Aaaaahhhh - oh the guilt - - -
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| Tue, 06-15-2004 - 11:36pm |
It's due TOMORROW!! He knew this. He could have helped. Now he is sulking because I haven't paid attention to HIM!!! Wonder why. (I mean why I didn't pay attention to him.) This is emotional abuse. When he turns his back, obvioiusly unhappy with my "choice" to help the kids with assignments that are due tomorrow over screwing him. He really is trying to make my choices for me. He doesn't care what I want, as long as he gets my attention.
Please, help me to fight the guilt. I know it is misplaced and inappropriate and all that, but it is SO difficult to not feel it. Out of habit I feel like I should go in there, wake him up and get it done so he isn't upset - so please - tell me DON'T DO IT!!! Don't give in to his manipulations and tactics. Oh, Pam, be strong girl. You can do this. So what if he is upset with you. Has he hurt you? No. Will he hurt you? No. What WILL he do? He will sulk and continue to try to make me feel badly. I can handle this - I will keep saying that to myself. I can stand it. I won't feel guilty. I will stand up for me and my choice. HE will have to deal with his own crappy feelings of abandonment. It isn't my fault. Perhaps if he paid attention to me in a kind and considerate way, and didn't manipulate me to pay attention to him, then I would choose to pay attention to him, but I don't get his attention unless he wants sex. Oh, my goodness, that is so true - he doesn't want anything from me except sex. Oh my. Is that really true? I have to think about that. When else does he pay attention to me? I can't think. It's late.
I'm talking to myself - yet out loud to you here. Am I doing this for me? Or for someone else? In hopes that they will see before it is too late the damage that can be done.
I will not sink. I will be strong. I can stand it. I have to go to sleep. I didn't have dinner, I was too darned busy.
I'm ok, mostly tired. I don't want you to worry.

I love how they think they can treat us anyway they want and we are suppose to STILL be interested in sex! Don't they know that foreplay is a never ending propostition?? Now I have never turned my H down for sex, I have always been able to be talked into it so to speak. I never wanted to turn him down because even if I wasn't in the mood I felt like I would be hurt if HE turned ME down so I never would.
I can feel myself changing towards that attitude however. I remember when we were in the baby making stage and thinking "Will I still want to have sex with him when we AREN'T trying to have children?" Slowly but surely I have been thinking that it is too bad if I am not in the mood. Right now I am not to the point where if he makes the advances I will tell him not tonight, but I find creative ways to stay out of the situation where that might accur.
So Ples don't feel guilty, you don't have to have sex whenever he wants. You have to be turned on and wanting to be with him. Isnt' that what married sex should be??? Or any sex for that matter!
take care
dd
This is one of those conditioning things, you know, Pam.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Why are you feeling guilty for having done all the work around the house and staying up to help one of your kids try to better themselves by doing their homework when he sat around on his duff WATCHING YOU do all of this.
This is the post you need to save.
CL-Blueliner4
Bama - Yes, your right. It is CONDITIONING. Yes I do feel "guilt" for all the things you mentioned. I will do as you suggested.
Blue - NO - NO and NO. I don't want him to go. I told him again the other day that if he didn't want to go he didn't have to. My concern there is that due to my years of conditioning, I will be fretting over HIS MOOD back here, while trying to have fun with the kids. I don't want to spoil the vacation. I have been SO good at appeasing for SO long, I figure I can make a go of it ONE more time.
This isn't going to last through the summer. I am ready to move on. I read the off topic additional abuse traits and could say YES to 22 of them, and there were a couple more that were questionable.
I think that I'll have to follow the Nike commercial and "Just Do IT!!" I have to stop complaining and START taking some action. I can't wait around too much longer!!
Thank you!