Abuse?
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| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:44pm |
Hi! It has been awhile since I have been on ivillage but I need some advice. I don't know what I should do. My then boyfriend and I found out in Oct 2002 that we were pregnant. We had been dating at that point for 6 years. I always wondered deep down if he really ever loved me and since we married he has shared that he wasn't sure he would have ever married me. He is a mama's boy and she wanted him home-. We married when he was 28 and he still wanted single life. (Not that any girl would have had him- the ones he was interested in used him- they still do.)
I know that if he would have ended up with any of the other women he would have treated them better.
We got married in Jan 2003 and later had a baby boy in June. Since the baby things have REALLY changed. He missed his birth due to a trip I begged him not to go on. I had an emergency C- section all alone. I tried calling him to let him know, but he claimed his phone wasnt working. Since that day I hve not loved him as much as I once did. I felt like he abandoned me and never gave our child a chance.
He claims he loves our son more than life itself, but I know he could care less about me unless it is about sex. When we have sex I feel used and almost dirty.
We both work full time- me a teacher and he is an engineer- because I make half of what he does I am supposed to do all of the house cleaning and taking care of the baby to make up for the money I don't make. The one thing that bothers me is that he is very very messy and disrepectful. He was gone all last week on a business trip so I cleaned up the house really well. By today he had already peed all over the toilet and the contour mat was soaked at the edge. I have calmly talked about this with him and he said he would "try harder" not to miss. But he continues to do it. (among other things that are just triffling) I have done everything I know to do and nothing works. Tonight I had it. I yelled at him and said "PLease please try to hit the toilet, I am so tired of cleaning up pee all of the time." He yelled back calling me a B****. He did this several times along with a few f*** yous. What makes it worse is that he says it in front of our child. This isn't the first time. I am frequently called a b****. I have tried sitting down and talking to him and all he does is turn up the TV and give me the middle finger. But then when we go to sleep he tries to have sex with me and doesn't understand #1 why I don't want it and #2 why I won't dress up in lingerie for him. Talking does no good, letters do no good, nothing does. I just don't think he loves me.
What do you all think?

I agree with Hope about that this is the way life will be with him. Calling you filthy names in front of your child is inexcusable. That is verbal abuse, but I don't think that will change either. Are you thinking about leaving him?
One thing to think about first is that it isn't fun to be a single mom. I'm divorced, mom of 2. Don't think by leaving him that all the problems would go away. I divorced my abusive husband, now he is just an abusive ex husband. He still has the chance to verbally abuse me when we exchange the kids. I still have to deal with him on a weekly basis. There are problems now, just different now that we are divorced. I miss out on alot of holidays and weekends with my kids now. Also, now my kids are also at his house for almost half the summer. It's not fun. I not only have to deal with him, but also his new wife. Just something to think about.
Hi, and welcome -
Yep, this is definitely abuse.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi yellow roses, welcome -
I'm a little concerned by some things in your post.
CL-Blueliner4
Welcome to the board arp,