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| Sat, 04-02-2005 - 11:03pm |
Well, finally we go to court on June 27th. My att. tried to set up a conference before this, but the school teacher works long hours and can't make it.
I didn't realize how important some sort of closure was. I didn't realize that until I can stop the control he has over me, I won't be free. I've been living this life just waiting for something to happen. I've had so many wonderful things happen to me and I've let the "cloud of doom" dominate them.
I totally ruined a day today that could have been so nice....my friend had a grand opening on her store and yesterday I put some of my stoves in there so she was also featuring me. I couldn't go because I had to keep my store open, but instead of going over there when I closed, I took a nap. I just couldn't do it. I hate myself for it.
Anyway, I spent time tonight with an old family friend. He grew up with Wendell. Somehow we started talking Wendell stories and ended up laughing over them. How he would sand a sparkplug for hours to make it work rather than go 1/2 mile down the road and spend a whole $1.50 for another one. Guess it wasn't really laughter, but suddenly a realization that this guy will always be who he is. He will go to any lengths to make it right for him. Doesn't matter what or who he has to use to make it right. He just has to make his life right. I spent all my time trying to make it right for him.
Somehow in this mix, you already know this stuff. The only problem is that you don't apply it to yourself. You still aren't waking up to a day that totally involves what you need to get done. It's like the part of your brain that says move on is frozen. Just when you take a jump ahead, this little elf pops up and says you already you have what you deserve.....let it go.
That's what they do to you, emotional or physical, they take your dreams and life away...little by little.

Camult,
Good morning and here is something I just read, "Don't look back or forward, just look up". Amazing if you think about it. Also, I am looking back to all the years I knew him, apx 35. Uck! I am getting, day by day, better. I not only want to never think about him, but am cutting him out of all my memories. One simple way is to remember back to all the times he hurt you and nothing mattered to him but his happiness, even to this day. Don't be mad at yourself like yesterday. Today is a new day and with happy memories from our past (not including them) will help us on our journey to happiness, we deserve it. Take care, be safe and HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY,
Luv, Sherry
Hey Sherry,
I know this sounds weird, but I don't want to forget him. I want to understand what he did to me and not allow it to happen again. What he did could have been many other men. His species are not rare. I want to be my own person....yeah I'm gonna. I haven't had it as bad as so many on the board. Mine was a slow process of manipulation...all I can say is that it will never happen again. Too many years, why not remember when the times were good? I keep them intact for the children. After being out in the world without him I realize there are alot of idiots. I should send them all thank you notes...they are making me stronger. Take every day one by one, there is no other way.
Terry
Terry,
Gotch ya. I can forget him because he was not the father of my son nor like the members of my family. He is a part of your family and I do understand. That is why I like it here because everyone makes things understandable, thanks. Take care.....
Luv, Sherry