild woman when we are divorced.
4. I have physical problems which won't allow me to go on a boat he bought. he knew this when he bought it, yet another thing to keep us seperated.

I am rambling I guess my question is I am in such a rut, how do I leave. I have no $$ no car no nothing. I know dd will pick candyman sugar dad to live with. Who wants to live with loving mom who makes the dr. appts, chases a bus for lunches etc.

last straw was superbowl sunday I got smacked upside my head for cussing....URGH any suggestions or questions I feel like sooo depressed and rambling at same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 3:21pm
Hi,
I am 43 and in the same boat except our children are happy. But H is the same self-absorbed person your H is. They care maore about themselves and their fun than the family. H has tried to turn my older son against me but he's a good christian kid and he has a brain. He has seen first hand the destruction th is selfish man can do. He has also seen his temper that flies off at the drop of a hat. He has also been bullied by him. I really feel guilty and ashamed I let my H walk on my childrens feelings. Now its up to me to undo any of the lasting damage. All I can say is that your kids have to realize somewhere deep down inside that the "yes man" their father is isn't normal. It may not be for a long time but it will happen!! I've been married 23 years. Its so hard to think about the whole divorce thing. But its up to one of us to stop the insanity. I guess it will be me. Good luck to you. I will add you to my prayers :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 3:33pm

We will have been married 23 yrs as well. I dunno I think I caused some of the self-absorption by my dh always about for him. I have been alone the last 23 years he thinks he can go boating fishing do what he wants when he wants.

My kids have let me down. Suppose I let them down too in staying with him for soooo long too, just that I would think with a son 22 and daughter l7 they would see the forest, but my mom says son needs college bux and daughter is about ready to get a car no way they are seeing mom's side here, even if they do tell me if I ask that dad's statement was cold, or son saying after slap upside head, mom get outta there he is dangerous. Guess for them like me it wears off after awhile.

Do you work? Have a place to go? We have so much in common it would be nice to be able to keep in touch, and possibly give each other a tiny nudge that the ABUSE stops HERE.

Your in my thoughts too, you take good care and hope to hear from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 7:14pm

Welcome to the board loerg....


5yrssm